Hang in there. We’re so close. And we’re in Brussels! There’s no song about Brussels so I got you this link to “One Night in Bangkok.” Thank me in a week when it’s still in your head.

Everyone talks about how much pressure’s on, and then they are distracted by the shininess of their hotel accommodations.

Everyone is ALSO wearing gorgeous drape-y man scarves or hoodies. NOT BOTH AT ONCE.

Each of the five dudes are just a little bit creepy about how much they like Andi and want her for their very own. Everyone continues to hate Nick, and I love Nick. Nick’s terrible attitude reminds me of the delightful man to whom I gave my final rose.

One-on-One Date: Marcus Gosling-Cage                                                     

A confession: I had to rewind this sequence because I spent a lot of time Googling “man scarf.”

Andi and Marcus tour Brussels, buying chocolates, taking selfies, and looking at postcards. Over beers and mussels (in Brussels!). Marcus confesses that he almost left.

They talk at dinner about what Marcus’s mom would ask Andi (his father is no longer in the picture). Marcus talks about his family in probably the most honest way I’ve ever witnessed on this show; it’s difficult (because it’s television) to get a full read on what went on, but it sounds like it was a tough house with a single mom who was doing the best she could with a lot of not-amazing information.  And it seems like Marcus has done a lot of work on himself and his relationships.

Hey, Marcus? You’re too interesting for reality television. If I see you on Bachelor in Paradise, I am going to lose my mind.

Some additional stray observations: Marcus looks a bit like Liam McPoyle, too. He wears a beaded bracelet.

They make out a ton.

Back at the Hotel:

Amidst cries of “It’s not fair!” and Josh commenting that he expected it to be a group date, but it was only his name.

I’ll put it this way: none of this information goes unobserved by Josh.

Meanwhile, Nick decides to take some action.

Nick sneaks out, and goes to the front desk, where he lies to the desk clerk, who I am sure doesn’t know that he’s with The Bachelorette (the camera crew is always a giveaway). Andi is utterly charmed as they walk through town, and Nick admits that he’s terrified and has been thinking, “I could marry her.”

Am I supposed to hate Nick? Is there something wrong with me? Because I just don’t hate him. They make out a bunch.

One-on-One Date: Josh

More eating. Andi talk about needing to know Josh’s deeper feelings, and, well…here’s the thing, Andi: I don’t think he can.

Meanwhile, a one-man band followed by ducks walks by. Maybe he can be the next Bachelor.

That evening, they have an inconclusive conversation about feelings and whatnot. Josh tells her that he is falling in love with her, and she just lights up.  She likes him so much.  There’s a band performing and they slow dance to their song while a bunch of Belgians stand there.

Group Date: Everyone Really Hates Nick

Andi meets the four men on her group date in the remains of a castle on the Belgian countryside. They go somewhere on a four-person bike-coal cart-type thing. (I tried to find a Google image, but the best I can do is an image of Gale’s recumbent bike from Breaking Bad):

They end up at a monastery where there is a strict no-makeout rule. They sit down in an outdoor waiting area, and everyone stares at the rose on the table while Andi takes Chris to the monestary’s pottery shed. They violate the monastery’s no-makeout rule pretty quickly.

Meanwhile, Nick schemes aloud, one hand in his pocket, about getting that rose. Brian puts it all on the table, telling Andi how much he wants her to meet his family.

Everyone continues to hate Nick while he spends some alone time with Andi. They work really hard to not make out. Andi gives him the rose, and everyone else looks bummed. Nick feels like this means that she loves him. No, Nick, it means she gave you the rose. Getting this rose means that Nick gets to spend more time with Andi this evening.

The rest of the dudes are very unhappy on their ride home. There’s a lot of talk about how Nick is there for the wrong reasons (although I don’t think we have seen that; I think we have seen single-minded determination to land a chick who he really, really likes).

He doesn’t seem to be the scumbag that usually shows up on this show for the wrong reasons.  I really think he likes her.  They make out a lot.

I just can’t hate Nick, which is probably two years worth of money in the bank for my therapist.

 

Back at the Palace of Broken Dreams

Everyone continues to hate Nick and his game-playing. They keep it up when Nick comes in the door, and it’s time for a confrontation.  But first, everyone sits in silence. Then the following things happen:

• Marcus says that Nick preys on insecurity.
• Brian says that Nick was too confident.
• Marcus then explains that Nick knows way too much about The Bachelor(ette) franchise.
• Nick’s all, “So?”

• Everyone goes around the room and says that Nick talks more about strategy than Andi.
• Apparently there’s additional discussion about who will be the next Bachelor.
• Chris says that Nick loves to hear himself talk.

• Josh says something not entirely useful.

• Nick explains that he didn’t come here to be in a frat house (a not-so-catchy variation on not arriving in a locale to make friends) but ultimately believes he will end up with Andi.

 

The Rose Ceremony

Andi shows up in the blingiest dress ever and does one-on-one time with each of the guys. As they’re each pleading their case, Nick shows up, and steals Andi away.

Nick gets super-emotional in his interview, and he seems pretty convinced that they are falling in love. Chris, in the meantime, snatches Andi away to make out with her one last time before the roses.

Chris Harrison is all business as he introduces Andi, who has three roses to give.

The hometown visits will go to:

Nick

Josh

Marcus

Chris

Going home are Brian and Dylan. Watching them accept this information is unpleasant.

Next week: More tears as we go on hometown visits and learn of the death of Eric. Yikes.