Hipster guys love small boobs. Some hipster guys even prefer them. This is based on a scientific study done in 2012 in an Urban Outfitter’s in Portland. Kidding. This is all based on anecdotal evidence. If anyone wants to fund a scientific study, I’ll do it.
The Huffington Post posted an article that claims there is a correlation between sexist men and a preference for large breasts. They do point out though that, “the findings don’t mean that all men who find big breasts attractive are sexist.” And this is what I’m saying about my own theory. Not all men who find small boobs attractive are hipsters; and vice versa. Not all. But most.
In the 90′s Kate Moss, like Bambi learning how to walk, tenderly wobbled into the fashion world and like that gunshot that killed Bambi’s mom, changed everything. Her look, “heroin chic” made it very clear that super skinny is in. Calvin Klein really took the reigns from there.
People expect me, Mr. Cook To Bang, to turbo-load every sentence with perverse food metaphors. That’s my bread and butter and I promise the tomfoolery will return after these messages.
But not now. I write this from a jaded, dare I say, broken-hearted perspective.
To be brief, I put my player instincts on ice when I met a girl who seemed perfect. She is smart, motivated, and model-hot (literally used to bikini model). Other girls’ phone numbers were purged from my phone. My friends stopped hearing from me and assumed I fell into her vagina. I broke every dating rule about being aloof, emotionally unavailable, and a total bastard. And then she dumped me via text message on February 14th. Valentine’s Doomsday. WTF?
Inconsiderate? Yes. Harsh? Indeed. Classless? Most definitely. I won’t bore you with a diatribe about how text messages derail adult communications. I’m not blaming Steve Jobs and his iPhone. No. My middle finger is held high in the air at the Hallmark Corporation. They created a holiday intended to make a select few happy, leaving the rest of us to eat cake frosting alone in the dark.
I’ve been in a relationship since the beginning of summer, and yet I still check out other women… My girlfriend is awesome, pretty, funny and enjoys watching anything from Chinatown to The Avengers. We have a LOT of fun together. But, occasionally, when I go on the train, or stroll the sidewalks of Manhattan, I’ll glance, sometimes even stare, at an attractive gal.
At first, I felt like I’d committed a thought crime. Is there something wrong with me? Or, am I just window-shopping? But, when I confided with my peers, I learned that staring isn’t unprecedented, but universally common, even amongst married men and probably married women, too.
A survey…reported that about a third of men have imagined sexual encounters with more than 1,000 different women. In our minds, at our best, we are not Einstein but Warren Beatty. Swami’s studies support the concept of dynamic attractiveness—the idea that no matter our age or body preference, looks are but a single line of code in a complex algorithm of attraction, alongside others defining sense of humor, core beliefs, personality, and more.
Psychology Today breaks down the evolving and mutable nature of male desire, aka the science of T & A. It’s pretty objective and interesting, actually.
The Good News: allllll these guys are taking this class at The School of Attraction on how to text better! And be more personal and amusing. And be honest. And spell correctly. Thank god, because SportaboutSarah has already railed on WTF?! about The Dangers of Casual Texting.
The Bad News: The School of Attraction is in Australia.
According to a recent study reported in The Good Men Project, adult men are more likely than women to settle down with a mate they are not in love with. Amazingly enough, the younger the guys skew the MORE willing they say they are to settle.
This is, naturally, the most counter-intuitive statistic I could hear about the men of my generation, based on my romantic experience as well as my many deep friendships (where we talk about life and hopes and dreams) with the guys in my dah.
Just like you, I am grateful for love, grateful for companionship, and excited to be “doing it” consistently. I like you a whole lot, okay.
Yet – and this may come as an epiphany to you – I am both man and human being. I am flawed and gifted and funny and pathetic, all in the same breath. And this means that, sometimes, I will spend long nights drinking Stone IPA and playing Bioshock. But I’m not trying to hurt you, I promise. Don’t overthink it. A man is only a dude.
