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Dear Girlfriend I Recently Moved In With,
It’s been about six months since we moved in together, and I have to admit – it’s nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s actually been kind of, well, good. Our differing sleep habits, tastes in music/tv/movies, eating tendencies, and definitions of the word ‘clean’ have yet to become the relationship killers we both feared they would be. I’d say we’ve settled into a really nice groove at the intersection of friends, lovers and roommates. I cook for you, you clean up after me. I toss you the occasional romantic comedy in exchange for your undivided attention during football season (although we’re still stuck trying to hammer out a deal for the playoffs – I will not under any circumstances watch Sex and the City 2. But I’m confident we’ll get a deal done). I leave the seat down, and in exchange, you take responsibility for the epic amount of your hair that clogs our shower drain (seriously, are you secretly getting chemotherapy?). And we’re both still holding in our farts around each other (except for that one time we both had the flu). And the great thing is, we still occasionally make time to do things on our own, you with your ‘retail therapy’ nights with the girls and gays, and me with my poker nights with the guys.
Really, everything has been great since we moved in together. We’re both as content as we’ve ever been. So because of all these things, I think it’s time we consider our future.
(If you can sense where this is going, first let me apologize for doing this in a letter. God knows it’s not the most romantic way, but I might not ever get my nerve up to do it in person, so…..Deep Breath…..Here it goes.)
I think I should move out.
What if everything you’ve ever been led to believe about life and love was bullshit?
What if the moral of every fairy tale, romantic comedy, and Nicholas Sparks “novel” was not a realistic interpretation of how we as emotional beings are wired?
What if the idea of “One True Love,” the ubiquitous theme in nearly ever facet of our romantic and sexual lives – indeed, the one thing that even the most incorrigible of playboys and the fiercest breed of ‘independent women’ and everyone in between craves in some capacity or another – was a myth?
While you chew on that, let me back up for a moment and ask you a question. Have you ever had a conversation about monogamy that focused on anything other than the sexual aspect of relationships? I’m guessing that for most of you, the answer to that question is no.
dahGRAMS
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