Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
I know you’ll be shocked (shocked!) to read this, but our very own guru of the non-date, Jess, has been on a horrible date (or a gazillion). And she was just interviewed about one by our pals over at SpeedDate.com.
What I want to know is why she didn’t send me an “Ask Becky” text from the road. I would have told her what to do.
Unfortunately, way too many women learn it the hard way. Even a guy with everything going for him – a high paid sports career, pop stardom, a governorship, the Nobel Peace Prize – can turn out to be a disrespectful/lying/cheating/hypocritical scumbag. Hence the WTF?! Wall of Shame.
As the young generation, we’re optimistic about love, and we’re re-defining the rules of courtship and relationships, but around every proverbial, pop-cultural corner there’s another failed marriage, another woman scorned, another embarrassing sexual revelation, another tragic fall.
So what to make of the idea that – maybe – we don’t need men at all?!
Jess – I get the logic of your argument from last week’s Ode to Ugly Guys. Ugly guys are more fun and interesting than hot guys. The gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame also make the point rather well.
But what if I don’t want to have sex with that ugly guy?
Or, to put it visually.
These naked ugly guys are brilliant and funny (and for all I know geniuses in bed):
But, at the end of the day, I want to have sex with this hot guy (and so do you):
Such, evidently, is the predicament of the modern woman.
I just got back from the most beautiful wedding. The bride wore white. The groom’s minister father performed the ceremony. The wedding took place at an old pilgrim church in New Haven. Vows were made “before God and these witnesses.” And at the reception – on polished, creaky, historic floors, sipping specialty (strong) cocktails – we danced to jazz standards and toasted the happy couple with the Mory’s song. Did I mention the Best Man was really cute?
I can now safely say good riddance to traditional dating. And not just because the “Artichoke and Poke” sounds so delicious.
The story: a gf set me up with a guy she thought I would like. He sent me a courteous email and we arranged a date. It wasn’t a “Dinner and a Movie Date,” just an after-work-summer-drinks-date, but thank god! Because I showed up at the bar, sat down with him at a little booth in the corner and – even though this guy was perfectly lovely – we had absolutely no chemistry. I could tell within 5 minutes that there was not a shred of a chance of a spark of romance or connection.
But we had to sit through the gentile-but-excruciating-hour-long-date anyway. Meanwhile, I had editing jobs, my own writing to work on, a friend’s engagement party to plan, and my puppy to walk. WTF?! Who has time in life for this dating thing?
Strongarm makes the point in his Guide to a Successful Relationship that you should always want to be with your girlfriend / boyfriend / life partner / husband / wife. In fact, it’s Rule #2: “You MUST always want to hang with her/him.”
Is it delusional to think you could ALWAYS want to be spending time with one person? That you would ALWAYS “REALLY want to hang out with them the majority of the time”?
I never thought I’d see the day, but over here at WTF?! we seem to be in a weird mind meld with Playboy, which launched their new, “safe-for-work” website at midnight. The Smoking Jacket (named for Hef’s signature lounge-about-the-mansion ensemble) boasts shorter, more sensational content than the magazine and NO pictures of naked women. The lead story on the site today? How To Get Laid At Work.
Crazy shit! Jess and I also had a long debate about whether and where to post all those NSFW nude photos of our Hot Sex Prospects. (that’s a joke. your pictures are safe with us, guys.) But the real reason I call attention to the mind-meld is that we’ve been talking about the do’s, don’ts and how-tos of office sexual politics here at WTF?! – most recently in the latest Ask Jess column. And we laid (ahem) the groundwork months ago when we started talking about that Career Booster in your dah.
SxAxG – this here town ain’t big enough for the both of us…
Nah, just kidding! The beauty of WTF?! is that this a forum where all ideas and perspectives are welcomed. Just be forewarned – I, for one, will not go down without a war of words.
Here’s my response (in the comments of SAG’s Guest Blog), and please do weigh in, people!
Nothing sets the tone for this standoff like the High Noon build up to a classic Western gunfight: HIGH NOON
This week in NYC Happenings, the theatrically-inclined among you can invite one of your dah guys or girls on a non-date to the Samuel French Off Off Broadway Short Play Festival. Tomorrow night features SMART PHONE by Nick Jones, who is that force of perverse nature behind such cult indie theater as Jollyship the Whizbang, Straight Up Vampire, and, forthcoming at Lincoln Center, The Coward.
We’re into this play here at WTF?! considering the tag line:
“A phone develops artificial intelligence and takes over Sam’s love life.”
Sounds like my auto-biography!
I’m excited to see Jones’ take on the perils of technology and love. Lord knows, we’ve spent a lot of time on this site (and with Andi & Brenna at CNN.com!) dishing about the angst, confusion, fun, ambiguity, and craziness of techno-romance. Our very own love guru Jess pointed out on the Huffington Post that you can technologically outsource your entire relationship if you want! (that’s a JOKE, people.)
The second season of HBO show HUNG is here! With the tag line “New Season. Old Profession.”
The high concept of the show is that this down-on-his-luck, high-school-basketball-coach, divorced-father-of-two, named Ray, has nothing to capitalize on in this economy but his very large penis. With the help of two bickering, competitive female pimps – one a self-righteous poet, the other an amoral personal shopper – Ray becomes an escort, servicing ladies throughout Detroit. And he works hard for the money.
Now that Jess and I have told Chris Brown to shamefully f*ck off, we can get back to the fun stuff. Like food! And sex! At the same time! Or at least in close succession!
(do I sound excited?)
Cook to Bang is a popular blog that is now a book. The project is billed as “The Lay Cook’s Guide to Getting Laid,” or as the website puts it – “Recipes to Get You Laid.” Author Spencer Walker claims he can make good on this promise of culinary sexual prowess. All it takes is a “Sex Crazy Mofo Tofu Scramble” or some “Miso Horny Cod” or the “Naughty Mahi,” paired, of course, with the proper alcoholic beverage of choice (Panty Dropping Shandy? Raging Hard (On) Lemonade? Smoking Hot Peppermint Fatty?) and you, dude, and your lady will be banging in no time.
We desire, the way a twice-poisoned dog eyes a third piece of meat.
I’ve always loved this simple, little poem. It’s a perfectly distilled thought, and so true. This website is proof – we’ve all been there! Chasing (or just Facebook stalking) the guys we know we shouldn’t want. Giving that Guy Who Just Blew You Off a second chance…and a third…and fourth…and a seventh… Rationalizing, justifying, excusing and forgiving a guy’s unworthy behavior in the name love.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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