This week’s dah guy is…well, he’s kind of a jerk. But hey, sometimes men are jerks, right? We might as well push our insecurities deep down inside and hear what they have to say about our post-dating quandaries, too.

So now, a jerk’s advice on attracting men, reading into that ambiguous Facebook chat, and turning your (overly) friendly neighborhood handyman into something more!

To submit your questions for next week’s guy, email us at [email protected] with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line!

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Question #1: How can I get men to approach me? I’m a very friendly and talkative woman, and I’m attractive (according to the men I’ve been with, my friends, etc. – I promise, I’m not being egotistic or delusional – I’m just a normal, attractive person!). But when I go out with my friends, guys always talk to everyone else but me. I even try talking to them first, but they either seem uninterested in talking to me, or they just don’t say much and the conversation dies.

If this helps, I got out of a six-year relationship about a year ago, so I might still be a little rusty. Help! I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong.

I have to be honest, this question really puzzles me. I’m stumped on the first one already! If what you say is true, then this hardly makes any sense…

…which is why I’m going to assume that you’re not an attractive person.  Hey, I know, I’m a big jerk – but you can take solace in the fact that I have no idea what you actually look like, so, really, it’s all speculation.

Look, if you were an attractive person (or outside major cities, even just an okay-looking person), I can’t see why guys wouldn’t walk up and talk to you. Why they would talk to every other girl but you? Or seem uninterested? Honestly, it just sounds like you aren’t that pretty. And sorry, but it can’t even be your personality – a guy can talk to a stump, if the stump was hot. That’s not the problem.

Also, I don’t think that your long-term relationship is the problem, either.  While I commend your non-tramp-like ways, if a guy is interested, then even a little awkwardness isn’t going to stop him, ever. EVER.

Okay, wait, I have one more theory.  Maybe you aren’t ugly, but you just give off an unavailable aura. Some girls do this.  Many times in my life, I’ve been out, approached a pretty girl, tried to start conversation with her, and then walked away once I heard her flat, ‘I don’t care’ tone.  Maybe because you haven’t been looking for very long, you are getting bogged down by this ‘Not Available’ impression you give.  That could be it, too. Let’s hope.

Short answer: You’re ugly.

Long Answer: You’re awkward. Lighten up!

Question #2: I’ve known this guy for over a year.  I’m not sure what my status with him is – we have a weird relationship/friendship.  At one point a few months ago, we drifted apart when he was dating someone. But when they broke up, he started initiating contact with me again.

Here’s the thing – it’s all online, mostly via Facebook chat. He rarely asks me to hang out, but when we talk, we have real conversations: he does things like ask me about my future and contact me on holidays and tell me when something important happens to him (e.g. he gets a new job, he’s looking at new apartments). We even talk about the other girls and guys we’re (non-)dating. But again, he never asks me to hang out, and I never initiate hangouts because I’m afraid it may seem pushy.

I don’t think that I want to date him, but I hate when he talks to me about other girls. So I’m just trying to make sense of all this, and I’m wondering – what does he see me as? Why would he want to talk online all the time, but not seem to care about ever hanging out, and want to talk about other girls so much? Am I his friend? More? Am I supposed to call him out on this or something? WTF?!

Sounds to me like you’ve been reversed Friend-Zoned! Dun-dun-duuuun.

I know what you’re thinking: guys don’t usually Friend Zone. So my guess is that he’s probably gay and doesn’t know it yet!

Hmmm… but on the off chance that he’s not gay, you seem to be stuck with a big problem. Although, if you don’t want to date the guy, then why are you wasting all of our time with this question? (It seems I have more questions for YOU than you do for me.) So if you aren’t into him, then who cares! Sounds to me like you want me to say that he really likes you, so that you can get your ego filled and move on.  Man, I’m a jerk, eh?

Anyway my answer is: he isn’t into you, either. Facebook chat is a pretty non-committal way to keep in contact. It’s the new IM, and believe me, I’ve talked to tons of chicks who I don’t really care about on IM, even regarding personal topics.

I recently heard a great quote: “Girls fake orgasms, guys fake relationships.”  Even though I didn’t say that, that’s the best piece of advice I can give you.  If a dude is opening up about his personal life, the girls he’s dating, and his new job promotion, then that still doesn’t mean he cares about you. Guys just talk. It’s not deep or personal – it’s just some dude Facebook chatting with you. If he was into you, then he would AT LEAST ask you to hang out.

So you aren’t his friend, or more. Oh, and don’t call him on it because you’ll just make it weird.

Question #3: So a guy I went to high school with (who I havent seen in about 10 years) recently popped back up in my life. He lives close to me and has come over on several occasions to fix things in my house, since he knows that I’m a single woman trying to make it on my own. But while we talk and text a lot, he has yet to ask me out – even though lately, he has started to be more flirty and compliment me on how I look.

How do I know if he is romantically interested in me? And how can I get him to ask me out on a real date, or at least try to hang out with me without fixing something?

In stark contrast to my last question: HE TOTALLY WANTS YOU. I can’t overstate that enough.

Let’s say I’m handy with tools (I’m not). Let’s also say I can fix a toilet (I can’t), and I have an attractive girl living right next door (Who knows? I rarely leave the house). I would be over at that girl’s house EVERY DAY fixing/doing things. I’d be breaking stuff while she wasn’t looking, just to come back to fix it.  I would be pulling wires out of the wall, stuffing up garbage disposals – yo, I’d even break a TV just to get an invite back.

Now, let’s just say she wasn’t attractive.  You wouldn’t catch me fixing ANYTHING…EVER. I don’t care if she was a single woman with six kids. I won’t be over there under her sink.  I won’t help her move, I won’t fix her house, and I won’t paint her guest room. I also DEFINITELY wouldn’t compliment her. I mean, telling ugly people they are attractive is just plain wrong!

So ask him on a date and get it over with.  He will say yes. Also, because you’re a pretty girl, use it to your advantage! Get him to paint the stinking guest room, or at least throw your trash out once a week.

Image via DayTripsAtHand.com