Chrisina Vuleta is the founder of 40:20Vision.com, where forty somethings share all things "they wish they'd known then" with 20-somethings. She's on a mission to give 20-somethings a head start on making decisions that are right for them. No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. Follow her on Twitter @4020vision.
The other day I got asked by a group of women how to respond to people constantly asking them “Why are you not married” or the equally difficult to answer, “When are you going to get married?” As someone who married late and spent my fair share of time in between relationships…I can certainly relate to the question.
You would think, in an era where 50% of people are unmarried and plenty of us believe marriage is obsolete, that the question would also die off. More people are putting off marriage or choosing to not marry at all, but the pressure to pair is still there at both 40 and 20. Even in New York City, where it’s quite common to be single in your 30s and 40s, people still feel suitor skepticism and family expectation. Dates assume you must be crazy or neurotic if you are not hitched, parents put on the pressure and older relatives quietly question… “Is he/she gay?”
One woman’s mother calls her after every date to ask…how did it go?
“What I Know Now” is created by Chrisina Vuleta, the founder of the excellent website 40:20Vision.com, where forty somethings share all the things “they wish they’d known then” with 20-somethings. May we all grow happily older AND wiser.
The other week I shared a story here about the importance of not losing yourself in a relationship. “Stay true to yourself” is a healthy relationship truism – but sometimes it’s hard to do in real life. What is the line between being true to “you” and being in a true partnership? After all, there is a natural desire to please the one that we love.
But we have to separate pleasing another with knowing our own boundaries. It’s one thing to support your partner’s dreams and to understand their weaknesses…it’s another for their weaknesses to chip away at our own strengths. 40-something women agree, if you twist yourself into a pretzel – bending to his needs and interests over yours – it can only end with a loss of respect on both sides. So how do you avoid getting the bends? It all starts with building a healthy mindset around dating …and not falling prey to the self-doubt traps. These five women shared with me what they learned about building a strong self of self while dating in their twenties.
“What I Know Now” is created by Chrisina Vuleta, the founder of the excellent website 40:20Vision.com, where forty somethings share all things “they wish they’d known then” with 20-somethings. May we all grow happily older AND wiser.
This 40-something woman moved from a small, conservative hometown in the South to New York City in pursuit of the “Friends” and “Sex and the City” lifestyle. After quickly realizing that TV land’s Manhattan was far from reality, she put her nose to the grindstone and found success in the financial services industry. She survived 9 / 11 but not without an emotional breakdown that caused her to reflect on what she wanted in life. She then married her long-time boyfriend, moved out of the city and became a mom. At forty, she found herself living in the ‘burbs and asking herself…is this it? This is what she wishes she knew in her twenties:
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter