Jess & Becky co-created Dating & Hookup and co-founded J&R Creative Media. They have been best friends since they were 12.
How do you know when it’s official…?! When they make a movie about it!
New Line Cinema just hired screenwriters Emily Cook & Kathy Greenberg to write a movie based on Dating & Hookup. Yes – Dating & Hookup as we’ve been dishing about it on WTF?! YOUR dah of guys (or girls) in this crazy, ambiguous, technology-laden post-dating world.
Cook & Greenberg’s previous credits include: Ratatouille and Gnomeo & Juliet (coming soon!). Greenberg created The L Word. They are fabulous writers and also incredibly insightful and hilarious when it comes to Dating & Hookup. We’re pre-ordering our popcorn…
Read all about it in Variety – HERE!
And a big, special, WTF?! shout out + thank you to the team at New Line! We are thrilled that our movie is in development at the studio that is bringing you The Rite (#1 at the Box Office right now!), Hall Pass (coming soon!), and has brought us Sex and the City, The Lord of the Rings, Wedding Crashers, He’s Just Not That Into You, and (umhaveweevermentioned?) THE NOTEBOOK.
From the streets of New York City to the mountains of Colorado and the churches (and gay clubs) of Utah, we bring you this week’s WTF-worthy news...
*Having trouble living up to yet another list of self-deprecating New Years resolutions? Not feeling overly inspired to monitor your carb intake or hit the treadmill before 6am, as self-promised? Yeah, us too. So in 2011, lets stop focusing on what we’ve been doing wrong, but start focusing on what we’ve been doing right. 2011, meet the non-goal! How Millennial of us. (Design Love Fest)
*Monogamy is not dead – as long as network TV can help it, anyway. Fox has rejected a Super Bowl ad from Ashley Madison, the infamous extramarital dating site bearing the slogan, “Life is short, have an affair!” Fox and the good people of the Chicago EL, fighting infidelity one baby step at a time. We’ll drink to that. (The Huffington Post)
*Oversharing / undersharing paradox, we meet again! Is our ever-growing obsession with technology and social media affecting the way that we talk to each other in person? Hate to say we told you so! (Ok, no we don’t) (The Guardian)
*How often do you find yourself hitting that backspace key when Gchatting with a dah guy? Maybe you have every good reason to obsess over those ambiguous typos in text messages. Could this be what’s really going on? (YouTube)
*There’s no three-date rule in techno-romance! Sexting is the new foreplay, according to a recent Men’s Fitness poll. They found that “nearly 40 percent of women say that social-networking media, such as text-messaging and Facebook, are causing them to jump into the sack faster with partners than they would have in the past.” Gentlemen, go charge that iPhone stat. (Gawker)
*Still wondering what those privacy screen covers are for? Despite the porn-ban on iOS, the immortal Heff is launching an uncensored, web-based playboy app. Our question: what’s the big deal? We already know that iPads are for porn. (Mashable)
*Childhood development just took a turn for the futuristic, with a recent study showing that “tech skills are outpacing life skills” in children these days. Texting before shoe tying? The generation gap just grew like three miles. (All Things Digital)
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Let’s be honest: New Year’s resolutions are such a mindf**k. Whether you’re trying to save the world one non-date at a time like Jess, or scheming to replenish your dah with as many cute snowboarders as possible like Becky, resolutions are inevitably a big freaking downer.
You know how it goes. Instead of celebrating all the awesomeness that has filled your life in the past year, you’re supposed to sit back and do a mental inventory of everything that wasn’t perfect. Then you turn those frustrations into “resolutions,” which make you feel ambitious and motivated for about six days. And finally, real life (and real habits) get in the way, and you end up breaking those resolutions – all the while feeling guilty and disappointed and comforting yourself with the thought, “There’s always next year…”
Ever since we decided to make our (love) lives public with WTF?!, we have committed ourselves to practicing what we preach. So needless to say, we had decided to forego New Year’s resolutions for 2011.
But when Weight Watchers approached us with the idea to share our New Year’s resolutions (and earn a free three-month subscription to Weight Watchers in the meantime, with some perks for our readers as well **see the bottom of this post!**), we saw an opportunity. As best friends, business partners and sometimes-roommates, we know and understand each other better than anyone else does.
