Do you need help finding a man? Joe Bonomo would like to offer his dating advice with his 64 page book titled How To Find Your Man from 1954. Want to find and keep “Your Man”? Follow these tips!
1. Start by filling out a handy chart of “yes” or “no” questions.
Here are the questions (and Joe asks that you fill them out twice. First before reading the book, and then after.)
1. Sure you want to find him? (Sure.)
2. Are you ready for him? (Oh yeah.)
3. Are you mentally relaxed? (Hahahahahaha.)
4. Are you honest with yourself? (Sure.)
5. Can you be honest with him? (Oh yeah.)
6. Are you feminine in appearance? (…what?)
7. Do you look happy? (Well not when I’m having panic attacks, which is fairly often.)
8. Can you share? (Yeah unless it’s my stuff.)
9. Want a guy who’s not quite perfect? (Are you hitting on me, Joe?)
10. Are you prompt for dates? (I try my best, I swear!)
11. Is your outfit complimentary to him? (Yes, I spied on him before our date and matched my outfit accordingly, down to the tie.)
12. Do you want him tailored to fit your idea of Mr. Right? (Who is Mr. Right, really?)
So how did you do, ladies?
It was a resplendent day in the outback when my friends and I set out to experience the famous Bell Gorge, known for its daunting cliffs and deadly challenges. To get there, we had to drive off-road for an hour, wade through unpleasantly croc-infested water and hike for miles. If you were brave enough to attempt ‘The Jump’, though, you had to climb even higher on the extremely rocky terrain that stretched over the gorge. The men in my group were anxious to race each other to the top and be the first to conquer the mammoth cliff.
The girls and I laid down our towels and waved goodbye as the guys set off in search of bigger thrills. (I don’t see what could be a bigger thrill than achieving the ultimate cinnamon glow, but whatever.) Before we knew it, the guys were at the top of the cliff, a little more than fifteen meters above us. Expecting the men to jump right away, we all had our cameras ready and waiting. And waiting. And waiting … What was the hold-up?
I just had the most delightful, enlightening, and inspiring read and I couldn’t wait to tell you all about it! It’s called Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt, and it is all about enabling you to shine your inner light so brightly that it becomes a man-attracting beacon. You heard me right. There is so much good, freaking empowering stuff to learn from this book that I recommend it for absolutely everyone. And there are flirtation techniques that are fun for even boring marrieds (I’ve already tried a few on my husband with excellent results). Reading Smitten is like having someone encourage you up the ladder to the high-dive and cheering, “One, two, three!” as you ready to jump into a big pool of self-confidence and flirting savvy.
One of the requirements for my (soon-to-be-completed!) MFA degree was to read at least fifty books while in the program. Reading a wide variety of material was meant to inform my own work, and while I read plenty of books about writing (style, voice, motivation, et cetera) I also read many books simply because they interested me. Not surprisingly, plenty of the essays and memoirs discussed relationships in some manner or another.
I know that when most people think of “beach reads” for vacations or long summer afternoons and weekends, romance novels or newly released works of fiction come to mind. And that’s fine—I’m all for people reading what appeals to them—but since I’ve done a considerable amount reading in the past two years, I have a few nonfiction recommendations to make as part of your unofficial summer reading program (that is, after you’ve read Dating & Hookup).
“I wanted someone to love me but I certainly didn’t need it. I didn’t want to be alone, but as long as I was, I had no choice but to wear my solitude as though it were haute couture. The worst sin imaginable was not cruelty or bitchiness or even professional failure but vulnerability.” –Meghan Daum, “On the Fringes of the Physical World”
This quote is from Daum’s 2001 essay collection My Misspent Youth (which I highly recommend, but that’s neither here nor there). In the essay, Daum discusses the initial all-consuming elation of beginning her first online relationship followed by the surprising disappointment she experiences after meeting the object of her email-fueled affections in person.
Although the essay was published twelve years ago, it feels as though she could’ve written it last week. Many of the sentiments expressed by Daum remain relevant as we Millennials navigate the evolving rules of dating and falling in love in 2013.
“I wanted someone to love me but I certainly didn’t need it.” Many people want to fall in love, but I guess we don’t really need it. Or we can at least convince ourselves that we don’t need it. We’re well-trained in thinking we’re too busy for that kind of thing. We think our relationships with friends and family can provide all of the love we need. Romantic love is often regarded as an afterthought, probably because we’re so unsure of how to find and/or let this kind of relationship into our lives. But even if we’re all busy, unsure or insecure, there’s still no denying that want.
People often insist that love happens when you least expect it. They tell you to fill your life with activities, and chase your dreams, and you’ll be so fixated on everything else that love will just find you.
I know people mean well when they rattle off that old cliché, but come on. Love happens when you least expect it? Really? So how are you supposed to shut down that part of your brain? If love is something you really, truly want in your life, how are you supposed to just NOT think about it while waiting for the moment when you least expect it? Is the universe purposely withholding love from single people who are hyper-aware of everything all the time? (Also, is the universe allowed to toy with us in such a way? Rude.)
I don’t get caught-up in that line of thinking very often (because I actually am busy with other stuff), but whenever my mind wanders to that territory, I get a little frustrated because I honestly don’t know how to “least expect it.” And then I read May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein, and now I have a better understanding.
Much of the book is about creating ways to allow for positive change in our lives. Bernstein writes that fear controls many of our thoughts and actions, and we can only create positive change by releasing our fear and moving forward in love. So how do you release this fear? By focusing on gratitude. When you’re grateful—truly, legitimately, 100% grateful—for what is already in your life, positive change occurs naturally.
Tré was a young L.A. publicist when she fell in love with Alberto, a 30-something ad exec in Manhattan. They married on their eighth date and began an adventure that was, uh, interrupted when she found him dead of a heart attack four years later. With a drink in one hand and a blog in the other, Tré proceeded to face her grief the new-fashioned way.
In this exclusive excerpt from her forthcoming book, Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir, Tré stares down her first Valentine’s Day as a widow—then picks up a pair of scissors and reinvents it.
On the May night I met Alberto, I’d confessed to him that 2005 was my first year without a valentine—and I was still bitter about it. A few weeks later, he flew me from L.A. to New York for our second date and a huge bouquet of red roses was staged in his living room. A handwritten card had asked me to be his valentine.
We were married three months later, and on our first February 14th, I discovered that Alberto didn’t actually subscribe to Valentine’s Day.
I don’t need Hallmark telling me when to say ‘I love you,’ he had scoffed.
Junot Diaz <3
He has a new collection of short stories coming out called This Is How You Lose Her.
One breezy summer afternoon a few years ago, I actually heard him read the title story in Central Park:
You have a girlfriend named Alma, who has a long tender horse neck and a big Dominican ass that seems to exist in a fourth dimension beyond jeans. An ass that could drag the moon out of orbit. An ass she never liked until she met you…
It is a quick, sparkling piece and is published online, here.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter