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Britt Q. is just another Portland girl who loves bangs, bikes and brunch. She formerly wrote about love and loss at A Blog About Heartbreak and is now working on her next writing project (to be announced). You can follow her on Twitter (@brittq_) or invite her to brunch at [email protected].
There comes a time in every couple’s relationship that forces them to evaluate whether they are ready for the next step: a lease is up.
And in my case, the stars aligned: both my and my boyfriend’s respective leases were set to end at the same time. Call it a coincidence or a conspiracy, the question was suddenly on the table: Should we move in together?
The first sign that the answer was “no” is that I didn’t even think about it as a possibility. I went to view an apartment and called my friend to tell her I found “The One.” Before I could tell her how many rooms (two!), she interrupts with the question I failed to even consider: “So are you guys going to move-in together or what?”
My first instinct was to laugh. (Sign #2). I snorted, really. I mean, we’ve only been dating 9 months – not even the length of a standard lease. And living together is something grown-up couples do. Not us. We’re still kids! Late 20s-year old kids!
So I answered with what felt right: “No, we’re not going to move in together yet.”
I was somewhat surprised by my answer. I adore my boyfriend; we get along famously, and we spend 6 to 7 nights a week together anyways. We are two peas, alternating nights between two pods. So why didn’t I want to merge into one?
Last week I covered how to write a really, really ridiculously good OKCupid profile. But if it is not your profile that is hindering your success on OKCupid, it may be the people you are finding – or the people you are waiting to find you – that needs some examining.
Look, there is a reason it is called OKCupid – not GetsItRightEveryTimeCupid or even GoodCupid. By its own admission, it’s just OK. Do not rely on their little magic matching algorithm to do everything for you. You need to develop your own sixth sense for finding someone who could be a good match.
But how?
1. Read between the lines. Some profiles say a lot without saying anything at all. Inversely, some profiles tell you very little despite taking 20 scrolls to read through. A guy with 15 “selfie” pictures is not a photogenic guy, but a vain or insecure one. A guy with a super lengthy profile is not an open communicator, just a little emotionally slutty.
Look out for red, orange and yellow flags. Trust your intuition. For me, my internal alarm goes off whenever I view the profile of boys who are just looking for “new friends” (read: one night stand), boys who skirt around the “What I’m doing with my life” question (read: nothing), guys who have 3 pictures in which they are in Halloween costumes at house parties (or at least I hope they are Halloween costumes…), boys who start their profile with “I’m not sure how to talk about myself” (because at the age range of 26-36, you should be self-aware enough to cobble together some kind of introduction), and boys who overuse “LOL” or emoticons (and by “overuse” I mean more than zero times). Oh, and ridiculous facial hair.
I met my (handsome, tall, employed and emotionally balanced) boyfriend through our mutual friend, The Internet. In fact, I met my last few boyfriends (of varying degrees of handsome, height, employment and emotionally maturity) the same way. The Internet has been a pretty good wingman to me.
It wasn’t always that way, however. My first six months of online dating (exclusively on OKCupid) can only be described as a FEMA category 5 level disaster. I went on dates with a guy who kept looking over his shoulder at dinner because he thought his ex-wife was following him, a guy who spit on a homeless person in front of me, and a guy who must have thought he was on an interview because he sure as hell didn’t ask any questions about me. For half a year, I went on a lot of first dates and very few seconds. It was – what’s the word? – demoralizing. Yeah, demoralizing.
Any time someone begins to say “There are only two kinds of…” anything, disregard them immediately. They don’t know what they are talking about.
That said: There are basically only two kinds of relationships.
A mathy visual of a Peaks & Valleys relationship and a Hold Steady relationship
The first kind of relationship is Peaks & Valleys. It is a relationship characterized by the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Your best memories are with this person – and so are your worst. They took you to that summer music festival to see your favorite band – and they also forgot your birthday last month. They brought you flowers for no reason – and they also didn’t text you once for like, three days. You’ve never laughed harder with a person – or cried harder because of a person.
Everyone likes the story about the tightly-wound Type A personality girl who, against all odds, falls in love with the reckless goofy guy who is soooo not her type.
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