Hailing from the San Francisco Bay Area, veteran media professional and author of "Your Straight Male Friend..Every Woman Should Have One", Marcus has honed his talent and keen ability to convey to women the inner workings of the male mind via regular forays into the "friend zone." He launched a crusade to bridge the Mars/Venus communication gap as Your Straight Male Friend, which makes him our GalTime guy!
All of our lives we’re advised against allowing ourselves to fall in love too fast. They (whoever “they” are) tell us that love should happen deliberately, gradually, over a moderate amount of time to have truly legitimate long-term potential. That certainly seems like sound advice. A cautious approach to new love is never in any way inappropriate. Better safe than sorry.
The problem is that even though this sounds like the right thing to do – feels like the right thing to do – is that there’s very little control over our emotions. Yet there are those who truly believe we have some kind of real power and jurisdiction over our feelings. Whenever I’ve heard someone proclaim that they wouldn’t “let themselves fall in love” with someone, I could only laugh.
Certainly, as human beings we have the ability to make choices. As people we can acknowledge feeling a certain way without acting upon whatever powerful emotions may be brewing.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy. The experience of falling in love with someone is extraordinarily powerful – almost impossible to resist. And we have no ability to just turn that off. If we could do that, there wouldn’t be nearly so many shallow husks of decayed relationships strewn across the ages. But this notion that we can fall in love too quicky – that we somehow will fall in love too soon if we don’t exercise some sort of discretionary power over that emotion, I theorize, is a complete fallacy.
If you’re one of the millions of women who are single, dating regularly, and yet you’ve had inconsistent luck in the match game, it may be time to do some introspection. I can’t begin to tell you how often I hear complaints about scarcity of quality guys. I hear it in the dating echo chamber with alarming regularity; “Men don’t want to commit!”
Okay, let me clear that last bit up. The idea that guys won’t commit or don’t want to commit is an unabashed fallacy. I’ve said this before, it’s not that the guy won’t commit – he just won’t commit to you. The right guy for you will find you. That’s a guarantee.
Now about this so-called, “quality guys” drought…complete bunk. Seriously, most of the guys I know who are looking for serious relationships bristle at that statement. Because they know a certain general truth that women don’t seem to appreciate; the quality guys are there but you’re either ignoring them or not giving them the opportunity to show you how great they are. But why does this chasm exist? There are obviously variables aplenty that cause these missed connections. But I would submit that the idea of “dealbreakers” is a major culprit.
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