Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
Ladies (and gentlemen), let’s talk about boobs.
Specifically, let’s talk about boob acceptance. Yes, I said it: boob acceptance. Because so many people want us to feel bad about our boobs. The media is so ready to rate actresses based on cup size. Magazines tell small-chested ladies not to wear bandeau bathing suit tops because it’s not “flattering” — flattering, meaning, “big breasted”. (More on this later.)
There’s nothing wrong with having big breasts. And there’s nothing wrong with having small breasts, either.
Can we all agree that breasts are great? They feed our kids. As a mother, which I am not and probably never will be, I find that amazing. We’ve got baby restaurants in our bodies.
But when you’ve got small baby restaurants, you’re suddenly forced into thinking that you should have bigger ones. I went through a few years where I yearned for bigger breasts. I called my parents, crying, like a total brat, begging for breast implants. That’s probably one of my most shameful moments. I didn’t appreciate my body and all the great things it could do for me – I was upset because I didn’t have a C-cup.
Time to drool over old photos of gorgeous wedding dresses and gowns. Who’s with me?? Forgive me, but wedding season is upon us and I am not immune. Here are 10 of my favorite vintage wedding dresses.
10. Shirley Temple
Shirley Temple got married at 17 in 1945 and wore this gorgeous satin wedding dress. Don’t you love the fun neckline?
Wedding season is upon is (isn’t it always?) so I thought we could have a little fun and explore the wonderful world of wedding dresses, safely from our computer screens, as trying them on looks like a nightmare.
Here are my top 10 dream wedding dresses. Though I am not engaged or close at all, my wedding Pinterest board has finally come in handy. I know some of you out there know exactly what I’m talking about.
10. The “Grand Palais” by Carol Hannah
At $2,865 it seems like a steal (and I’m not even being sarcastic!). It’s breathtaking with just the right amount of quirky.
Is this really the perfect woman? Brobible posted this graphic generated by lingerie company Bluebella, who polled men and women asking what their idea celeb body parts are and Frankensteined them into one “perfect” woman, from the ladies’ answers and the mens’.
Do we really need this? Once again, here we are, faced with beauty ideals we cannot possibly achieve. The mens’ perfect woman kind of looks like The Human Barbie, while the woman’s perfect woman resembles more of an actual Barbie doll. The mens’ woman also has a lot more curves than the womans’ woman, even in the hair.
What does this tell us?
Remember when Charlotte in Sex and the City set her sights on Trey, because he seemed like perfect marriage material? If you watched the show you discovered, along with Charlotte, that he was far from perfect after all. But even though she was wrong, did her theory hold? Is there a “marrying type” and can you tell if a guy is one?
The Atlantic reported on a study done by Social Science Research to determine just that. To quote the research, “This study examines how personal traits affect the likelihood of entering into a cohabitating or marital relationship using a competing risk survival model with cohabitation and marriage as competing outcomes. “ They took more than 9,000 young teenagers and followed them into their young adult years, up until ages 24-34 and asked others to rate their personalities, attractiveness, and grooming skills on a scale from one (least) to five (most). I can’t imagine how damaging that could be for a teenager, and I’m hoping they didn’t get the data when they were in their awkward adolescent years.
I was inspired to write this by my friend, Jamie Varon, who wrote a piece called “The Defense of the Selfie”. I also think the selfie needs some defending.
Today I’m going to be analyzing a retro love song, this time, “Marriage Is For Old Folks” by Nina Simone off of the I Put A Spell On You album from 1965. Let’s see how it holds up.
Note: In the 1960′s, many singers like Nina Simone did not write their own songs. When I refer to Nina Simone, I’m referring to her not as a songwriter of the song, but as the character singing it. We don’t know if she really agreed with the message in the song, or if she was singing it tongue-in-cheek. It sounds like there’s a little bit of cheekiness in her delivery.
“Marriage Is For Old Folks”
I love dancing
Crazy romancing
Fellas advancing constantly
Hey, I also love those things! Except the whole “fellas advancing constantly” sounds well…at worst, a little rapey.
Marriage is for old folks
Old folks, not for me!
