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Tonight launches – in many more ways than just my being snippy about the extraordinary redundancy of this show -the Heaven’s Gate of The Bachelor. Four hours over the course of two nights. Of excess, of beautifully photographed natural beauty, of magic, of face-slapping inanity, of a moustache-twirling villain named Tierra.
Chris Harrison announces to the eleven remaining girls that they are about to begin the journey around the world for love with Sean…in Whitefish, MT. I am sure that this is where all of these girls were hoping to go.
We open on a crowd of women who makes last week’s countenance of world-weary prostitute look like happy bunnies. Chris Harrison hands over the date card, announcing that “[Sean] sees his wife sitting in this room.” There are many intercuts of a comically bitch-faced Tierra throughout this entire segment, which ends with a date for Disney Princess Selma (DPS).
Sean porns around the bathroom of his accommodations like the relentlessly positive and goofy Patrick Bateman he is, and says, “This week I want to make sure the girls trust me.”
We open with a shockingly brief “What to expect tonight” – it clocks in at a minute, which means the chaff is ALL on the inside in episode 3. And again, the first shots are of Sean engaging in athleto-porn, stairmastering and saying, “I’m really digging a lot of women, and it’s blowing me away.” Color me stunned by this revelation.
Chris Harrison greets the ladies in the house, whose enthusiasm is now on par with a level called “world weary streetwalker” (down from last week’s “cartoon bunnies.”).
I caught up on episode 1 of this, the 17th season of The Bachelor, which has spawned countless US Magazine cover stories and enough marriages to count on two fingers, over the weekend. I shan’t recap the first episode, which comes in at a tidy 2 hours, but will offer the following observations:
Part I of an unnumbered series of love lessons from Beverly Hills, 90210.
Let’s get this out of the way:
There’s really no way to sugarcoat my unmitigated obsession with Beverly Hills, 90210. When asked if I wanted to write about the love lessons of the show, my response was, “I’ll start with Season 2 and I won’t get through an entire season in one piece.”
Here are just a few of the love lessons we can apply to our everyday life, courtesy of everyone’s favorite West Bev 27 year-old juniors.
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