So, every week I like to round up what I refer to as the “Best Lady Tweets“, AKA, funny tweets from hilarious women on Twitter. And each week, it seems like an incredible surprise: a sort of, “Wow, time for this already? Didn’t I just do this?” I mean, the days/weeks/months are just flying by for me. Anyone else feel this way?
Well, whether you’re ready for it or not, the weekend is coming, and with it, these best lady tweets. Enjoy!
Honestly drunk girls I meet in bathrooms treat me better than 99% of the people I know.
— Jewpac Kippur (@jewfacekilla) May 5 2021
Celery is like healthy spoons for ranch dressing.
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) May 5 2021
Good thing you have that “baby on board” sign on your car because I was gonna ram the hell out of you for no reason before I saw it.
— Pony Starwars (@tigersgoroooar) May 6 2021
[1st date] "I'll just get a salad and a water" [9th date] "Give me the never ending pasta and I want like a fuckton of breadsticks too"
— Amanda Hugnkiss (@caliluvgirl77) April 30 2021
I'm entitled to my opinion, and it's my opinion that your shirt needs at LEAST four more wolves.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) May 5 2021
Parents say: Sit still. Kids hear: Pretend you're covered in spiders.
— Elizabeth is Ruined (@Elizasoul80) May 6 2021
Good Insults: -you look like if a sad turkey wore a cape that said "I'm an idiot" -your legs suck -You look like if a Mervyn's was a guy
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 6 2021
Do you ever have that not so fleek feeling?
— Nobody (@SleazySli) March 19 2021
Cinco de Mayo and Taco Tuesday have converged. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE.
— Megan Whitmer (@MeganWhitmer) May 5 2021
and the #1 tweet is…
I would rather burn down a rainforest than take three extra minutes using the blow dryers in a public restroom.
— Birthday Hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) April 30 2021
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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