Jess is the co-creator of Dating & Hookup, alongside her childhood best friend Becky Lynch, and is the author of the book - yep! - Dating & Hookup. She never tires of hearing your post-dating stories. She wants you to enjoy your love life, and is full of advice on how to do so.
I shared a cigarette with a guy at work yesterday, and now I feel really guilty about it. I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and I love my boyfriend. Am I an asshole?
Why didn’t I see this coming? The other guy was obviously trying to get close to me…I feel stupid, like I should have known better than to share the cigarette. I’ve been beating myself up over it.
What do you think? Should I forgive myself? Or is there something wrong with me? Am I loose? I kinda feel like a slut.
No Foam Latte (With A Smoke On The Side)
My question comes from the very early stages of potential romance. This has come up a few times when I’ve been hanging out with girls in the non-dating stage, but when there may be some interest…
Why would a girl tell me about other guys who ended up having some unrequited feelings for her? Why bring up guys whose advances she shut down, or who kept fruitlessly pursuing her? Or laid it on the line in some way, past the point when she thinks her lack of interest should’ve been clear to them?
What does it mean? Am I reading too much into it? Do women just think this makes a good story? Or, is it a warning against making an awkward move? Or could it be some kind of invitation, a subtle reminder that she’s single (but with high standards!)?
I’ve usually responded by thinking to myself, “Well, I don’t want to be a story for you with the next dude you hang out with, so…” And then I try to move on. But would love the female perspective.
I’m Cooler Than Those Other Guys, Right??
Welcome back to our sorta-bi-weekly-seasonal-annual-whenever-I’m-in-the-mood Bachelorette recaps! And boy, oh boy, what a tumultuous few weeks it’s been. Remember in my last recap, when I said that “the beauty of Dating & Hookup” is that “the guys, and the roles they play, are constantly rotating and evolving, based on your interactions with them?” (when did I start quoting myself? am I getting too big for my britches?) Well, Ali’s dah is practically unrecognizable these days! And sadly, I mean that in a bad way.
In the last recap, I also made the mistake of commending Ali on her dah-management skills and reminding her, “If you’re really, truly looking for love, then it’s probably best that you continue avoiding Ex-Boyfriends, Super Horny Guys, Unavailable Guys and Career Boosters.” Well…apparently she’s not reading this blog. Crap.
When I woke up this morning, I was looking forward to blogging about any one of the many happy, light, optimistic topics that we chat about on this site. Maybe a new Bachelorette recap! Or how about some crazy new romance app? It’s about time that I make fun of Becky about something…
But instead, I woke up to countless emails and news reports about Chris Brown bawling at last night’s BET Awards. He danced, he cried, he made a pathetic (but seemingly effective) attempt to resurrect his career. And yet again, I feel compelled to take time out of my – and your – busy schedule to address the insane level of bullshit surrounding this story.
In case you missed it (even though I know you didn’t, because you became my fan and signed up to receive email alerts whenever I put up a new article, right? you’re not playing hard to get…right?), the latest Huffington Post piece went up yesterday:
Forget Dating: The Guys You’ll Meet on the New Path to Love
Yep, you guessed it. We’re talking about the guys in your dah!
Hoping to catch up on all things dah? You’ve come to the right place.
Star Magazine is reporting that Al Gore cheated on his soon-to-be-ex-wife Tipper with Laurie David – the ex-wife of Seinfeld creator Larry David and the co-producer of Gore’s Oscar-winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth. And while the pages of Star and its ilk might typically be filled with unreliable sources and sensationalist headlines, these crappy tabloids have recently had a pretty impressive track record of outing cheating public figures (remember the Pulitzer Prize nomination that The National Enquirer received for their coverage of John Edwards’s affair?). So I, and plenty of other news outlets, are inclined to believe this one.
I’m tired of ranting about lies, infidelity and the dangers of Tiger Text. We’re in the middle of a cheating epidemic and it’s pathetic. There’s not much more to be said. So, the only real comment I have on this story is…
Once upon a time, I promised to blog about the latest season of The Bachelorette on a weekly basis. I was truly committed to doing this, especially after getting so much feedback and discovering that I am not the only one who is (not-so-)secretly following The Extensioned One’s search for love.
But then, other things came up. Becky and I went to the Sex and the City 2 premiere and rambled on the radio. There were love poems to analyze and Hot Sex Prospects to hook up with. And…what else…I also had to eat and sleep and wash my hair…
Okay, fine, you got me. Truth be told, a small but significant part of me dies every time I sit down to write intelligent, thoughtful things about a show where guys look earnestly into a camera and say things like “She means the world to me” and “I’m going to prove that I love Ali!” after only knowing the girl for a few days.
But a deal is a deal! And let’s face it – I’m going to keep watching. If I don’t blog about it, then I’ll have to admit that I’m watching it solely for my own enjoyment, and not for some greater societal purpose. And that can’t happen.
So just in time for tonight’s new episode…
Check out these numbers from a recent study released by the Pew Research Center (and reported by The New York Times):
“…intermarriage among Asian, black, Hispanic and white people now accounts for a record 1 in 6 new marriages in the United States.”
“…black-white unions make up 1 in 60 new marriages today, compared with fewer than 1 in 1,000 back when Barack Obama’s parents wed a half-century ago.”
“…among newly married couples, 14.6 percent were mixed in 2008, compared with 11.2 percent in 2000 and 8.3 percent in 1990.”
“Of all 3.8 million adults who married in 2008, 31 percent of Asians, 26 percent of Hispanic people, 16 percent of blacks and 9 percent of whites married a person whose race or ethnicity was different from their own. Those were all record highs.”
Those are some awesome stats. Long story short, love is crossing racial boundaries more and more often. And within our generation’s constant reexamination of marriage and commitment, it looks like we’re reimagining the role that race should play – or should not play – in our relationships. Nice.
Those of you who have met me and Becky know that she is the organized one. In 8th grade, Becky had all her pens, pencils and highlighters color-coded in a stylish little pencil box (probably the sexiest one that Big Top sold). I, on the other hand, was always digging around in my overflowing backpack, hands covered in uncapped chapstick and leaky Snapple bottles, for a writing utensil. And then I’d inevitably turn around in my chair and ask Becky if I could borrow one from her. I like to think this is a representation of our entire friendship and business partnership.
Luckily, I’ve learned to combat my disorganization with lists. They’re usually written on pieces of scrap paper that I lose within the hour, but still, they help. And as you may have noticed, I find them useful even in my love life! Lists of Non-Dates, list of dah guys, lists of guys who AREN’T dah guys…you get the point. All of them enable me to place a bit of structure and perspective on my weird little post-dating love life.
At first glance, no television show seems to understand and embrace the post-dating world LESS than The Bachelor and its sister show The Bachelorette, which began its sixth season with new Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky on Monday.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter