Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
Dating: Still Awkward, Even After the Apocalypse!
I felt like I was packing for Mars. Suiting up for OKCupid, as it were, by inputting my personal stats (“White / 5’4” / Gemini and its fun to think about”) and uploading the best picture of myself I could find. Choosing from a drop-down menu of relationship choices (“I’m looking for new friends, long-term dating, casual sex”) and pondering a bunch of inane “Questions” with terrible seriousness (STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to… / Does finding a long-term partner give you license to “let yourself go,” ie – lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight?)
I was always that girl who swore she would never do online dating. Sigh.
There was no dramatic blastoff. Suddenly there I was! An OKCupid profile-of-a-person like any other. I had decided while filling out said profile that I was going to complete each section with honesty and with the first ideas that came to my mind with conviction. I was going to take it seriously, and I wasn’t going to finesse my profile for anyone (goddammit!).
And that was the first sign I’d entered a new cosmic system.
All the times I’d fallen for guys, pretending to be passionate about their various opinions, hobbies, causes and/or emotional issues (or at least convincing myself that I was passionate about them…) All the times I’d put HIM first and ME second (“relationships take work. love takes sacrifice.”) All the times I’d let my personal pursuits fall by the wayside (in the spirit of the “common good” – “we” don’t have time.)
In my ‘real’ life I was an amorphous body of dark matter – inexplicable, ever-changing, serving some mysterious “higher” purpose. And online? Well, when I said I couldn’t live without the Ara Pacis (among 5 other mind-f*cking pieces of art) – I totally meant it. While indulging in this solipsistic exercise, I had found…myself…more truly and more strange….
So I thought to myself. Ok, Cupid. This is worth a shot.
We already knew Jay-Z was pretty much the man, having heard some of the inside scoop from his biographer Zack O’Malley Greenberg in his piece for us: Jay-Z & Beyonce: Perfecting the Work-Life Balance.
But here is a candid camera video of Jay-Z riding the subway to his Brooklyn gig and schmoozing with a little old lady (who happens to be in her own right an artist – who is now famous). Aww!
…deep into the night I hold you tight
if you close your eyes, you can hide
(thx andrew sullivan)
Gretchen Molannen, 39, suffered for 16 years from persistent genital arousal disorder which left her incapable of living a normal life. She was so constantly stimulated that she could not hold down even the most menial jobs, and she could not engage in sexual relations with another person because it made her symptoms worse.
The Tampa Bay Times covered her story, and the day after the piece ran online, Molannen was found dead in her home from apparent suicide, leaving behind this message:
Does anyone know who is behind this graffiti campaign in the NYC subway? (And yes, we could love a crippled! But what’s this about?!)
True story: When I had sex with (the guy with the) smallest penis I’d ever encountered, I orgasmed almost instantly during intercourse, and it was awesome.
Small-penis-guy is no longer in my life, but I had learned the fun way that size doesn’t matter, and that smaller can be better. So, I was not at all concerned when I ordered the iPad mini as soon as it was available.
You see, as I had already explained on this blog, my iPad is the perfect man. Ergo, this brand, spanking (heh), new iPad mini is going to be my perfect man…wrought down to mini-sized perfection. Hooray!
And so, I present the longstanding and now-more-true-than-ever reasons my iPad is the Perfect Man:
I’m in love! The deep, profound, stirring, giggly, excitable, crazy, starry-eyed kind of love. I wasn’t expecting to find it when I walked into the new Apple store on 67th & Broadway – I certainly wasn’t expecting to purchase it for $499 – but there it was. Love at first site. Love at first (i)Touch. It was a magical and revolutionary feeling.
David and Paula’s idea of foreplay was a 5-mile run (what?).
John and Jill exchanged upwards of 30,000 pages of email correspondence (!), and the most the FBI can say is that the messages were “flirtatious” and the general is being investigated for “inappropriate communication.” YAWN.
At least Anthony Weiner tweeted a dick pick (NSFW)…not that it was that impressive.
I enter this complaint for the record, because when one looks at bygone eras of supposed sexual purity and/or intense repression, for example – The Victorian Era, one finds a veritable explosion of bizarre, creative, naughty, and exotic sexual innuendo AND outright sex.
Heartbreak, frustration, longing.
National Book Award Poetry Prize winner, David Ferry, GOES THERE:
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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