“Justin Bieber says being able to apologize makes good boyfriend. “You’re always wrong when it comes to girls” Justin, we need to talk.” – @AskDrRuth
Quotes via Dr. Ruth’s Twitter
Images via Dr. Ruth’s Twitter and Justin Bieber’s Twitter
You’re 32…Are your friends starting to have kids?
All of ‘em. All of ‘em are fucking doing it behind my back, almost selfishly; not taking our friendship into consideration and just going off and ruining their lives by having children. In the last year, three of my friends have done it. I just don’t know them anymore. No — it’s good; obviously, it’s great. But I don’t see them as much, and whenever I do I have to hang out with this little, flabby-skinned shit who’s terrible at drinking games.
Wait, kids have flabby skin? Or are you talking about the mothers?
The kids! Fuck them.
So I guess you don’t show up at many 1-year-old birthday parties?
Not at all. That’s not a party. Just because it’s a birthday doesn’t mean you can call it a party. It’s not a party if there are 11-month-olds at it.
Quotes from New York Magazine’s Vulture blog
Image via BridesmaidsMovie.com
Who’s your favorite bad guy?If you were a stripper, what would you choose for your stage name?
What’s the most useless piece of advice you’ve ever received?
“Don’t take yourself seriously.”
What do you remember most about your first kiss?
Quotes from The Huffington Post
Image via The Huffington Post
“What do people do on dates? They eat pizza, mostly. Sometimes you can see a movie – but why would you go see a movie on a date if the idea is, like, getting to know each other? How are you getting to know each other when you’re just sitting there?…I think people who go see movies on dates are just afraid to talk to each other…
…The truth is, I haven’t been on a lot of dates. Which is not because I’m not a total catch – I mean, I am, come on. But usually I just meet ladies in a social setting, we chit-chat and whatnot, and then we kind of find ourselves – by the time we actually do go on a date, it’s kind of hard, it feels like the 2nd or 3rd or 10th or 40th date…
…I don’t know what I would do on a date. I’d probably be scared. I do like pizza, though. Maybe I’ll give it a try someday!”
Quotes from Rookie
Image via DaveHillOnline.com
“I’ve never gone on a date…If I’ve ever had a man in my life, it’s because I know him well, and he really means something to me. I don’t take that stuff lightly. I’d rather be by myself than be spending any time or energy on somebody that I didn’t feel sure about.”
Quotes from Elle
Image via Elle
“I think there is something beautiful in reveling in sadness. The proof is how beautiful sad songs can be. So I don’t think being sad is to be avoided. It’s apathy and boredom you want to avoid. But feeling anything is good, I think. Maybe that’s sadistic of me.”
Quotes from undertheocean.tumblr.com (and basically every other Tumblr blog out there!)
Image via Screen Rant
Today, we bring you a dah guy full of good intentions. After following this column for a while, he came to us and declared, “My turn – I’m ready to help some ladies! Please let me help some ladies!” And help us he shall. Keep reading for his rock solid advice on meeting (eligible non-80-year-old) men, navigating Facebook relationships and decoding the mystery of Bros Before Hos (or not!).
To submit your questions for next week’s guy, email us at [email protected] with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line!
Question #1: I’ve been unhappily single for a while and dating around. EVERY single one of my girl friends is in a relationship, married, and/or having a kid, and I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to find the right person for me. Then I read Jess’s latest Ask Jess column, and I was inspired to try something different and just focus on “doing me” for a little while, and then see who came into my life. I volunteered for two organizations and am about to join two more, and my boring spinster life is getting better.
But the problem is that everyone I’m meeting is 40-80 years old or under 18 – and I’m 26. And I can’t afford to go to bars right now and meet people my age there. So…any ideas for casually meeting guys during this period of “doing me?” Where do guys hang out, when not at a bar and not “dating” someone? I’d like to approach this “doing me” period in a way that might also lead to meeting great guys to at least add to my dah, but I think I’m doing it wrong.
I would say that the most reliable source for meeting eligible men is through friends and friends of friends. Of course, don’t go to all of your friends and ask them to find you a nice man, but instead just spend time with your friends as you normally would and let the natural world of social networking do its job.
I would suspect that you have some friends who are much more social than others (i.e. those that know “everybody”). Try to spend more time with these “social hubs” as they gallivant throughout the city, and you’re bound to meet a multitude of new people – and hopefully you’ll find someone who might strike your fancy. As with anything, finding someone with this method requires a little bit of luck and patience, but you definitely get the vetting factor of the friend being able to tell you about them. Plus, you’re only looking casually, so this method should work swimmingly.
If that doesn’t work, then I’d say you should join a recreational sports league in the city (such as Big City Volleyball or Zog Sports). Its a great way to meet loads of people your age, and often chemistry on the court could lead to chemistry off the court, if you get my drift… Worst case, you get a good workout
If you just recently started hooking up, then my guess is that you may not be the only lucky lady in his life right now. It’s likely that you learned a good amount about him over the last year of your friendship, but think back if you ever heard a lot about his dating life. Often, when presented with situations where a guy isn’t exclusively dating anyone and may be interacting (read: kissy kissy bang bang) with multiple people, the guy will act first, resolve later. Its pretty easy to ride inertia into the sunset, so if things haven’t blown up in his face yet, he will often just keep going with what works until it doesn’t, and then figure out the next steps from there.
In terms of what you should do, you first need to decide whether this is the kind of friendship that you want to evolve into a lot more, or if you’re okay with it being casual/non-committal. If the former, you’ll need to be clear with him about what’s going on with you two and get him either to agree with you on that or cut it off if you two don’t align. If the latter, then it probably wouldn’t hurt to be clear about that as well, but you should be able to set your mind at ease about any of the potential “awkwardness” you may be feeling. Worry about getting you OK with the situation first – then everything else will fall into place.
Question #3: There’s a guy who likes me (Guy A) – BUT, I like his friend (Guy B). Guy B and I have a ton of chemistry, but he hasn’t made a move yet, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s because he’s not that interested, or because he knows that his friend Guy A likes me. So I’m wondering – do guys “call dibs” on girls, in the same way that girls often do? Is there any chance that they’ve talked about me, and Guy A has said that he likes me, and so Guy B just feels like he can’t do anything about it? I know this happens all the time with girls – the biggest no-no in my friend group is to go for a guy who your friend likes!! – but not sure how guys usually handle potentially being into the same girl.
The answer – it varies. Bro-lationships can range from the “bros before hos” mentality to the “I saw her first, don’t you dare think about it” rivalry. Whether they fight for a potential girl or one yields to the other is driven by how good of friends they are and how awesome the girl is. Sadly, unless these are the kind of guys that will open their mind and heart to you on a whim, you’re probably not going to find which way the wind blows on this one.
Of course, I’ve always found that empirical study can lead the way to truth. You make a great point about not knowing if someone is interested because they “haven’t made a move.” Perhaps you should add some kindle to the fire and find out if Guy B is interested. If you give a guy the appropriate hints and he is interested in you, he’ll almost always bite. Most guys who aren’t bold enough to ask first are often just afraid of rejection. When a girl gives the guy a clear signal that she’s interested, the guy becomes a lot more confident and will make the move you’ve been waiting for.
What signal can you use to determine his interest? It can be seeing if he’s up for dinner or drinks, or a little bit of physical contact when out in a group (e.g. holding onto his arm when walking, touching his back when standing next to each other at a bar, or even being bold and giving him a “sexy eyes” look). All a guy needs is a little help, and if he’s been interested all that time as well, it’s on.
Believe it or not, guys are forgiving creatures. Rarely have I seen a situation where Guy A and Guy B would hate each other because they both liked the same girl and one of them lost out. Very few guys start relationships with someone thinking that this is going to be THE ONE (sadly, right?), so if it doesn’t work out with a girl they liked, it often will not have too much after-effect. What is much more common is that Guy A and Guy B will hate each other because they dated (and slept with) the same girl, with one person not knowing it was happening. Though, there is also the case of “eskimo brothers” (which I first heard when watching The League) where two guys are actually bonded over sleeping with the same girl — I’m much more of a skeptic on this topic, though.
Given that nothing has really happened here on either front, I’d say it’s rather safe to go for the one you want with little risk of harming their friendship. Good hunting!
Image via oFace Killah
“There’s just a time where it was like, just getting pussy. Where I was in that sort of ‘I’m young, I’m going to disconnect from my emotions and just do what everyone else tells me I should do and just be a rapper and have my fun.’ And for me as a person, it just doesn’t work. I just need something else. The seconds after a man reaches climax, that’s like the realest moment of your life. If I don’t want you next to me in that fifteen, twenty seconds, then there’s something wrong.”
Quotes from GQ: On the Cover: Drake
Image via GQ
“I’ve never been single…This is the first time in my life. From the time I was nineteen, I’ve been in relationships, literally gone from one to the other within a month…
…It’s been good for me…I’m a creature who’s really found her comfort zone in relationships…
…It’s been nice to rediscover myself…I had to make a real conscious effort to do it—it’s hard. It’s much easier to lose yourself in flowers and cigarettes and coffee with somebody else.”
Quotes from Vogue: Charlize Theron: Breaking Away
Image via Vogue
“I think we’ve gotten to the point in our culture where we’re all sex addicts, literally. We have equated happiness in life with as many orgasms as you can possibly pack in, regardless of where it is that you deposit your love interest…
…And I have to honestly say, I think this era of porn is at least partially responsible for it. Where is the anticipation and the personalization? It’s all pre-fab now. You have these images coming at you unannounced and unsolicited. It just gets to be so plastic and phony to me. Maybe men respond to that. But is it really better than an experience with a real life girl that he cares about? It’s an exploitation of the poor male’s libidos. Poor babies, they can’t control themselves…
…I just imagine them sitting in front of their computers, completely annihilated. They haven’t done anything, they don’t have a job, they barely have ambition anymore. And it makes for laziness and a not very good sex partner. Do they know how to negotiate something that isn’t pre-fab and injected directly into their brain?…
…I don’t care if I’m becoming one of those old fogies who says, “Back in my day we didn’t have to hear about sex all the time.” Can you imagine? My fantasies were all made up on my own. They’re ruining us with all the explanations and the graphicness. Nobody remembers what it’s like to be left to form your own ideas about what’s erotic and sexual. We’re not allowed any individuality. I thought that was the fun of the whole thing. It’s my fantasy. I didn’t pick it off the Internet somewhere. It’s my fantasy.”
Quotes from Men’s Health: Interview with Raquel Welch
Image via PhotoJoel
photo via tj scenes
Becky isn’t sure if this guy is in her dah (he’s The Prospect You’re Not Sure Is A Prospect). WTF?! But more importantly, he’s unambiguously answering YOUR questions on boyfriends, flirting and phone calls.
To submit your questions for next week’s guy, email us at [email protected] with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line!
Question #1: My boyfriend and I have been dating for around six months, and far as I can remember, he has never once said I look nice in an outfit or called me beautiful or complimented me in any way – unless I’m in my underwear, and then all I hear is how hot I look. But what’s more, he is always pointing out to me other girls he thinks are hot. He has a very definite type – short hair, punk, broody – and I’m the opposite (boho, outdoorsy), so it makes me feel very insecure when he tells me how beautiful some other girl is or how hot some punk chick’s hair looks.
He does this all the time, even when we’re not in a fight, and I’ve told him before that it makes me upset. We’ve known each other for several years and have only recently become a couple, so most of me thinks that he’s just so used to me by now. When he only tells me I’m hot when I’m butt-naked, it makes me feel like thats all I’m good for. So what’s your take?
Can I be honest? This guy sounds like a bum. I can actually understand not complimenting you too often on your appearance, as this is something that I, too, am pretty hesitant to do. Even if I’m out with a girl I find very attractive, saying how pretty she looks can feel very forced, so I don’t. Now some guys, my oldest brother for one, can say this to every woman in the room and it will sound very natural and genuine. And good for him because, Newsflash: people like being told they’re pretty.
So, yeah, this guy should probably be telling you how attractive you are (in clothes), but I’m letting him off the hook for that offense. But I am stringing this crumbum* up by the ankles for his worst offense; you do not tell your girlfriend how hot other women are. I mean, guys don’t need to act like other women aren’t attractive, but pointing out the ones that we think are hot is strictly verboten. And this is pretty common knowledge. Guys know not to do that. Your boyfriend is being a jackass.
What it sounds like to me, and I hesitate to say this, but I am trusting you to be smart enough to receive this correctly, is this: I think he probably wants you to dress or act more like a punk chick. If he’s dating you, I’m going to guess that he does find you attractive and, with your clothing gone, he obviously does. So, he is probably thinking, hey, you know what’d be cool. If this hot girl I’m dating dressed more like this girl or did her hair like that girl.
Now, this is just a guess, of course, but right or wrong don’t change who you are to fit someone else’s ideal. I think that’s obvious…I really hope it’s obvious, but hey, it needs to be said. I’m not sure what else to tell you except to repeat that, yeah…this guy kind sounds like a bum.
*that’s a word, right?
Question #2: Do you have any tips on how I can tell if a guy is flirting with me, or just being nice…?
Hm, honestly, no.
Oh sorry, is that not helpful? Uh…well let me start by saying this: there is sometimes no difference between the two; it really depends on the guy. I know that I am a heinous offender when it comes to blurring this line. For most of my life, I didn’t know how to interact with girls except to flirt with them. Do you think that caused some problems? Oh yeah.
I will offer a few tips, but just remember, they might be completely useless, depending on the guy in question. And hell, he might be flirting with you one day and then, the very next day, treat you with all the kindness that he would show his dear old grandmother.
Tip 1: Be on the look-out for stupid comments.
Hey did you know that guys sometimes get nervous around girls they like? Crazy, I know! So, if a guy is normal and articulate when you’re hanging out in a group and then says things like “potato is kind of a funny word” when you’re alone together, then maybe he’s doing a little bit of starch-based flirtation. Hooray!
Tip 2: Is his hand on your leg?
Here’s one I bet you didn’t think of: if he’s touching you, he’s probably doing so because he wants to touch you! Ok, a hand on the leg might be a tad obvious. But maybe his arm is wrapped behind your chair so that he’s not touching you at all, but will be once you lean back. …Then again, maybe he just likes stretching out…
One thing I tend to do is guide a girl by the lower back. Meaning, if we’re walking together and suddenly have to go into a single-file, I will allow her to go ahead of me with a gentle touch. Or, if we’re in the street and a car is coming, the guidance may be slightly more actualized but no less affectionate.
Tip 3: Turn to literature
If you really want to know if a guy likes you, write him a simple note asking “Do you like me?” And be sure to leave a checkbox for “yes” and a slightly smaller one for “no.” That’s how I got Alex Emery to go with me to the seventh grade dance and I’m sure it’ll work for you, too!
Question #3: I have a Boyfriend Prospect in my dah. We text all the time and make plans to hang out via text. But it feels like it would be quicker and easier to talk on the phone sometimes, but I don’t want to be the first to call him because he’s never called me… Plus, it’s nice to say hi and talk on the phone sometimes right? Am I overthinking this? Should I just call him? Or definitely not call him?
Ahh, good question. This much is certain: you’re not over-thinking it. It’s one of those really stupid things in life, but there is definitely a dynamic-shift from texting to calling. You’re absolutely correct that it is often quicker and easier to make plans while talking instead of the often-tedious back-and-forth of texting.
I think that if you want to talk over the phone, give it a try! One of you is going to have to be the first to call the other, right? Give it a go and see if the call is weird and uncomfortable or natural and easy. His opening “hello” will probably be a good indicator of this. If he really hates phone calls, then you’ll likely have to keep on texting, but I don’t think you’re going to lose any favor in his eyes by at least attempting the nerve-wracking first phone-call.
If you’re lucky enough (?) to be a teacher in Buffalo, NY, then your employee contract gives you the option to get unlimited plastic surgery. Botox, liposuction, tummy tucks, rhinoplasty, breast augmentation – you can get them all (and as many times as you want!) at no cost, with no deductible. W.T.F. we say. With the $5.9 million this, – um, perky – perk costs the district, approximately 240 more teachers could be hired. But what’s educating children next to getting it right, tight and 100% off??
Shout Out to our favorite CitygirlFarmhand for the tip!
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