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Heather is a contributing editor at the-dah. She is a Los Angeles based writer, improviser, snacker, social media mistress, and aspiring adult. Read more of her food-stained stories about growing up weird at Terrible-Twenties.com, or follow her digital alter ego @MissHezah on Twitter.
I’m currently watching Never Been Kissed (which I own on DVD, but love watching when it comes on TV because it reminds me of simpler times when it was the only way you could catch your favorite movie) and thinking to myself, “They just don’t make them like they used to.”
They just don’t!
The mid to late nineties spawned an unrepeatable generation of teen romantic comedies, predominantly loosely based on timeless stories from literature. What a genius way to make a bunch of butterfly clip wearing, self-obsessed teens learn valuable lessons from great stories. Also, the soundtracks. My god, the soundtracks.
Because I’m feeling old and nostalgic, and channeling my inner teen — who takes up A LOT of room — here’s a list of the best of the best movies that taught us that finding love in high school is like, so totally possible.
If he doesn’t text you back, he’s probably:
- Away from his phone.
- Fell asleep.
- Writing drafts of the perfect text.
- Having a rough time in the bathroom.
- On the phone with his stock broker.
- Making handmade Christmas ornaments for his Etsy store.
- Cleaning out his DVR.
- Crafting a haiku for you.
- Picking out an engagement ring.
- Helping his mom with the yard work.
- Eating a Reuben sandwich.
- Dancing like nobody’s watching.
- Going through some “stuff.”
- Attending high tea.
- Practicing with the NY Giants.
- Winning at online poker.
- Talking to a Cam Girl.
- Eating cheese wiz.
- Folding laundry.
- Gabbing on the phone with a gal pal.
- Living his life imitating art.
- Doing pilates.
- Saving a kitten from a tree.
- DEAD.
Those are the only possible reasons he hasn’t texted you back.
It’s almost Halloween and, with everyone taking the opportunity to wear costumes, it’s easy to get a little confused. Is that your boss, or is it really a 145 pound cat with a receding hairline? Hard to tell, right?
Well, one common concern on a lot of girls’ minds this time of year is whether or not their boyfriend is actually a pumpkin. Did I pick up a cute guy at Trader Joe’s, or was that just an exceptionally flawless gourd on sale? Look, I get it, which is why I have compiled a quick and easy cheat sheet you can discreetly check while watching Hocus Pocus this weekend.
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Is he exceptionally orange without having eaten a Costco-sized bag of carrots?
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Have you met his family? Do its members include a spaghetti squash and a zucchini?
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Is he pretty hellbent on spreading his seed?
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Did he tell you upfront that the relationship probably wouldn’t last much past Thanksgiving?
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Is he low in calories, fat, and sodium and high in fiber and a good source of Vitamin A, Vitamin B, potassium, protein, and iron?
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Does he gravitate toward the spice cabinet?
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Is he really mushy on the inside, but in a way you don’t really like?
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Is he the strong silent type?
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Is there something about him that feels a little hollow?
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Does he keep trying to get you to take his top off?
If you answered “YES” to more than three of these questions…Chances are, you might be trying too hard to make it work with seasonal vegetable.
Your gut says you might be dating a man baby, but how can you really be sure unless you read a bunch of Internet lists to confirm your rising suspicions? This handy guide will help you come to a rational conclusion on whether or not you are dating an adult male, a man child, or quite possibly, a five-year old boy.
I was born to Tindr. Everything about it appeals to every gross part of me. I love engaging with strangers offline, and I love trolling online. Judging people on the fly is totally a skill. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to fulfill my calling because I was also born a serial monogamist.
I once asked my boyfriend if I could join Tindr and his reply was, “Well, what do I get out of it?” I told him he could be on Tindr too. He said that no, if I got to be on Tindr, he should be allowed to sleep with three different girls. Ok, no.
And so, with no Tindr account of my own, I rely on the kindness of others to let me live vicariously through their profiles. Sometimes they let me have a turn and swiping around, sometimes I get date stories, and then occasionally I’ll get screenshots.
Yesterday, I received a series of screenshots from a friend who thought the conversation with Gabriel was going somewhere until it was very clear it wasn’t. And because she’s basically the best friend in the world, she egged this loser on for the sake of all our entertainment. So thank you dear friend, and also, plug in your phone.
- Guys sweat a lot in their sleep.
- Everything is irritating if you’re in a bad mood.
