Heather is a contributing editor at the-dah. She is a Los Angeles based writer, improviser, snacker, social media mistress, and aspiring adult. Read more of her food-stained stories about growing up weird at Terrible-Twenties.com, or follow her digital alter ego @MissHezah on Twitter.
Don’t cry ladies. This was bound to happen at some point. WE ALL KNEW THIS.
Let us instead rejoice in the fact that Dr. Doug Ross, 52, has chosen to take the most badass wife he could have found. A globally recognized womanizer, modelizer, and waitressizer, has decided to settle down with a highly respected human rights lawyer, Amal Alamuddin, 36. The couple has been dating since last October, and Alamuddin’s law firm spilled the beans today with an official statement of congratulations:
“‘The barristers and staff of Doughty Street Chambers offer their best wishes and congratulations to Ms Amal Alamuddin, a member of Chambers, and Mr George Clooney on their engagement to be married,’ the firm said.”
Bravo Clooney, bravo. We’re all very happy for the both of you, and mostly pleased as punch that you didn’t need to make the choice between beauty and brains.
Apparently, they’ve found a way to predict “The Marrying Kind,” according to a study based on…common sense. No joke.
The study, highlighted in The Atlantic, suggests that if you’re good-looking, fun, nice, and not super gross, you’ll have no problem finding someone to tolerate you forever and always. It also indicates that if a person isn’t totally great in one area, they can compensate in another. Groundbreaking.
After reading this not-so-new information, I sought refuge in the comments as I often do. I’m constantly seeking validation for my feelings, and the comments section is a great place to start. I was not alone in my feelings and, not terribly surprising, the commenters had a much more complex and interesting perspective founded in real life experience:
Shopping, chocolate, gossip, self-deprecation. These are all major components to my life. So much so, in fact, that my boyfriend has taken to calling me a Cathy Comic. And, I don’t disagree. That bitch had it going on; SHE HAD HER OWN COMIC STRIP.
But apparently, I’m not just a Cathy. I’m also a Daria, whom I received as the result of my “Which 90’s Babe is Your Style Icon” Buzzfeed quiz. And, again, I don’t disagree. I’m totally a Daria. I even have a Jane, who coincidently ended up with Angela Chase as her 90’s babe.
But, I have to ask, is it possible to be both a Cathy and a Daria? They couldn’t be more different.
I think the answer is a resounding: YEEEEEEES!
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion. Maybe this is because I’m not a fan of posed photography unless it’s silly or satirical. Or, maybe, and most likely, it’s because I am an unromantic humbuggy.
But, I just…I can’t get on board with engagement photos.
The older I get, the more friends I see tie the knot, spending so much money of things like calligraphy, mini cupcakes, “vintage” photo frames, and lights. All those teeny tiny little romantical strings of light. And it’s all mega beautiful, and also beaucoup bucks.
I think everyone should have whatever wedding their little princess heart desires, but the realist in me can’t ignore the exorbitant cost of all the pretty things. Are engagement photos really a necessity? What do you guys think? Do you at least agree with have to do away with the white top and jeans combo at the beach look?
Let’s have a discussion in the comments.
As if your mother hinting at grandchildren all the time wasn’t enough, Facebook has stepped in to pick up the slack. It has an algorithm that can “predict” your perfect marriage age -- You know, based on everyone else you know, because constantly comparing yourself to your peers is something we all NEVER do. Well, at least there’s some fuzzy math behind our late night stalk sessions.
This internet link bait crap has GOT to stop, amirite? Stop using big data powers for evil. Just because the information is available, it doesn’t mean we need to use it, especially if it’s perpetuating unnecessary societal constraints on how people choose (or unfortunately don’t choose) to live their lives.
My perfect marriage age is apparently 29.4, based on a pool of my peers, 60% of which I either haven’t seen in person in ten years, or someone I met once. Cool, man. That means I have precisely 7.8 months to get my ass down the aisle. I just moved in with my boyfriend two months ago, resulting in several emotional breakdowns. I think it’s safe to say this arbitrary timeline based on a group of almost strangers is inaccurate.
Thanks, but no thanks Facebook. Why don’t we all stick to what we know. For me, that’s good sharp cheddar cheese brands.
I’ve been dating for over a decade now and if any of the countless losers, weirdos and, yes one time an actual sideshow freak, have taught me anything, it’s that I am way too trusting. Ask any good friend about my behavior in bars and you’ll be met with a heavy eye roll. While it can sometimes be beneficial to have me as a wingman, it can also be a little trying. The thing is, I talk to everyone.
That guy who stands too close. The really drunk Irish man. The dude whose eyes are definitely not open. The know-it-all nerd who insists on talking about Proust. The sad girl in the corner booth. Somebody’s dad.
Break ups are tough, especially around Valentine’s Day. Ex-stalking is probably reaching an all time high this week, and many are left feeling defeated. But wait! Even if you lost the relationship, you can STILL win the break up. Thank god there’s a new service to help with that….
If you ask me, going out to a bar with your best pals on a weekend night is the one of the greatest gambles to take. Most of the time, it’s a real snoozefest, creep central, or just plain strange. But those glorious nights that lead to a random make out, an after-party at some record producer’s mansion in The Hills, or even just a phone number exchange turned flirtatious late-night text conversation make it worth the effort of trying. Those nights, no matter how few and far between, are what keep us going back out for more, despite how painful and diminishing it can be to your self-esteem.
So if you’re going to roll the dice this weekend at your local dive, pub, club, or any other plastic cup-serving establishment, here are some things to keep in mind to minimize the chance of having a bummer night, and increase the odds of finding yourself flirting with a mega babe.
It’s looming. Friday night. The pressure is on…to be SOCIAL. Ugh, the worst right? I’ve always said Friday nights were just awful. Feeling the weight of the whole week while you try to down two beers at midnight is insufferable, let alone trying to be adorable for strange men who may or may not talk to you.
I saw this video from NYC comedian Akilah and was immediately all like, YES. A hundred times yes.
Is this you too?
A week and a half ago, I packed up my single girl apartment full of everything that represented ME, circa 2010-2013 and headed five miles east to a brand new apartment for my boyfriend and I to share. Having only a few weeks notice, I had to act fast. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you think about it, I had already done this before (THIS being lived with a significant other), and had some experience with the process. Whether you’re a seasoned, serial cohabitator, or you’re considering taking the plunge of a co-lease for the first time, here are some tips I learned in the past few weeks:
The holidays are coming up, and everyone loves a sexy gift under the tree. Dudes make sure you head on over to Victoria’s Secret for their Semi-Annual Sale. It’s happening right now. Oh wait it’s over…There’s another one starting…right…NOW.
What the hell Facebook!! Don’t do this to me the week I started looking at apartments to possibly move into with my boyfriend. I can’t take the pressure!!
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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