So we thought…what if we created New Year’s resolutions for each other?!
Everyone knows that it’s easier to give advice to others than to yourself. So maybe it’d be easier to provide each other with realistic, inspiring New Year’s resolutions as well?
Here’s what we came up with. Will we be able to stick with these resolutions? We certainly hope so. And if not, well, there’s always 2012…!
The post-dating world never sleeps! Here’s your weekly dose of ambiguity, confusion and perplexing excitement via the latest WTF?!-worthy news…
*Tired of getting hit up for casual sex on OkCupid? Grossed out after being set up with your boss on eHarmony? Trying desperately to separate yourself from the J-Date profile that your Mom set up for you? Here’s your solution. Online dating will never be the same. (Sea Captain Date)
*”We’re exclusive.” “We’re not sleeping with other people.” “We’re committed to only each other.” You would think that these statements are pretty clear-cut, right? Not anymore! “…in 40 percent of couples, only one partner says the couple agreed to be sexually exclusive. The other partner said there was no agreement…Miscommunication and misunderstandings about sexual exclusivity appear to be common.” We know that labels and traditions here in the post-dating world are dying breeds, but do we really need to come up with another word for “monogamous,” too?! (Science Blog)
*15-minute female orgasms? Yes, please! Tim Ferriss – author of the mega-bestsellingThe 4-Hour Workweek - finally got our attention with this one. (TechCrunch)
*First Tony Parker, now Justin Timberlake. Does texting another woman count as cheating? No, not even sexting. Plain and simple, “just wanted to say hi, and maybe my relationship sucks” texting. We’ll have more on this in next Tuesday’s guest blog! But in the meantime, if these rumors about Justin and Olivia Munn are true, then we’d bet that he’s been sleeping on the couch lately. Looks like someone should invest in some Tiger Text stat. (The Huffington Post)
*We’re going to pretend that putting the Teen Mom girls on the cover of US Weekly has nothing to do with this. Hey, we never said that the post-dating world always moves in the right direction…ugh. (KLTV.com)
*At the other end of the spectrum, we have teens who are “indifferent or averse” towards sex! Young Japanese men, to be exact (and even more young Japanese women – but for some reason, this article seems less surprised by that). Indifference and aversion don’t sound totally healthy either, right? Is there a middle ground between America’s teen pregnancy epidemic and Japan’s apparent lack of hormones? Some ideas have been thrown around, but let’s be honest; neither culture is known for its love of moderation… (The Wall Street Journal)
*In case getting engaged and planning a wedding wasn’t all-consuming enough – now you can obsess over wedding details from a WeddingWire app on your Android! Just kidding, you know that we support marriage, in all its forms. And whatever, if you’re going to be a Bridezilla, then you might as well be one who’s not attached to her laptop. (Yahoo! Finance)
*So much sex this week…are you ready for more doomsday news about being an educated, successful woman? Not only will your skin explode and your house burn down, but according to a new study – surprise, surprise – your odds of finding a committed guy remain less-than-awesome. Here Reason #5389: other women are too easy! “The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady.” Also, it’s porn’s fault. So start picking out cat names now. You’ll need at least five. (CNN)
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So much for the snowpocalypse! Get through the rest of your non-snow day by checking out the latest WTF?!-worthy news…
*How do religion, God and faith play into the post-dating world? What if our communities aren’t always ready to accept our tradition-breaking ways? In this moving personal essay, a committed Mormon woman refuses to settle, give up her independence or sacrifice her values for a man. In turn, she remains a virgin until the age of 36 – and subsequently struggles with her purpose in the world and her identity as a woman. Definitely brings up some interesting questions for our upcoming WTF?! tour stop in Utah! (The New York Times)
*And on the entirely opposite end of the spectrum – Skype sex! Have you had it? Maybe when your boyfriend was studying abroad? Or when your girlfriend went on that extended business trip and your porn library just wasn’t cutting it? Well, you’re not the only one – Baldwin brother #528 (aka Billy) has Skype sex with his wife, too! And he’s not embarrassed to admit it. Techno-romance of the rich and famous. (Popeater)
*What is love? (baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more) Smart and sassy book bloggers Girls in the Stacks have taken on this timeless question in a video tribute to Lauren Oliver’s new book Delirium. We may not agree with all their beliefs, but who can argue with the statement that, “Love is great?” Now, what would our answers be…? (YouTube/Girls in the Stacks)