- Everything is adorable if you’re in a good mood.
- Deciding on a movie always takes at least 15-20 minutes.
- One person is always cleaning up after the other.
- You have to stay at parties where you don’t know anyone and small talk.
- You feel compelled to share entrees.
- You no longer stop what you’re doing when your other half walks in on you popping zits.
- YOU POP EACH OTHER’S zits.
- Sometimes you accidentally pick up your partner’s toothbrush, but you don’t realize it until you are already brushing your teeth.
- Your partner is listening to the TV too loud 70% of the time.
- You always notice when your partner’s toe nails are too long because they cut you in bed.
- It’s rare to want to go to sleep at the same time.
- You always owe each other small sums of money.
- Peeing in front of each other phases no one.
- Getting behind the wheel feels like a driving test no matter who’s driving.
- Anything can turn into a fight if you’re feeling like fighting.
- The minute your partner is on their phone and you’re not, you complain that they are always on their phone.
- Both of you are keeping a secret tally of EVERYTHING.
- You get used to seeing hair all over the place.
- There is no sexy underwear.
- You get in the habit of eating the same meals.
- Trying new things becomes either too scary/exciting.
- Showering together is not sexy, it’s just a less efficient way to get something done. Even with two shower heads.
- Two bathrooms is necessary.
- The more comfortable you are in your relationship the more stubborn you become about being right.
- Sometimes you roll over and wonder how this stranger is now a tentpole of your life.
Well, it’s a new day and a new study about subjective topics like moving in with your partner! The Atlantic reported a very long article called, “In Relationships, Be Deliberate.” The title should be a dead giveaway that statistics aside, this is kind of common sense. Of course you should be deliberate in your relationships. I think most people would agree that it’s pretty important to be deliberate in most aspects of your life. Who wants to deal with a wishy-washy person?
But this isolated article just deals with moving in together. It opens by reiterating that even though traditionalists say moving in together before marriage is a bad idea, progressives are making it the norm. But it’s not actually question of whether or not they should move in.
But before couples sign a lease together, they would do well to ask themselves: Did we slide into the decision to move in together or did we decide to cohabit?
That question matters in terms of the length and quality of subsequent marriage. Traditionalists tend to think cohabiting before marriage is a bad idea, and progressives are more likely to embrace it, but new research says that’s not the best way to approach the question: The important thing is how couples make the leap into a shared life.
Does anyone else find this to be the most nuanced, yet obvious study about relationships?
(Rusty Maples at Sofar Sounds LA)
I was at a concert last night — a low key performance in a stranger’s backyard — when my peripheral vision caught a boy in a beanie. My heart stopped for an instant. Was it THAT boy? The one boy who once took up all the space in my brain, but has remained a literal after thought since he told me he couldn’t see me anymore because his girlfriend was on to him.
Scenarios ran through my head like splitting hairs, detailing the different ways our encounter would play out. As the band of cute boys from Vegas played their stripped down set, I imagined what I would say if I took the high road, the low road, or maybe even no road at all. Did I need more lipstick or a new stick of gum? Who would be the bigger person and nonchalantly say hello? Would we just ignore the elephant of our aged affair?
And then, I looked again, and I realized it wasn’t him. I felt a little crestfallen, disappointed that I wouldn’t have the chance to let my cool breezy attitude make him feel remorse for the way he had treated me seven years ago. Because, of course, that’s exactly what would happen; I’m sure of it.
I hadn’t thought about this person, who’d made me feel a little less than when I was twenty-two years old, in so long, but suddenly this phantom sighting erupted dormant resentment.
I kept shooting side glances at this, albeit better looking, impostor, squinting my shitty vision just to make sure it wasn’t him. And, just to be mean to my own brain, for a few masochistic moments, I pretended it was him for no other reason than to childishly poke a weird little immature beast inside me.
(Me at 21 contemplating bad life choices, including this hair cut and boot cut jeans.)
I shouldn’t have continued dating Jason once I found out he sold weed. I probably should have just called it quits when he angrily threw a small McDonald’s French fry at me because I didn’t read his mind and buy a burger. And, I definitely shouldn’t have loaned him $1,000 over the course of the few months we dated.
At 21 years old, deciding to date a prop master/weed dealer seven years my senior—whom I met while doing background work on the set of a Dick Van Dyke Lifetime movie—was not a good idea. But, I’m not going to tell you about this sad unhealthy mistake I made in my early twenties. It’s a trite story that’s not very interesting. However, how I got back the money I loaned him definitely is.
