Now that Jess and I have told Chris Brown to shamefully f*ck off, we can get back to the fun stuff. Like food! And sex! At the same time! Or at least in close succession!
(do I sound excited?)
Cook to Bang is a popular blog that is now a book. The project is billed as “The Lay Cook’s Guide to Getting Laid,” or as the website puts it – “Recipes to Get You Laid.” Author Spencer Walker claims he can make good on this promise of culinary sexual prowess. All it takes is a “Sex Crazy Mofo Tofu Scramble” or some “Miso Horny Cod” or the “Naughty Mahi,” paired, of course, with the proper alcoholic beverage of choice (Panty Dropping Shandy? Raging Hard (On) Lemonade? Smoking Hot Peppermint Fatty?) and you, dude, and your lady will be banging in no time.
Well. It’s a little more complicated than that. The book gives an excellent primer on Aphrodisiacs. Artichokes = Heroin. Beets = Steroids. Chiles = Ecstasy. Pine Nuts = Love Potion No. 9. (who knew?) Chocolate = Crack. (OK, that one is obvious). Walker also lays down the law: before, during and after the centerpiece meal. Advance planning is a must. You’ve got to set the vibe. You’ve got to make a smooth transition from Cook to Bang. Walker has thought this all out – and has learned from experience. If you read all the way through his snarky but engaging tome, you can become an expert on Advanced Culinarylingus and learn how to trouble shoot any and every vibe-killing disaster (flatulence, clothing spills, fire hazards, unexpected guests…)
Reading this book totally inspired me to don my lingerie and throw a dinner party of two! Especially since all the recipes look super easy (no pun intended).
But the problem is: I actually cannot cook. Even the Cook to Bang 5 minute, $8 “Stiffly Stuffed Avocado” looks way out of my league. I get (and lord knows I appreciate) the premise of this project: why go on expensive and boring “traditional dates,” when you could get together and bond, laugh and make out over a homecooked meal in a perfectly casual setting? But I really can’t cook. I can’t make Kraft Mac n Cheese without severly f*cking something up.
Fortunately, in our exciting, post-dating, modern, brave new world, I’ve noticed a trend that warms my heart even as it fills my stomach. I have several girlfriends in serious relationships in which it is the guy who does all the cooking. These guys love it. And my girlfriends, who are busy professional ladies, love and appreciate the homecooked meal they would probably never get it together to make for themselves. To me, the willingness of so many men to take on this traditionally female duty is yet another sign that our Millennial generation is re-writing the rules of romance, commitment and relationships. I think Spencer Walker and Cook to Bang is cutting edge. In truth, this cookbook-cum-seduction-manual has the potential, dudes, to get you laid both before AND after you enter a relationship.
So I think all the guys in my dah should read this book and start practicing their…sauteing…and stuff. They can cook to bang and I’ll bang to get them to cook. Dealmaker. Done. With a cherry on top. Yum…
Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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