Jess is the co-creator of Dating & Hookup, alongside her childhood best friend Becky Lynch, and is the author of the book - yep! - Dating & Hookup. She never tires of hearing your post-dating stories. She wants you to enjoy your love life, and is full of advice on how to do so.
Question: How should I handle being single on Valentine’s Day? You know, without feeling lonely or desperate, or convincing myself that I’m destined to become a bitter, self-loathing spinster?
Answer: Read my advice in a new article – 5 Tips for Being Happily Single on Valentine’s Day – that went up today as an Editor’s Pick on Yahoo! Shine and on Tips on Life & Love. No bullshit here, I promise! Just some solid, honest recommendations – some of which came from the trial and error of yours truly…
And then join the conversation on Twitter – #MySingleVDayPlans – and let us know what your plans for the non-big day are!
The Super Bowl! Both a great American pastime, and a perfect excuse for a group-non-date (who hasn’t met a cute guy at a Super Bowl party?). We here at WTF?! are based in New York, and so of course we were thrilled to see the Giants pull out a nail-biting win over the Patriots last night.
But the trophy wasn’t the only thing we had on our minds.
Okay, who am I kidding. I was apparently the only WTF?! girl actually watching the game. Therefore, I will simply speak for myself when I say that as the points climbed higher and the men piled up, I started thinking about…my dah. And how awesome it would be if they were all in it.
And so, as WTF?!’s resident sports fan, I present to you my Fantasy Football dah: Super Bowl XLVI Edition.
Now, the Super Bowl itself is as much about the music, coaches, celebrities, commercials and onion dip as it is about the sport of football. So they are all fair game for the fantasy dah as well! Madonna, Belichick, M&M’s…where do they fall in Dating & Hookup? Does Brady get a spot even though his team lost? Are any of these guys actually hot without their sexy uniforms on?
Read on and see…(and for all you non-football fans out there, I’ve included plenty of video so that you can follow along, too):
The Boyfriend Prospect: Eli Manning
Let’s start it off with the man of the hour – Mr. MVP himself! Two Super Bowl championships. Two Most Valuable Player awards. Clearly excels under pressure and can take control when the sh*t hits the fan. And on top of all that, he’s got an “Aw, shucks!” demeanor that would make any mother love him.
He’s too nice, you say? Too bland? Don’t be fooled, ladies. Nice boys can’t dominate a football field like that. In this year’s fantasy dah, it’s Eli Manning for the win.
The Ego Booster: Kelly Clarkson
She sounded really good singing the national anthem! She looked reasonably pretty! She even got all the words right (::coughXtinacough::) and brought along a children’s choir to up her lovability factor!
She was totally lovely and great. And then ten minutes later, everyone had pretty much forgotten all about her. Just like a typical Ego Booster, Kelly was serviceable, dependable – and then she ultimately left us yearning for the one who really moves us.
The Unavailable Guy: Tom Brady
Okay, I get it. He’s sort of seeing someone. Doesn’t mean we can’t look, right?
The Hot Sex Prospect: Mario Manningham
Hands down, hottest catch of the game. By far. Instant turn-on. I don’t think anyone on the Giants has made such a sexy play since David Tyree killed that helmet catch.
**fanning myself over here**
The Accessory: Victor Cruz
Who would make a better +1 to your family wedding than uber-popular star wide receiver Victor Cruz? Everybody loves him!
He’s got the best-selling football jersey in the country – and did I mention that he salsa dances after every touchdown? He’s definitely the guy you want spinning you around that dance floor and making your grandmother swoon in the process.
The Prospect You’re Not Sure Is A Prospect: Bill Belichick
Can anybody read this guy? Is he happy? Sad? Defeated? Angry? Hungry? It’s usually impossible to tell.
The New York Times recently described the Patriots coach in ways that remind me of every Prospect You’re Not Sure Is A Prospect that I’ve ever had:
“The public personality that Bill Belichick presents is a shield of his own making. That grim coach in the hoodie, that somber football genius, that unrevealing news conference speaker — all of it is what he wants outsiders to see. Those who know him are aware of a man with a depth of emotion and a sense of humor, but he has kept those in reserve as if revealing them would cause him to lose his soul.”
Maybe he’ll open up a little more next year…
The Ex-Boyfriend Who’s Still Around: Madonna
She’s mostly old news, but just when you’ve almost forgotten about her…like many Exes, Madonna made quite the effort to demonstrate that she’s totally down with becoming friends with all your new friends, because she can totally hang (I’m looking at you, Nicki, M.I.A., and Cee Lo). She even tries to impress you by showing off her new moves and shufflin’ with LMFAO on the dance floor.
Her efforts are a little bit creaky, and part of you just wants everyone to freakin’ move on already, but you can’t help but smile nostalgically when you hear the opening notes of “Open Your Heart” and remember all the good ol’ times. Of course, then she throws a weird tightrope walker into the mix, and you remember why you distanced yourself in the first place.
The Super Horny Guy Who Happens to Be Around a Lot: M&M’s “It’s that Kind of Party” Super Bowl Commercial
This speaks for itself. Needless to say, I LOVE IT. I would totally get drunk with this M&M.
The Career Booster: Tom Coughlin
The man is a miracle worker! The Giants were barely supposed to qualify for the playoffs, and now, well, look at them. As the oldest active coach in the NFL, Coughlin has been around the block a few times and certainly knows his stuff. Not only that, but he seems like he might be a nice enough guy to pass some of that wisdom down from time to time.
Couglin, teach me something! Anything! I’m a fast learner!
The Guy Who Just Blew You Off: Tim Tebow
Remember him? Yeah, neither do I. SO. OVER. IT.
And there you have it! 2012′s Fantasy Football dah: Super Bowl XLVI Edition. Who are you hoping to see in Dating & Hookup next year? My vote is Mark Sanchez. Because, well, duh.
I recently moved to a new city and have been re-building my dah here. So far, so good!
Until last night, when one of the guys in my new dah kissed me. I had been thinking of him as an Ego Booster, and I didn’t really want to kiss him back. But in this weird way, I felt a responsibility to kiss him – like to not return the kiss and give a “let’s just be friends” speech would have been too much of a rejection, and would have made everything seem like too big of a deal. It was just a kiss, right? Not a marriage proposal!
So, we kissed – and then today, he sent me an email apologizing for any “awkwardness” (and for his garlic breath) and inviting me to a concert. Now that we’ve kissed, I know that this would clearly be a date.
How can I keep him as my Ego Booster for now, and transition out of this situation? I’m just not seeing him as a Boyfriend Prospect at the moment – but I also feel like I’m still beginning to get my bearings in this new city, so, who knows, further down the line…? He’s a cool guy, and I’d like to keep him in my dah, if possible.
New Girl with New dah Problems
I’ve been hanging out with this guy – a mutual friend introduced us because we work in the same industry and I was looking to switch jobs, so she thought that he might be able to help me out. We immediately hit it off, and after a few coffees and happy hours, we started making out on a regular basis. He’s really great and has never seemed like a game player. I have high hopes for where this could go.
BUT, something weird is happening. We hung out four times last week, which is way more often than before. And then for three days, he didn’t respond to any of my emails or texts! Nothing! He finally replied to one of my emails a few minutes ago with a short, cute joke, but he didn’t ask me to hang out…
How should I respond? Can I be the one to suggest that we hang out? You know, female empowerment and all that? He’s being strange, but I have trouble believing that he’s suddenly blowing me off or isn’t into me anymore. We were having so much fun!
Trying Really Hard Not To Be That Stalker Girl
I shared a cigarette with a guy at work yesterday, and now I feel really guilty about it. I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and I love my boyfriend. Am I an asshole?
Why didn’t I see this coming? The other guy was obviously trying to get close to me…I feel stupid, like I should have known better than to share the cigarette. I’ve been beating myself up over it.
What do you think? Should I forgive myself? Or is there something wrong with me? Am I loose? I kinda feel like a slut.
No Foam Latte (With A Smoke On The Side)
“Yes, you are independent and you don’t need anyone to take out the trash for you or hang your pictures or run to the Home Depot and pick up the supplies you need to fix your sink. But I lie to you not: if you put your finger in your mouth and act like you haven’t a clue what to do or the strength to do it, your man will step right in and handle that for you – with a smile if you add a hearty, “Baby, thank you so much for doing this for me – I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
… at some point, you’re either going to have to accept that you’re going to be the big ol’ strong, lonely woman, or you’re going to have to back down and just be a lady. Women play roles all the time – why is it when it comes to this, you’re so unwilling to play the role, even when you know it’s going to give you want you want and need?” – Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, 2009 (yep, 2009)
WTF is up with traditional gender roles these days?!
I first asked myself this question in 7th grade.
I was sitting in Mrs. Matcovsky’s French class (for the record, languages are always better when taught with a Brooklyn accent). Glaring in annoyance through huge wireframes and frizzy bangs at my latest test grade, I was mentally beating myself up. How could I have forgotten the past participle of “to swim”??? Would I ever amount to anything in life?
I glanced across the aisle at my BFF Becky, who I knew would never make such an amateur mistake. She was a perfectionist – and a natural in French, at that. And then my world came crashing down.
“Oh no!” Becky purred demurely, turning around with big, confused eyes to the cute hockey player with a mushroom cut who sat behind her. “I got a 78!”
“That sucks,” cute hockey player replied. Then came the cocky smile. “Want some help next time? I got an 82! I’m pretty good at this stuff.”
What the…?!?!?!?!?!?!?! No way.
Becky’s test was just sitting there, face-up on her desk, so I leaned over to get a better look. And as I’d immediately expected…she had not, in fact, gotten a 78. There, in big red marker, was her real grade. A 98. Of course, the hockey player was too lost in his bravado to even bother looking over her shoulder for proof. But in the meantime, oh man, did he seem into her!
And he was. They spent the next year kissing in corners and writing notes in class (it was middle school, people!). Becky had lied, making herself seem dumber than she actually was. She’d allowed a jock who, let’s be honest, was not the sharpest crayon in the box, to think that he was smarter than her. She’d made him feel manly and confident and powerful – but only by lessening herself and her abilities at the same time.
Was this the way to catch a guy?!
I wasn’t sure. But I was sure that I was horrified by Becky’s trick, and by the fact that it had worked. What did it mean?! Were we girls supposed to hide our smarts and our talents and our successes if we wanted a cute guy to like us?
Oh man, is it Heartbreak Week here at WTF?! or what?
First, The Bachelorette sobbed on the beach. Then everyone cried over yesterday’s guest blog. And now one of our readers is finding it impossible to get over her ex. Sometimes amidst the fun of the post-dating world, it can be easy to forget that pain is a necessary part of the romantic experience.
To paraphrase what I know of The Bible (and let’s be real, that’s not much), there’s a time for everything – for love and excitement and giddiness and passion, and for hurt and longing and frustration and reflection. Sometimes you have control over the timing, and sometimes you don’t. And that inescapable truth brings us to today’s Ask Jess column: How Do I Get Over Him?
Be forewarned: there’s some tough love being shared in this column. But I know you can take it.
I’m lucky: my father is awesome. Yes, he has his flaws, as all people do. But if I stop acting like a too-cool-for-school teenager and pretending to roll my eyes at his embarrassing antics for a moment, I can admit that his flaws are really, truly nothing to write home about. He’s simply a great guy.
As an only child, I’ve spent more time with my father than with any other man on the planet. So it’s inevitable that I should look to him, and to our relationship, for guidance on men, relationships and love. What have I learned from his example? How will those lessons affect my romantic relationships and the men I choose throughout the rest of my life? And what better time to think about all this than on Father’s Day?
In case your father isn’t quite as cool as mine, here are some pearls of wisdom that I’ve gleamed over the years…
(cue the violins!)
Follow me on Twitter @jessmassa to read my daily Post-Dating Tips in real time!
As the WTF?! tour closed out this week (!), I dissected the welcoming social scene in Minneapolis, drove for a million hours towards Indianapolis, and finally made it home to NYC in time to d.a.n.c.e. at Becky’s birthday party. Find hints of the latest WTF?! adventures in this week’s tips…
After a months-long flirtation, I had a great first date (yes, date!) with a guy who I know through mutual friends. He picked me up for dinner, we talked all night, and then we made out at my place. But after that, I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks.
Finally, I texted him on a Thursday night to see if he wanted to get a drink. He was out of town for his brother’s graduation but said that he would love to take me to a baseball game on Monday instead.
Monday at 4pm, I still hadn’t heard from him. I texted him, “What’s up?” and he wrote back immediately to say that he was stuck in traffic. Then, instead of mentioning that he would have to cancel our plans, he asked how my weekend was. WTF?! So I asked if he wanted a raincheck for the game, and he said definitely, apologized for not calling me sooner, and asked what I had on tap for Wednesday.
Here’s my question – if he calls to confirm for Wednesday, should I go? Or should I give him a dose of his own medicine and blow him off? Or should I write him off completely and move on? In my dah, he’s my Boyfriend Prospect. Not only is he attractive, but I think we might also be compatible in other ways…
Hard To Get In Hotlanta
The perfect Accessory in your dah usually knows just what to say and how to act to make everyone love him. That’s what makes him your go-to +1 for weddings, dinner parties and Saturday morning trips to the Farmers’ Market. But how good is he at giving honest, straight, hard hitting advice?
Well, we don’t know about your Accessory – but Jess’s Accessory is always willing to weigh in on post-dating issues and has a knack for keeping it short and simple. So of course, we had to send him YOUR questions about decoding ambiguous Friend-Non-Dates, timing the speed of your text messages, and getting to be a fly on the wall during Guy Time.
To submit your questions for next week’s column, email us at [email protected] with “Ask A dah Guy” in the subject line!
“Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.” – John Steinbeck
So we’ve established that, from time to time, guys can act like assholes. But are they assholes at heart? And if they’re not, then what might lead them to sometimes behave in such deplorable ways?
Hold on a sec while I grab my sociological case study hat and turn to my WTF?! tour interviews. Okay, here we go.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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