*Ladies, listen up – we have a new idol! Lynn Tilton has become “one of the richest self-made women in America” through her work in private equity. More importantly? She sounds freaking awesome. Want a taste of her charms? “Her office uniform usually includes five-inch stilettos, an eight-carat diamond necklace and the occasional black leather jumpsuit. Her office walls are filled with whips and handcuffs sent to her by friends, Hashemite daggers given to her by Middle Eastern royals, New Age paintings and a portrait of her stretched across the hood of a black Mercedes. Ms. Tilton makes no apologies for her unconventional look.” And there’s more! “”I am all woman,” she says. “Sometimes it makes men uncomfortable, sure. But in business and in life, I have to remain faithful to my inner truth. In the end, I’d hope people judge me on my accomplishments and intelligence.”" All bow down at the throne of Tilton! (The Wall Street Journal)
*Ashton Kutcher is at it again. This guy really has quite a few opinions about modern romance, doesn’t he? In his latest act of social service, he somehow connects his new movie No Strings Attached to the horrors of human trafficking and concludes that young men and women should be taught about the female orgasm in their schools’ sex education programs. Wait, sorry, did it sound like we were hating on him there for a minute? This sounds fantastic to us. Go, Kutcher, Go. (The Stir)
*AOL and Endemol are teaming up to produce a bunch of women-focused web programming. Cool! Except…why does the programming (so far) center solely around cooking (Mamá’s Recipe) and “hairstyles, fashion and accessories” (Re-Dressed By America)? Sigh. Baby steps, folks. Baby steps. (The Wrap)
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We’re just overflowing with links today! Come on, you know the first week back at the office is slow anyway. So here’s some ample reading material that we’ve deemed WTF?!-worthy…
*A man who thinks that we all need to revise our understanding of manliness – men included? Amazing! “MY liberation as a man is tied to YOUR liberation as a woman.” Guys, check out this video – it’ll be your first step towards stepping outside of “the man box.” (TED)
*Speaking of TED Talks (can you tell we’re a little obsessed?) – women are taking over the world! Duh. But here’s the data to prove it. How is this affecting gender dynamics? And our culture at large? And is it really necessary to make fun of the awesome Old Spice guy? (TEDWomen)
*dah Alert! Yes, that’s what we say to each other whenever a new guy pops into our dah. Remember: a new dah guy can show up at any time. You just have to be open to recognizing him. Want evidence of how it’s done? Head over to blogger Berryfine’s site and read about her new Career Booster. And don’t miss her initial dah Inventory HERE! (Little Black Book)
*Oh, great – a Jersey Shore cast member feels the same way about dating as we do. Now we know we’re on to something. “People consider me a man-eater,” says new Shore-er Deena Nicole. “I don’t really like dating, though. Dates can be so awkward!” Better to gulp down some Ron-Ron Juice and hit the dancefloor, obviously. (The Huffington Post)
*The post-dating world is all about creating your own rules and doing what’s right for you (and your partner/significant other/lover/friend/dah member). That includes in the bedroom, of course. So sometimes, we’ve all got to ask ourselves…do we prefer sex with clothes on or off? (The Gloss)
*What makes a marriage last these days? No, better yet – what makes it enjoyable and meaningful? Hint: the answer is not kids, communication, similar interests or vacations in Cabo (although they surely can’t hurt, right?). You (we) Millennials out there are going to love this latest study. (The New York Times)
*Interesting tidbit; during their WTF?! tour interviews, guys often tell Jess little details about what their future as-yet-unknown wives are going to be like (“She’s going to love Indian food,” “She’s not going to mind walking in the rain,” She’s going to fall asleep doing crossword puzzles,” etc.). And now there’s a Tumblr blog doing it in writing! The site has already become popular enough to spawn a snarky faux-response blog, but the writer swears that he’s not just trying to get laid. Do we believe him…? (The Village Voice; To My Wife)
*It’s a New Year! And with that comes a frenzy of resolution-fueled memberships to gyms, volunteer organizations and…online dating sites. Perfect timing for a refresher course in the industry, Economist-style. (The Economist)
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Who doesn’t love a good “Best Of” list? That’s pretty much why VH1 is still in business, right?
