Tina is an interpreter who moved from Chicago to Phoenix (of all places) who has been burned by men a lot, but that's okay. Things happen for a reason. Onwards and upwards! And anyway, she can talk sh*t about guys in 5 different languages. Most recently she's been into online dating, lifting heavy objects and chugging wine while watching the Olympics.
I woke up and suddenly my anger turned to hurt. The warm and salty tears began to stream down my face. Like a robot, I carried out my morning routine. I had been doing so well, but then he permeated my dreams.
At every turn, there he is with her. My friends don’t notice them lurking in the shadows, or even in the bright spotlights. Changing locales is useless. Even at bigger venues jam-packed with people, their faces haunt me like the ghosts I don’t really believe in. Finally, I approach them.
“What a cute couple! You’re going to have such adorable babies!” My voice drips with sarcasm.
A look of horror crosses his face and one of confusion crosses hers.
“You don’t mean to tell me she doesn’t know? Shame on you! Will you be taking her when you move?”
Even more confusion on her face. His look of horror dissolves into pure anger. He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me aside.
“What are you doing?” he demands in a fierce tone I had never heard. (Since when does he have a pair of balls?)
“I’m trying to help. She needs to know what she’s getting herself into.” I storm off without a backward glance.
We broke up a week ago, the day after celebrating my promotion, and my heart is slowly breaking.
It will hurt for some time – as it does when these things happen. But getting out of bed yesterday with thoughts like this swirling around my brain does nothing to help me. I will live and grow and be happy and enjoy my life in a way that I never would have with him.
The champagne, the dancing to music in my living room, the sex, the “I love yous” that night before became a show. That brought me back to reality. He didn’t mean it when he replied to my thousand “I love yous.” I was elated, and hours later it all came crashing down. Love can sometimes truly be blind.
I’m a strong and passionate person. I have dealt with worse and know there is someone out there who is better suited to making me happy. I even know in my current state there is someone better out there for him. But I simply detest feeling so vulnerable, like he actually took pieces of me with him that night.
I gave so much of myself and tried so hard to make things work. In the time I knew him, I grew and changed and challenged myself to be a better person. I learned about myself and about him, and about what it means to truly love someone. However, I also learned that just because I loved him, it didn’t mean it would fix him. I thought I was the problem, but it was him.
When he said we simply weren’t right for each other, all my efforts turned to dust in a few words. But he was right.
We broke up. I don’t want to allow him access to my life, and I don’t want to know what he is doing.
I need to heal. And that’s why I deleted you on Facebook.
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