Left: the Calvin H. Topliff family. Right: the Ohio History Connection. Photo illustration by Matt Dorfman. via NY Times
I’m trying very HARD not to make some gross pun about our country’s 29th leader, President Warren G. HARDing, whose juicy pre-sexting era love letters to long-term mistress Carrie Fulton-Phillips make Anthony Weiner look like his namesake.
As a president, Harding kind of blew. He didn’t even serve a full term and, still, he managed to bring the glorious age of reform that Roosevelt and Wilson worked very HARD (ok, I’ll stop) on to a screeching halt. His administration was corrupt, ill intentioned, and visionless. Harding brought his homeboys into the cabinet so they could hang all day doing nothing besides accepting bribes from oil companies. If Justin Beiber were to be elected, it might look somewhat similar, but way more bling bling and a special guest appearance by Usher.
And while Harding was self-admittedly terrible for the job of leading the free world, he was …a really skilled erotica writer, and I’d have to assume lover, based on details of the love letters he wrote to his 15-year mistress. These guys were hot and heavy, and it was totes on the DL. Of course it was clandestine, because like any rock solid affair, both parties had spouses. But more important than Harding’s wife, Florence’s, feelings was the fact that his sidepiece, Carrie, was a German sympathizer. Oh girl, no, don’t go around talking up the Kaiser and shit. It will get you NOWHERE.
Facebook rolled out a feature a couple weeks ago that allows your friends to, well, be nosy. The new featured called, “Ask,” appears to be Poke 2.0, allowing friends to send a message asking you to fill in the blanks you somehow left in your profile. It’s not limited to relationships status — you can request more info about work, hometown, etc. — but that is obviously the most invasive and private of all the personal information fields.
This feature can put anyone without a complete relationship status on the defensive, whether you’re in a relationship or not. In the real, tangible world, we all hear enough friends, family, co-workers, and even randos you just met, ask “What’s your timeline?”, “How are you still single?”, “When do you think he’ll propose?”, and “Are you seeing someone special?” Do we need to hear it online too?
Can’t we give our digital counterparts the break, we can never expect to get in real life, in a controlled and well-curated environment? Is nothing sacred anymore??
This is def a cheating Scott.
If I was going to be a boy, I would have been named Scott, a name I much prefer to my own. Scott. Scottie. Scooter. What a cool name!
Unfortunately for my perfect name, according to WhitePages.com, who recently released the top male names in the US most associated with cheating on their partners, Scott it the most popular name associated with a low-down-dirty-cheater. AND, there are almost 2 million potentially cheating Scotts running around the U.S. today. This is almost scarier than a zombie apocalypse.
Ok, ok…maybe I’m glad I didn’t end up a cheater. As a Heather I have never cheated on a partner, nor have I been cheated on, to my blissful ignorance.
But, what’s in a name? How did all these names become tied to a Carrie Underwood song? Is it because they are popular names in general? Scott, Mark, Matthew, Ryan — OK, Ryan definitely sounds suspect — are all popular names for men. Perhaps it’s safe to assume based on volume alone, the chances that there will be some cheaters in the mix is greater. After all, a lot of the names listed were on the top 100 list of baby names for 2013. There’s a pretty slim chance that the name Percival would end up on the cheater list, because no one has named their son Percival since 1887.
Or, maybe having a certain name elicits different behavior. Would a Roxanne act differently than a Sarah, even if they grew up exactly the same? Possibly.
But, I think we can all agree that the name Craig is objectively creepy and definitely suspicious, and that’s not just because I had one show up at my door last year on his birthday with another girl.
Here’s the whole list from WhitePages.com:
The Unlucky 13: Top Names Most Associated with Cheating
- Scott: 1,911,897 names in the U.S.
- Mark: 1,846,210 names in the U.S
- Matthew: 1,324,750 names in the U.S.
- Lee: 911, 576 names in the U.S.
- Ryan: 805,486 names in the U.S.
- Nicholas: 636,696 names in the U.S.
- Steve: 607,658 names in the U.S.
- Wayne: 484,941 names in the U.S.
- Craig: 429,684 names in the U.S.
- Harry: 333,442 names in the U.S.
- Dean: 236,369 names in the U.S.
- Ashley: 9,004 names in the U.S.
- Liam: 8,056 names in the U.S.