It’s been one crazy ass year over here at WTF?!, and we couldn’t let 2010 die down without shouting out some of our own favorite moments from this site and project. These are the pieces that carried some of our key ideas and beliefs, as well as the ones that sparked the most discussion and resulted in the greatest number of calls, emails, texts, Facebook messages, comments and in-person ambushes telling us how brilliant/crazy/revolutionary/idiotic we are.
These are not necessarily our “Best” posts – WTF does that mean anyway? And they weren’t necessarily the most fun to write (that would be HERE) or the most controversial (that would be HERE) or the most colorful (that would be HERE). But they evoke warm, fuzzy feelings in our hearts. You might say that we’ve got a crush on these posts. They’re simply our favorites. And hopefully some of yours as well.
Starting with our Favorite WTF?! Video, shown above!
For readers who’ve stuck with us through the year of site revisions and cartoon updates and trying to make sense of Becky’s love life, this list will hopefully ring some happy bells. And for you newer folks out there…we recommend that you catch up before 2011! Because we’ve got a whole new slate of WTF?! theories and stories heading your way in the new year.
So, here we go! 2010: A Year in WTF?! Moments
Need to brush up on some Christmas dinner conversation topics? Check out the latest WTF?!-worthy news…
*We have a new role model in the animal kingdom! Female red squirrels are apparently the Queens of Dating & Hookup, with up to 14 mates a day. Now, we don’t usually support having that many Hot Sex Prospects at one time – but let’s give credit where credit is due. You Super Horny Guys out there might want to consider switching species. (Teddy Hilton)
*A hot actress who stars in a TV show about polygamy can’t find someone to make out with. What is the post-dating world coming to?!?! “I’m dating, but I’m starting to feel a little discouraged, actually. I’ve been texting for a year with a couple of guys, without ever going on a date with them. The other day I got a text from a boy, but it wasn’t hot. I mean, if you’re going to text me every day, you haven’t seen me for months and you’re trying to seduce me, you’d better spice up that text and make it more exciting than “How was your day? I hope you’re having a beautiful one.” Sadly, I haven’t been doing a lot of kissing lately.” Sounds like these boys need to lay off the techno-romance and make some IRL manly man moves. (Playboy)
*Remember when we claimed that traditional e-mail felt old school, and that we Millennials prefer instant gratification in our social and romantic lives? And remember when we said that Facebook’s new messaging system is going to be revolutionary because it appeals to our desires for immediacy and convenience? Oh, hey there, New York Times! Glad you could join us. (The New York Times)
*You know how we’re always saying that the new path to love is untraditional and ambiguous and organic? Well, try this path on for size: Shania Twain’s husband has an affair with Shania’s married best friend. Shania divorces him. Shania reaches out to the now-ex-husband of her ex-best-friend for support. They become friends. They fall in love. They get engaged! It’s a modern-day happy ending. Whew, and you thought your love life was complicated. (The Huffington Post)
*And the debate about crazy girls rages on. One thing that’s likely to drive us mad? An ambiguous pseudo-maybe-sorta-break-up that leaves us scratching our heads and checking our old text exchanges for signs of trouble. But what exactly is it that we want instead? (...And That’s Why You’re Single)
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Lots to love and loathe in Links this week!
<3 The New York Times marvels (again) at romance novel sales – this time in e-book form. What’s not to love about this vast, sexy, romantic, inspiring genre beloved of millions of women? Well, maybe the explicitly bodice-ripping covers are a little much… But with e-books, no one has to know what you’re reading on the subway…or what you’re buying at the local bookstore. Score! (The New York Times)
<3 So, what’s NOT going in our Christmas stocking this year? That would be this new book, The Man Whisperer: A Gentle, Results-Oriented Approach to Communication by Donna Sozio & Samantha Brett. Here at WTF?!, we are all about figuring out our evolving gender dynamics, letting men be manly (as needed), fostering honest communication, and wishing there were more role models for successful women in relationships. We’re bewildered and upset by the cheating epidemic. We even pick fights with feminists occasionally!
