Adore Kanye West; I always have. I love his music, think he’s incredibly smart, and the scope of his ambition is inspiring to me. I’m completely un-ironic when I call him a genius, which is something I do on the reg. I found this totally beautiful. And this melted my heart. Weirdly, all of his ridiculous antics and outbursts read, to me, as vulnerability, which makes me love him even more. (For the record, he was right. That Taylor Swift video was terrible.) I know; I’m crazy. I could expand upon my long history of pining for unlike able ego-maniacs (e.g. Kobe Bryant, Justin Bobby, ahem… Scott Disick) but that’s a story for another day. The heart wants what it wants.
Speaking of inexplicable and passionate stances of the heart, I hate Kim Kardashian. Or rather, I have a very complicated relationship with Kim Kardashian. That is, I outwardly loathe her, but also give the woman a LOT of attention. I watch her show, but tell people it’s only because of Mason and his amazing hair. I regularly check her Instagram, but don’t actually follow her. Because actually following her would signal to the world that I was a fan of hers, or something, and I’m too cool/smart/proud to admit that.
This is all done very stealthily of course. If you asked me to my face, I would deny every bit of it, look into your eyes and tell you I hate her. Then I’d slide on my reading glasses, casually flip to the next page of the “The New Yorker,” and go about the rest of my day pretending Kim Kardashian is beneath me. You know how it is. Basically, I’ve been living a lie. I follow her every move. Yet still, I find her awful. She doesn’t deserve her wealth, she exploits every situation for fame… blah blah blah… you know all of this already. Because, admit it, you’re probably just as obsessed with her as I am.
So, you can imagine my visceral reaction when I heard the pregnancy news. I was… very upset. The fact that someone I loved so dearly was committing himself so seriously to someone I did NOT respect was highly frustrating. I felt actual pangs of sadness. For these people I have never met.
I first went to Twitter, where, in the heat of the moment, I did this:
But then I suddenly felt like a terrible person because I saw this:
Goddamit, right? That Neal Brennan… always a step ahead.
Subsequently, my boyfriend tried to assuage me with something along the lines of “Come on… he [Kanye] is going to be a father!” Which continued to put things in perspective. And, oh yeah, there’s also the fact I’ve never met either of them. And that all of this emotional investment in hating Kim Kardashian is based on ZERO actual knowledge of her as a person.
In my defense, I don’t think it’s crazy for me to feel like I know these people, and to therefore self-license myself to pass judgement. After all, these two willingly toss every second of their lives to the media for public consumption. Feeling like I know them is presumably how they WANT me to feel. But was it “right,” warranted, or even more simply… NICE of me to react so negatively to this news?
Probably not. Ugh.
Here’s the thing. In 2013 I’m trying to treat people the way I’d like to be treated. (A cliché adage I know, but it’s harder than you’d think to actually practice with unlikeable people.) There’s always the possibility that in the not so distant future the tables could turn. Kim Kardashian won’t know me personally, but I will be wildly famous (probably for solving the energy crisis) and then become impregnated by someone she deeply cares for (probably Colin Farrell). I’d like to think Kim would be happy for me in this hypothetical-but-not-impossible scenario.
So, let’s make it official. I’m happy for you, Kim Kardashian. Bringing a child into the world is most certainly a blessing, and I wish you good will as you start a family. As a peace offering for my prior indiscretions, here is a list of things I truly do like about you. It’s totally honest, and I’m not keeping it a secret any more. I might even start following you on Instagram.
Honestly, though, it’s all pretty nice to watch: the show, the tabloid drama, the impossibly stunning Instagram photos…. all of it. Kim, I’m going to keep tuning in. And from now on, I’ll admit that I’m rooting for you.
Thanks Luke Ford, for the photo!
Colorado-bred, Brandy is an MBA candidate, marathon runner, and former NBA dancer who currently lives and works in Boston, Massachusetts. She loves long weekends, margaritas, and the USC Trojans. She hates it when people take the elevator to the second floor. Follow her at @iambadler.
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