I'm single in Chicago, and very good at it. I'm highly skilled in awkward flirting, and even more accomplished in the art of attracting sketchy men on online dating sites. I chronicle these disasters on www.disasteronheels.com. If you need dating advice, or tips for improving the nutritional value of Lean Cuisines by inserting multivitamins before serving, email me: [email protected]
It’s August, which means I’m more than halfway through my deployment. By July I’ve already been shipped to New York, Colorado and Maine. Each time I buy the dress, surf registries, RSVP for one, and long for September, the unofficial end of wedding season.
Last weekend I attended a wedding so beautiful, so intimate and so full of love that it affirmed my belief that it’s always worth the wait. In the short-term, however, it reinforced my conviction that I’ll need to go AWOL for the remainder of this season, lest I have a complete and utter meltdown.
As I get older the gap between “me” [Disaster] and “them” [Happily-Ever-Afterturds] gets wider. Where there used to be a cabin full of single guests, now there are only two of us (and the only reason she’s still single is that she lost a lot of time due to a long stint as a lesbian). And after 30, each wedding season becomes a Darwinian dwindle of single. And at last weekend’s wedding I was one of the few people left, holding my ground in single.
The tide has turned, and I should have known it the moment I arrived. I showed up at the lodge with a grocery bag full of Gatorade, Advil and late night snacks (I’m the ultimate provider where orange carbs are concerned). One of the Happily Ever Afterturds turned to me confused and asked, “What’s that for?”
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