But really? Are we still spelling out useless dichotomies like the virtuous wife vs. the scheming mistress? Are we really supposed to believe that the answer here is MORE stroking of the male ego? And, really? Men and women shouldn’t even be trying to understand each other because “men’s brains are not wired to receive and compute information intuitively?” This book is The Rules re-hashed. F*ck that. There’s gotta be a better way. (Fox News)
The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds.
It was a small part of the pantomime.
We’re loving this year’s Hollywood Issue of The New York Times Magazine. The Magazine is walking the walk. They’ve produced 14 short films, most around a minute long, of 14 actors acting out a moment. Watch the series here…
Rage. Seduction. Despondency. Intensity. Angst. Anger. Luminosity. Despair. Evocation. Twirling. Frenzy. Satisfaction. Disconsolation. Awe.
But we don’t get it. All these emotions are distilled and explored by these brilliant actors. But are these actors acting? Or, acting like themselves? Or acting like classic actors? All of the above?
*Ashton Kutcher believes in techno-romance! Which should surprise no one, given his penchant for romancing his wife @mrskutcher over Twitter. “Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s ear,” he claims. We can see the romance novels now. “‘Where u at??’ he text-whispered softly into her iPhone…” (Harper’s Bazaar)
*Speaking of Demi Moore’s public transition to the role of @mrskutcher, Katy Perry is apparently changing her last name to that of new hubby Russell Brand. Hm, Katy Brand…not bad, we guess. And well, if the years of endless groupies and sex addiction didn’t make him feel manly enough, now Russell’s got a hot wifely property on his arm to feed that insatiable ego! (The Huffington Post)
*Here’s the deal; according to a recent study, we Americans are starting to believe that marriage is becoming obsolete. But 75% of us still want to do it, and 80% of us think that we’re doing it way better than our parents. The conclusion? Marriage is now a voluntary choice, a kind of luxury – as opposed to a necessity. And thus, we have no intention of simply settling into it. Take that, Lori Gottlieb! (CNN)
*Beware the dangers of hiberdating. There’s no better way to alienate your support network! Though we’ve all had our moments, of course. Jess was a Taylor Swift Hiberdater, while Becky tended towards being a Woody Allen Hiberdater. Which type are you? (The Next Great Generation)
*We’re famous!! Okay, well we’re not, but the amazing bookstore where we did our very first WTF?! blog reading in San Francisco is. Green Apple Books – “the biggest used bookstore in the city” – we salute you! And give a big kiss to your little gnome guy. (The New York Times)
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Now for your rainy day dose of WTF?!-worthy news…
*Taylor Swift has a new celebrity boyfriend to write condemning songs about! First there was Joe, then there was John, and now there’s Jake. Should Jared Leto be getting nervous? Hey, lady – we support whatever you need to do to get over these guys! And if it helps you make millions of dollars in the process? Sounds like empowerment to us. (Us Weekly)
*Americans are apparently falling behind on the techno-romance front – at least when it comes to asking people out on dates via text message. Although really, is 44% really that shabby? And since dating is dead and all that, shouldn’t we be asking if Americans use texts to flirt and non-date and explore ambiguous connections? Because when it comes to that…can a percentage be higher than 100? (The New York Observer)
*You’re kidding, right? We’re still talking about this?! In an article straight out of 2003, The New York Times claims that men are scared of successful, empowered women. Of course, as Salon’s rebuttal notes, they don’t actually interview any guys in order to get their perspectives. And their pop cultural references (Sex and the City and Bridget Jones’s Diary) are years and years and years old. And not one of these people sounds anything like the evolved, nuanced, thoughtful young people that Jess has been interviewing on the WTF?! tour. How many times do we have to say it? We’re already rewriting the rules of gender and romance! We’re figuring out how to make our partners – and ourselves – feel confident and necessary without lessening our innate talents! Okay? Are we done now? (The New York Times; Salon)
*Oh man, The Jetsons would’ve loved this. Soon your phone will be able to tell you if you have an STD! You’ll just have to pee and/or suck on a computer chip first. The romance just never stops with our generation. (Guardian)
*Have no fear – the feds (Federal Trade Commission, to be exact) have got your back when it comes to online dating woes. ”Online Dating Scams” gets its own special Do’s and Don’ts section on this government protection site. Judging by these criteria, we should be able to report at least a few of Becky’s OkCupid weirdos…Mom, what do you think? (OnGuardOnline.gov)
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datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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