One husband
One wife
Whaddya got?
Two people sentenced for life!
How I Met Your Mother is one of those shows I wouldn’t have given a chance to if someone hadn’t turned it on while I was in the room. The title threw me off — it sounded like a cheesy, silly show. But I was wrong. I was so wrong it was legend–wait for it–dary. (Sorry, couldn’t resist).
I can’t believe that it’s over. Though I got into the show a few years after it premiered, I caught up, and quickly — it was addictive. I’ve been there through all of Ted’s girlfriends, mother material (Victoria) and pure ratings boosters (Katy Perry). I’ve seen all of Barney’s plays, both ridiculous and genius (and some a combination of both). And I’ve suffered through countless Ted/Robin breakups. So here are 10 things How I Met Your Mother taught me, for which I will be forever grateful.
Note: this post was inspired by Simone of Skinny Dip, whose “10 Things I’ve Learned About Love From How I Met Your Mother” is a must read.
NOTE: This was written before the finale aired.
10. Everyone needs at least one good friend.
They were lucky enough to be a close-knitted fivesome. Not everyone can have 4 great friends they can rely on. It’s hard enough to make plans with one other person sometimes. But everyone needs at least one good friend to share their triumphs and failures with. Even if it’s your spouse. Lily and Marshall aren’t just a married couple — they’re best friends.
Sometimes we want to believe that something is truly great and truly meant to be, but the truth is, it’s just not right. Here are some ways to tell if it’s not right (in relationships).
It’s not right if…
- You’re always thinking about someone else. It’s kind of a big duh, but sometimes when things are going great with a person on paper, you really want to believe that it’s great in real life, even though you can’t stop thinking about someone else. Doesn’t matter if the person you can’t stop thinking about is an ex or just a crush; if they’re on your mind, it means the person you’re with, isn’t.
- You ignore your instincts. As women, sometimes it’s easy for us to ignore instincts, even though we shouldn’t, because we’re constantly drilled in by society that we’re “too emotional”. But emotions are a great indicator of how things are going. And if our instincts tell us that something’s wrong, it means something is wrong, plain and simple. Don’t ignore your instincts.
- You have to convince your friends how good it is. I’ve heard girlfriends tell me about their relationships in a way that suggests they’re at court, trying to convince us, the jury, of why their client is innocent. “Yeah, he’s always late for our dates and he doesn’t like to cuddle…but he knows what my favorite band is!” — that kind of stuff. If you feel you have to explain why someone is right for you (read: why they don’t suck), then it’s not right, and all is not well.
I think I know what the most important thing in a relationship is, and it’s not even revelatory, it borders on cliché, but here we go: communication. Why am I sharing this massive “duh”? Because I don’t think people realize just how important it is. I often have people ask me to help them with their dating troubles, and what it really comes down to is this: you have to talk to your partner.
But that’s not always as easy as it sounds. So how can you communicate with your partner in a way that’s stress-free and helpful? Here are my ideas.
It’s (mostly) about timing.
Isn’t everything in life, really? But that’s a whole other article. Anyway, if you want to have a serious (or even not-so-serious) talk with your partner, you want it to be at the right time. It needs to happen when both of you are calm, stress-free, and preferably not stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway.
Being in love is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it feels like you’re just perfect for each other. And maybe you are. But make sure you know what the signs are. Because to quote 500 Days of Summer, Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.” It’s deeper stuff. Here are 5 signs you’re perfect for each other.
Your fights make you stronger, not weaker.
When you fight, you emerge from the fight better for it. You don’t tear each other down, you don’t ruin each other — you fight fair. Couples are guaranteed to fight. It’s all about how you fight and what you learn from the fight that really matters.
I am currently not single, and I’m not trying to be — I love my boyfriend and I love being in a couple. But I can be realistic: there are some pretty great things about being single. And I’m not saying I miss these things… well, except maybe #3. Here are the 10 best things about being single.
10. The constant flirting.
You can feel free to flirt with anyone at anytime. Unless you find out the person you’re flirting with has a boyfriend/girlfriend, in which case you should probably stop. But until then, knock yourself out. Be a flirting machine.