Conceived in India, Spencer Walker is a classically trained white boy who started Cooking To Bang while a starving student at the Colorado College. He has worked as a sous chef, caterer, and private chef. Later Spencer worked as a creative executive and TV writer for Warner Bros., Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network.
People expect me, Mr. Cook To Bang, to turbo-load every sentence with perverse food metaphors. That’s my bread and butter and I promise the tomfoolery will return after these messages.
But not now. I write this from a jaded, dare I say, broken-hearted perspective.
To be brief, I put my player instincts on ice when I met a girl who seemed perfect. She is smart, motivated, and model-hot (literally used to bikini model). Other girls’ phone numbers were purged from my phone. My friends stopped hearing from me and assumed I fell into her vagina. I broke every dating rule about being aloof, emotionally unavailable, and a total bastard. And then she dumped me via text message on February 14th. Valentine’s Doomsday. WTF?
Inconsiderate? Yes. Harsh? Indeed. Classless? Most definitely. I won’t bore you with a diatribe about how text messages derail adult communications. I’m not blaming Steve Jobs and his iPhone. No. My middle finger is held high in the air at the Hallmark Corporation. They created a holiday intended to make a select few happy, leaving the rest of us to eat cake frosting alone in the dark.
It’s time to say vaya con dios to a once familiar friend. Dinner and a Movie Date, we knew you so well. Once. Remember sitting in a dark room not talking to the person you’re trying to get to know? Who could forget the arguments at the Red Lobster post-movie discussing whether the hunky star is actually gay? Do the math: $30 for a 3D blockbuster ($40 with popcorn/soda) + $50 dinner ($70 with wine) ÷ flaccid economy = M’eh (to the tune of a Benjamin).
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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