As a rule, I try to never be “that guy.”
I don’t want to be the guy in the restaurant who belittles a waiter (this never impresses a date), or the guy who pens a 10-page love letter to his platonic girl friend of many years (way to throw your friendship down the tubes).
But – for my female counterparts, you also shouldn’t want to be “that girl.” What do I mean?
1) The “I’d get kicked off Survivor first” girl.
In an age of GPS phones and Google, an amazingly high percentage of girls exhibit little to no resourcefulness.
For example, when I tell a girl that I will meet her at a restaurant, I usually give her the name and cross streets (I live in New York – we don’t pick girls up at the door in these parts). I expect that, between the moment I give her the information and the night of our date, she will have time to consult a computer for directions.
Yet, amazingly, I still get an extraordinary number of texts 10 minutes before the date asking, “Where is this place?” Or a phone call from the street saying they can’t find it. The worst is when they need you to come meet them at the front. Just take a lap around the place before you ask me to come escort you to the table. I’m 6’2” in a city full of tiny Jewish banker guys, you’ll see me. Show some independence.
2) The “Guys in this city suck” girl.
Girls love to complain about the lack of eligible men in their city.
When I’m traveling in any new place and I meet a cute girl, I have fun saying, “I heard the guys here are pretty bad, and there are many more attractive, intelligent girls than guys.” I almost always get the response. “OMG, YES, the guys here are SO bad!!!”
The percentage of douchebag guys is fairly high everywhere (except for Chicago, where they are all 6 feet tall and know how to treat a woman). Just accept that your city has its fair share of a-holes and try to find the diamonds in the rough.
3) The “Takes advice from an ex she dumped” girl.
Sure, YOU think you’re friends with your ex. But honestly, there is a really good chance that the guy never got over you, and that all of his advice is going to be skewed towards making the current guy look like a jerk.
Use your friend base for relationship advice, not the guy you left – yeah, the one who still wants to be with you.
4) The “I’ll spend $600 on a handbag, but I’ve never traveled outside of North America” girl.
Among the girls I date, those who haven’t traveled almost always have a piss poor sense of perspective. It’s simple – every time you visit someplace new, you become a stronger and more well-rounded person. Plus, your problems often don’t seem so huge anymore.
When I was 17, backpacking through Manila in the Philippines, I saw a girl my age who was lying on the street – alive – completely naked in a gutter with a dead baby in her arms. I was in the middle of complaining about how lost we were, how much the city smelled, and how humid it was. But of course, seeing this woman with her dead baby changed my perspective on the world and its “real” problems (ie. NOT the traffic on the road back from the Hamptons).
Dust off your passport. You might be surprised by how much happier you could be.
5) The “Wow, this purse is heavy – mind if I put it here on your bed?” girl.
DON’T PUT YOUR PURSE ON MY BED.
Yes, that purse that sat on the subway, on restaurant tables, on god knows where else. We’re going to roll around naked in that bed. I don’t want to share it with the bottom of your purse.
6) The “Excessive Nagger/Whiner” girl.
If you find the need to incessantly nag your man about something, and he just isn’t registering your complaints, then move on to a guy who is a better fit for you. Guys date much more than they used to, and chances are they have dated a really cool, secure girl who doesn’t nag and is really supportive despite whatever flaws they may have (and we all do have them).
Guys are very unwilling to put up with a nagger these days. And you will also be much happier with a guy who you don’t have to nag! So find someone else.
7) The “JetBlue should be charging for all her extra baggage” girl.
In today’s world, we date more than ever. This also means more breakups than ever.
If life was like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, then some women obviously go down the “Oh well, that didn’t work out” road and move on basically intact. But some women go down the “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!” road. This road is not pretty, and even their own girlfriends in the passenger seat are usually thinking, “I actually feel pretty normal, sitting next to Sally Psycho over there.” Chances are that most guys have met a girl who took the first path, and now know that non-crazy women exist (granted, this may be a little like catching Halley’s comet). Therefore, Captain Crazies will get dumped time and time again.
But after a fall, do not start questioning everything about your personality and analyzing what you need to change. An extremely pretty and athletic girl who plays on my flag football team was recently told by her ex, “By the way, it’s not attractive that you play football. That’s not what most guys want.” But who gives a crap about most guys?? I think it’s one of her best qualities, personally, and I know she will find a guy who loves that she can wear a dress on Saturday and catch a pass on Sunday. Nothing is more attractive than a girl who is confident and secure in herself (like the beautiful and intelligent founders of WTF?!).
So why should you avoid being that girl? Let me throw a manly analogy at you.
Remember how the huge high schools had really awesome sports teams because they had more people to pick from? That’s kind of how dating is now. People get married so much later in life, and have so many more non-date/date options and experiences, that the increased competition means you have to raise your game to finish on top.
“People who are the problem never recognize they are the problem” – Zig Zigler
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