photo via chickpokipsie

Becky here, reporting on the mega-non-event that was the Oscars Telecast last night. The whole affair was eminently grandiose, expectation-laden and traditional – and therefore, boring. Jess and I (watching from Nashville and Brooklyn respectively) had multiple text exchanges consisting entirely of “Ewwwewww” “uggghhhh” and “huhhhh?” Still, there were a few standout moments that are WTF?! worthy – either because they brought a drop of millennial magic to the otherwise stolid proceedings of the night…or, because they made us say (er, text) with no irony and with no reference to our love lives, What. The. Fuck.

WTF!

Dante Ferretti (Production Design) and Francesca Lo Sciavo (Set Decoration) won Best Art Direction for their work on HUGO. This husband and wife team has won TWICE BEFORE (for Sweeney Todd and The Aviator) and has been nominated multiple other times. We have so many questions! How do they work together and how does that affect their relationship and vice versa? How long have they been married? Do they have kids? They looked delightful, thrilled and happy together last night and they gave an adorable and gracious acceptance speech (in one of the few moments of truly infectious joy and excitement Francesca dedicated the award to their native country – “EATALY!!!”) This couple’s professional accomplishments (together!) are breathtaking. We’re gonna google stalk them all day.

WTF?

Presenters Tina Fey (looking fabulous! love her!) and Bradley Cooper (huhhhh that mustache?!) made an extended joke about loveless marriage while introducing the nominees for Film Editing. Paraphrased: “You end up locking yourselves away in a dark room looking at pictures of other people…” HAHAHAHAHAH! Or, not. Maybe for Baby Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y all that rings a bell, but as millennial women of a new generation, we’re pretty tired of marriage being depicted as lonely, isolated, sexless drudgery. Enter our young and married WTF?! Columnist: Rasika! Plus, even for old folks, marriage just doesn’t have to be that way (see: Dante and Francesca, above.) Let’s re-write this out-dated, unhelpful, and lame cultural refrain.

WTF!

Your grandparents probably remember Christopher Plummer being nominated for an Emmy for his performance as Hamlet in a BBC miniseries in 1964. I know my mother continued to lust after him as Captain Von Trapp when my siblings and I grew up watching The Sound of Music in the 80′s and 90′s (for the record, that musical won Best Picture in 1965; I’m sure your grandparents remember watching.) Be these fond memories as they may, Christopher Plummer has FINALLY won an Oscar after over five decades of remarkable acting work in pretty much all the theatrical arts. At 82, he is the oldest recipient of a competitive acting Oscar ever.

But BOY is he still dashing and debonair. Suave, handsome and witty (“You’re only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life?”), he could write his ticket to any spot in my dah. We can’t help but feel he has a little something extra over the heartthrobs of our time. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber – take note.

WTF? (SERIOUSLY WTF?)

Your grandparents probably remember Hattie McDaniel winning the Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1939 for her role in Gone with the Wind as Mammy to a young, spoiled white woman who learns better. We did not like THE HELP and cannot endorse the premise – for reasons we can fill another blog post with. For now, we are just calling out that seventy-three years after McDaniel’s accomplishment, the most high profile roles for black women in mainstream Hollywood are eerily close to what the still-segregated 1930s had to offer.

That said! We are thrilled for Octavia Spencer, who looked stunning and whose Best Supporting Actress acceptance speech was another rare moment of true passion, graciousness and beauty during the night. We think Viola Davis got robbed (so does Meryl Streep, for the record: “When they called my name I had this feeling I could hear half of America going, ‘Oh no. Oh, come on. Why her?Again?”), but in any case, Brava to both Octavia and Viola for their performances. And Cheers to Meryl as well, whose ongoing work remains incredible, entertaining and inspiring.

As the wise and ruthless Feminist Frequency points out: according to the Bechdel test, this has NOT been a great year for women in movies, so we are proud to celebrate the remarkable work that has been honored – and we look forward to MORE next year.

WTF!

In our favorite moment of the night, Oscar veteran and Belfast native Terry George (he was previously nominated for his screenplays for Hotel Rwanda and In the Name of the Father), accepted the Oscar for Best Short Film / Live Action alongside his 31-year-old daughter, Oorlagh George, who produced their film – THE SHORE. After dedicating the award to the people of Northern Ireland, Terry gleefully called out his daughter saying, “I’d like to thank the Academy because now I don’t have to wait for her wedding to tell the world how brilliant she is!”

Damn straight you don’t!

***

With that, we will file away the 2012 Oscars in the 1930s or 1990s box (hello, Billy Crystal!) where they unfortunately belong. Even the J-Lo nipple slip, oops, “wardrobe malfunction,” has been done better, and with more pizzazz, in a previous decade.