And besides, look on the bright side.
“Yes, you are independent and you don’t need anyone to take out the trash for you or hang your pictures or run to the Home Depot and pick up the supplies you need to fix your sink. But I lie to you not: if you put your finger in your mouth and act like you haven’t a clue what to do or the strength to do it, your man will step right in and handle that for you – with a smile if you add a hearty, “Baby, thank you so much for doing this for me – I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
… at some point, you’re either going to have to accept that you’re going to be the big ol’ strong, lonely woman, or you’re going to have to back down and just be a lady. Women play roles all the time – why is it when it comes to this, you’re so unwilling to play the role, even when you know it’s going to give you want you want and need?” – Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, 2009 (yep, 2009)
WTF is up with traditional gender roles these days?!
I first asked myself this question in 7th grade.
I was sitting in Mrs. Matcovsky’s French class (for the record, languages are always better when taught with a Brooklyn accent). Glaring in annoyance through huge wireframes and frizzy bangs at my latest test grade, I was mentally beating myself up. How could I have forgotten the past participle of “to swim”??? Would I ever amount to anything in life?
I glanced across the aisle at my BFF Becky, who I knew would never make such an amateur mistake. She was a perfectionist – and a natural in French, at that. And then my world came crashing down.
“Oh no!” Becky purred demurely, turning around with big, confused eyes to the cute hockey player with a mushroom cut who sat behind her. “I got a 78!”
“That sucks,” cute hockey player replied. Then came the cocky smile. “Want some help next time? I got an 82! I’m pretty good at this stuff.”
What the…?!?!?!?!?!?!?! No way.
Becky’s test was just sitting there, face-up on her desk, so I leaned over to get a better look. And as I’d immediately expected…she had not, in fact, gotten a 78. There, in big red marker, was her real grade. A 98. Of course, the hockey player was too lost in his bravado to even bother looking over her shoulder for proof. But in the meantime, oh man, did he seem into her!
And he was. They spent the next year kissing in corners and writing notes in class (it was middle school, people!). Becky had lied, making herself seem dumber than she actually was. She’d allowed a jock who, let’s be honest, was not the sharpest crayon in the box, to think that he was smarter than her. She’d made him feel manly and confident and powerful – but only by lessening herself and her abilities at the same time.
Was this the way to catch a guy?!
I wasn’t sure. But I was sure that I was horrified by Becky’s trick, and by the fact that it had worked. What did it mean?! Were we girls supposed to hide our smarts and our talents and our successes if we wanted a cute guy to like us?
As Jess points out below, despite being eminently independent and capable myself, I have had this ‘Manly Men’ thing figured out since a very young age. (So why my love life is now so f*cked up, I’m not sure.)
Therefore, having read Jess’s Ode to Manly Men, I would like to offer my own personal tribute to the manly men in my life. It turns out there are TONS of them. Am I drawn to Manly Men? Or do I know how to make them Manly Men?
I divide “BACHELOR 101: Cooking + Cleaning = Closing,” my cookbook/lifestyle guide for idiot single guys like me, into three sections: Food, Abode and Dude.
Here are some tips that can specifically help a woman prep her abode prior to a date.
Men aren’t pigs; we’re crows. If a woman follows my suggestions she will eliminate anything “shiny” that could distract us from her.
“Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.” – John Steinbeck
So we’ve established that, from time to time, guys can act like assholes. But are they assholes at heart? And if they’re not, then what might lead them to sometimes behave in such deplorable ways?
Hold on a sec while I grab my sociological case study hat and turn to my WTF?! tour interviews. Okay, here we go.
We here at WTF?! are absolutely, positively swooooooning over this anniversary gift (even if we’re still torn on the concept of anniversary celebrations in general).
Techno-romance at its most heartfelt and creative, this is a perfect example of a smart and loving Millennial man stepping outside of the box to show how much he cares – with no cliche flowers, dinners or stale chocolates in sight.
dah guys, take note!
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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