Adore Kanye West; I always have. I love his music, think he’s incredibly smart, and the scope of his ambition is inspiring to me. I’m completely un-ironic when I call him a genius, which is something I do on the reg. I found this totally beautiful. And this melted my heart. Weirdly, all of his ridiculous antics and outbursts read, to me, as vulnerability, which makes me love him even more. (For the record, he was right. That Taylor Swift video was terrible.) I know; I’m crazy. I could expand upon my long history of pining for unlike able ego-maniacs (e.g. Kobe Bryant, Justin Bobby, ahem… Scott Disick) but that’s a story for another day. The heart wants what it wants.

Speaking of inexplicable and passionate stances of the heart, I hate Kim Kardashian. Or rather, I have a very complicated relationship with Kim Kardashian. That is, I outwardly loathe her, but also give the woman a LOT of attention. I watch her show, but tell people it’s only because of Mason and his amazing hair. I regularly check her Instagram, but don’t actually follow her. Because actually following her would signal to the world that I was a fan of hers, or something, and I’m too cool/smart/proud to admit that.

This is all done very stealthily of course. If you asked me to my face, I would deny every bit of it, look into your eyes and tell you I hate her. Then I’d slide on my reading glasses, casually flip to the next page of the “The New Yorker,” and go about the rest of my day pretending Kim Kardashian is beneath me. You know how it is. Basically, I’ve been living a lie. I follow her every move. Yet still, I find her awful. She doesn’t deserve her wealth, she exploits every situation for fame… blah blah blah… you know all of this already. Because, admit it, you’re probably just as obsessed with her as I am.

So, you can imagine my visceral reaction when I heard the pregnancy news. I was… very upset. The fact that someone I loved so dearly was committing himself so seriously to someone I did NOT respect was highly frustrating. I felt actual pangs of sadness. For these people I have never met.

I first went to Twitter, where, in the heat of the moment, I did this:

But then I suddenly felt like a terrible person because I saw this:

Goddamit, right? That Neal Brennan… always a step ahead.

Subsequently, my boyfriend tried to assuage me with something along the lines of “Come on… he [Kanye] is going to be a father!” Which continued to put things in perspective. And, oh yeah, there’s also the fact I’ve never met either of them. And that all of this emotional investment in hating Kim Kardashian is based on ZERO actual knowledge of her as a person.

In my defense, I don’t think it’s crazy for me to feel like I know these people, and to therefore self-license myself to pass judgement. After all, these two willingly toss every second of their lives to the media for public consumption. Feeling like I know them is presumably how they WANT me to feel. But was it “right,” warranted, or even more simply… NICE of me to react so negatively to this news?

Probably not. Ugh.

Here’s the thing. In 2013 I’m trying to treat people the way I’d like to be treated. (A cliché adage  I know, but it’s harder than you’d think to actually practice with unlikeable people.) There’s always the possibility that in the not so distant future the tables could turn. Kim Kardashian won’t know me personally, but I will be wildly famous (probably for solving the energy crisis) and then become impregnated by someone she deeply cares for (probably Colin Farrell). I’d like to think Kim would be happy for me in this hypothetical-but-not-impossible scenario.

So, let’s make it official. I’m happy for you, Kim Kardashian. Bringing a child into the world is most certainly a blessing, and I wish you good will as you start a family. As a peace offering for my prior indiscretions, here is a list of things I truly do like about you. It’s totally honest, and I’m not keeping it a secret any more. I might even start following you on Instagram.

•  You are Brunette. This is a big deal to me. The fact that you currently represent the world’s ideal female aesthetic,  e.x.  not tall, skinny, and blonde, is super cool. Thanks for demonstrating to the world that beauty comes in many different shapes and color pallets  Particularly pallets in the brunette family. (Ed. Note: Brandy is brunette.)

• You HUSTLE. Make that money, girl. Damn. Deserved or no, you are getting it DONE on the business front, and no one can take that away from you. You catch a lot of flack for exploiting every opportunity to make a quick dollar, but who among us, if given your beauty and exposure, wouldn’t do the same? You are going to be able to provide quite a life for Kanye’s child. I respect that. You know, girl power, independent women, et al.

• Your hair is awesome. Yes, it merits two spots on this list. I have said, more than once, to my hairdresser, “I want it to look like Kim Kardashian.” Kudos. When I’m watching your show and pretending to only pay attention to Mason, I am actually taking notice of your hairstyle(s) and then going to the mirror to see if I can pull off a ponytail the way you can. It’s probably not even your real hair! There’s a 99% chance you have a sh*t ton of extensions, and I don’t even care. You wear it well.

• You sell some cute clothes. To be clear, I’m not a fan of allllll of your clothes. (I work in an office. The Kardashian Kollection offers nothing for me here. But hey, props for staying in your lane.) However, occasionally we all want to amp up the sex appeal a bit. I used to turn up my nose at the whole “Sears” thing… but let’s be real. Is the price point at Sears that different from something like H&M or Forever 21? I’m taking off my elitist hat and nodding in approval for your work here.

• You love your family. I’m going to take this opportunity to suspend my disbelief about the “reality” involved in your reality show here. Your relationship with your sisters on-screen is something we can all relate to, and I find it pretty charming. While we do it in much cheaper shoes, my sister and I bicker at things just as silly and laugh at things just as ridiculous as do you, Kourtney, and Khloe. And at the end of the day, we love each other with the same cheesy schmaltz that traditionally ties up the final minute and a half of a “Kardashians” episode. It’s nice to watch.

Honestly, though, it’s all pretty nice to watch: the show, the tabloid drama, the impossibly stunning Instagram photos…. all of it. Kim, I’m going to keep tuning in. And from now on, I’ll admit that I’m rooting for you.

Thanks Luke Ford, for the photo!