Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
There are mysteries that have puzzled and tortured Mankind for millennia. The greatest enigma perhaps of all being Woman. Her fickle emotionality, the rising tides of her passion, her intense devotion to Gilt Groupe. All have engendered in dudes since time in memoriam a resounding, “Huh?“
God may have declared to Eve, “With pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you,” but let’s get real. If Men were the born rulers, then why does THIS APP exist?
Yesterday I got a beautiful tattoo (<3 to Joe Mags at BK Ink!) So in the spirit of pleasurable pain, I thought we could delve into the tempestuous love universe of my favorite poetess, Gaspara Stampa.
Talk about money well spent! Last week, the Wall Street Journal ran a piece about “Bryant Park’s Sex Engineer” – that would be Daniel A. Biederman, the president of the Bryant Park Corp. – who focuses the park’s initiatives on pleasing women since women are 1. more discriminating than men when it comes to park amenities and safety 2. more desirable to have around in large numbers. In fact, making Bryant Park at any given lunch hour at least 52% female would make the park “Nirvana for some of us.” Well rub my belly and call me Buddha!
The Girls. The Giddiness. The Fashion. The Fabulous.
All were present and decked out at the Radio City Music Hall World Premiere of Sex and the City 2. Jess & I had a blast gawking at Mr. Big,crowding Donald Trump and saluting the stunning looks of SJP & co. In fact, 51st & 6th boasted the most intense concentration of neon and sparklesto date on planet earth. I couldn’t help but wonder…what is it about this iconic show and set of films that continues to inspire awe, glee, and devotion?
We’ve spent a lot of time on this site talking about romantic confusion and ambiguity – and wondering why an optimistic and empowered generation like ours can have love lives that are so fucked up. I’m all for figuring this out. I think imposing order on the chaos and talking about the post-dating world really helps us understand what’s going on. And when I look at my dah, I can see how my relationships with these guys (and these guys, and these guys and these guys…ok, fine, I have a Guy Who Just Blew Me Off – or 7) fulfill different parts of myself and help me to realize and understand my own complexity.
The media’s abuzz celebrating the 50th anniversary of the invention of the Birth Control Pill (which amazingly enough fell on Mother’s Day this year).
Yes. Duh. The Pill was revolutionary. As reported by Harry Smith on the CBS Early Show, “In the 1950s, women made up about a third of the workforce. Today, women hold nearly half of all U.S. jobs. In the 1950s, American women, on average, had 3.8 children. Today that number has dropped to 2.1.” Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards is quoted saying: “The invention of the birth control pill revolutionized life for women in America. It’s completely changed women’s options.”
The Pill’s essential contribution – and controversy – is the assertion that women should be able to explore their unfettered sexuality, should be able to decide when and if to have children, should NOT be hindered in work, love or life by the sometimes inconvenient fact of having ovaries. I’ll raise a glass of champagne and down a Tri-Norinyl to that idea!
As an over-empowered Millennial, I’m glad to be celebrating this important anniversary, but I’m also amused by the sense of gravitas imbuing these events. Today’s young women are literally offered up a smorgasboard of hormonal contraceptive options – pills, rings, patches, the morning after pill, instead of OR in addition to good old barrier methods. There’s so much choice and variety! Consequently, we take birth control for granted. We’re even being pitched pills like Yaz on the grounds that it’s BEYOND birth control. We’re so over plain vanilla; if I’m going to take a pill, I might as well get glowing skin in the bargain. Arguably, The Pill has succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest expectations. Birth control is now beside the point.
Not sure what’s going on with our readers in other parts of the country (I was in LA this week and it was freezing. Thanks guys.) But in New York it’s (finally!) a heavenly, gorgeous, warm, delightful day. There’s nothing like a little sunshine to make a girl crave romance, passion, and a long walk (or volleyball!) on the beach. Oh, and love poetry by The Bard himself.
Love is not all: It is not meat nor drink
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain,
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink
and rise and sink and rise and sink again.
Love cannot fill the thickened lung with breath
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;
Yet many a man is making friends with death
even as I speak, for lack of love alone.
It well may be that in a difficult hour;
pinned down by need and moaning for release
or nagged by want past resolution’s power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It may well be. I do not think I would.
–Edna St. Vincent Millay
People – we’ve already discussed how the Rules of Attraction (you’ve got to pucker up ze lips like dis…) were spelled out for us in our early childhoods by Sebastian the Crab. But before we declare ourselves the Disney Generation Par Excellence, let’s take a moment to ask an important question: What If The Disney Princesses Grew Up?!
My dear friend Demetri and I just had an interesting gchat convo about modern (post-modern?) love & relationships. So if Demetri and I are right – and love boils down to a daily decision and we’re all living relationships, or non-relationships, of convenience, or of inconvenience – where DOES that leave romance, passion and, most importantly, commitment?
In the timeless words of the Beach Boys: God Only Knows What I’d Be Without You. And the 2010 reply: I’d be a movie star! A Nobel prize winning scientist! Happy! Are we headed full-speed toward a world where love is the ultimate ball-and-chain?
So Marni writes: “WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THE BAD BOY!!!!!!! They want to be with a good man who does possess some of the qualities the bad boy pretends to have.”
Oh, how are the mighty fallen!
Daily Intel “feels bad” for snickering, but makes the fair enough point that romance / life / career self-help author Karen Salmasohn fell for the oldest line in the book when she started an affair with a married man who claimed he was divorcing his wife, got knocked up, and then was shocked (and is suing him) because it turns out he’s still very much married and very much NOT getting divorced.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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