Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
According to a recent study reported in The Good Men Project, adult men are more likely than women to settle down with a mate they are not in love with. Amazingly enough, the younger the guys skew the MORE willing they say they are to settle.
This is, naturally, the most counter-intuitive statistic I could hear about the men of my generation, based on my romantic experience as well as my many deep friendships (where we talk about life and hopes and dreams) with the guys in my dah.
I was shocked (shocked!) to learn that one of the answers in the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle was “sext.” It’s not that I wouldn’t love to sext with crossword editor Will Shortz, who is such a linguistic genius that it would probably revolutionize the practice.
Icelandic girls and guys with dahs have a unique problem. In a country of 300,000 people, the odds that you are related to your Boyfriend Prospect, Hot Sex Prospect or Super Horny Guy are…pretty damn good! Maybe you are all related to each other!
Enter the website: islendingabok, a sort of Facebook for Iceland (the name means ‘Book of Icelanders’) which tells you in one click how closely you and your guy are swimming in the genetic pool. Better check it out before your pants come off. Nothing says buzz kill like, our great-grandparents were married…to each other…
Is there an app for that yet????
via OddityCentral and GlobalPost
photo via *christopher*
Have you ever offered up your heart – red and raw and bleeding and throbbing – to someone who did not deserve it, who did not deserve you, who consumed it – and you – greedily, messily, carelessly…heartlessly? Yeah…we all have.
Alice Walker CALLS YOU OUT on this. And also tells you what to do about it.
Never offer your heart
to someone who eats hearts
who finds heartmeat
but not rare
who sucks the juices
drop by drop
like a God.
… read the rest of the poem here …
I don’t mean to be facetious. It’s just that in our f*cked up, post-dating world, we – as women – so often feel like we’re left holding the bag. No matter how strong we feel starting out the night, the friendship, the non-relationship, or even – for goodness sake – the relationship, we have the sense that the cards are stacked against us.
We gulp down the tears and act like we weren’t that into him anyway when we get that thoughtless blow-off email or break-up text. We go hang out with him and his friends, only for him to spend the night hooking up with another girl. We find out he’s engaged on Facebook. We wonder what we did wrong when he disappears off the face of the planet for a day, a week, a month, forever.
BUT, absent traditional rules and expectations, we never know if we can get our hopes up. We can never be sure what any ambiguous interaction means. We feel like crazy psychopaths for stressing and second-guessing everything when LOVE is supposed to be FUN. The dah helps us keep our sanity, but with every non-date we put an inch of our hearts on the line.
It’s enough to drive a pretty lady crazy!
But today I’d like to put aside the hysteria (as it were) and think about where these guys might – might – be coming from.
[photo by Jordy Theiller]
It’s all the rage in Japan – “Love Hotels,” not for prostitution, necessarily, but for couples to go enjoy a blissful/erotic/kinky/relaxing/impassioned few hours together. Some such establishments have wacky themes. Some just provide privacy and discretion. By this estimation, 2% of the Japanese population (that’s 1.4 million people) visit a love hotel EVERY DAY.
I adore this video (from Laughing Squid). And not just because we write so much about princesses on WTF?! Now, to find my dragon…
Where Did All the Princesses Go? by Becky
I Want to be Where the People Are… by Becky
The Princess Club Grows Up by Becky
OK, Cupid. Remember when I joined up last fall and put a lot of thought into how I should fill out my profile and how I felt about this whole online dating phenomenon? Then I talked with a bunch of guys (some of whom were offended and some of whom were turned on by the fact that I said I was looking for casual sex, among other things)? I even talked to the guys my mom found for me when I gave her my log in info for a while. Some guys I met up with and/or hit it off with and/or added to my dah.
All in all, OKCupid was NOT a bad experience – even for a cute girl like me.
But! WTF, OKC! These past few weeks, I have suffered a baffling barrage of messages that boast a greeting (“hi” “hello” “hi there” etc) followed by an emoticon…
As Jess points out below, despite being eminently independent and capable myself, I have had this ‘Manly Men’ thing figured out since a very young age. (So why my love life is now so f*cked up, I’m not sure.)
Therefore, having read Jess’s Ode to Manly Men, I would like to offer my own personal tribute to the manly men in my life. It turns out there are TONS of them. Am I drawn to Manly Men? Or do I know how to make them Manly Men?
I’m in love! The deep, profound, stirring, giggly, excitable, crazy, starry-eyed kind of love. I wasn’t expecting to find it when I walked into the new Apple store on 67th & Broadway – I certainly wasn’t expecting to purchase it for $499 – but there it was. Love at first site. Love at first (i)Touch. It was a magical and revolutionary feeling.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter