Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
Do you need help finding a man? Joe Bonomo would like to offer his dating advice with his 64 page book titled How To Find Your Man from 1954. Want to find and keep “Your Man”? Follow these tips!
1. Start by filling out a handy chart of “yes” or “no” questions.
Here are the questions (and Joe asks that you fill them out twice. First before reading the book, and then after.)
1. Sure you want to find him? (Sure.)
2. Are you ready for him? (Oh yeah.)
3. Are you mentally relaxed? (Hahahahahaha.)
4. Are you honest with yourself? (Sure.)
5. Can you be honest with him? (Oh yeah.)
6. Are you feminine in appearance? (…what?)
7. Do you look happy? (Well not when I’m having panic attacks, which is fairly often.)
8. Can you share? (Yeah unless it’s my stuff.)
9. Want a guy who’s not quite perfect? (Are you hitting on me, Joe?)
10. Are you prompt for dates? (I try my best, I swear!)
11. Is your outfit complimentary to him? (Yes, I spied on him before our date and matched my outfit accordingly, down to the tie.)
12. Do you want him tailored to fit your idea of Mr. Right? (Who is Mr. Right, really?)
So how did you do, ladies?
For the first time in my life, I will be living with a boyfriend. I’ve lived with guys before (my brother, my ex-roommate’s brother), but never with my guy. I’m beyond excited, and also, a little anxious. The anxiety is mainly because this will be the 3rd time in 1 year that I’ve moved. And moving is an anxiety-riddled thing. There’s just so much to do!
So in order to make all this anxiety a little easier to deal with, I’ve broken down some thoughts about moving in with a boyfriend. Maybe they’ll resonate with you, too.
Thought #1: Sharing a bathroom.
Yeah, we could have gotten more bang for our buck by moving into a less trendy area and gotten an apartment with more than one bathroom, but we didn’t. And now we’re just going to have to deal with that. I stay over at his place a few times a week, so by now, we’re pretty used to each other’s bathroom habits and how much counter space we need. I’m well aware that he uses more hair product than I do, and he’s well aware that I need 2 towels to dry off after I shower (one for my hair). We’ve adapted, and we’ll continue to adapt, lack of counter space be damned.
Can I confess something? I freakin’ love astrology. I’ve always been intrigued by it, and I do truly believe that there are certain traits that certain signs posses. Of course, everybody is different, but I will defend the opinion that all Scorpios are strong-willed or that all Sagittarius folk need their space. I say this as a Scorpio dating a Sagittarius. And luckily, my boyfriend feels the same way about astrology that I do.
But what if I were single? I’ve been down that road, and I’ve tried OkCupid and Tinder (among others), and I gotta say, it was kind of a bust. So based on my love of astrology and my love of dating apps/sites, I would definitely try Align.
What is Align? It’s an app that matches you up based on your astrological sign. Look, I realize some of you may be reading this and rolling your eyes, but hear me out.
One of my favorite things to do is comb through Twitter for tweets that make me laugh out loud. Tweets that are so funny and so witty that I think, “Damn, why didn’t I think of that?” and just laugh. So I love being able to share these tweets with you in this series I call “Best Lady Tweets.” It’s all about finding those great tweets from some great Twitter ladies.
10.
[Don, now old, sits at a bar] DON I used to work in advertising, you know. I did the ads for Lucky St– WAITRESS Ughhhhhhhh [End of show]
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 13 2021
So, every week I like to round up what I refer to as the “Best Lady Tweets“, AKA, funny tweets from hilarious women on Twitter. And each week, it seems like an incredible surprise: a sort of, “Wow, time for this already? Didn’t I just do this?” I mean, the days/weeks/months are just flying by for me. Anyone else feel this way?
Well, whether you’re ready for it or not, the weekend is coming, and with it, these best lady tweets. Enjoy!
10.
Honestly drunk girls I meet in bathrooms treat me better than 99% of the people I know.
— Jewpac Kippur (@jewfacekilla) May 5 2021
Friendships come and go — it’s a way of life. Sometimes, it’s because of some major event or offense; one of you deeply hurt the other person, and you can’t move past it. But sometimes, both of you just gradually drift apart. And in some ways, this friendship break up is even harder to cope with. Because it’s not like you did something bad and deserve a break up. You don’t know exactly what went wrong, because nothing really “went wrong.” So it’s not like you can apologize and move on. You just have to…move on.
So whether your break up with your friend was like this — vague and without warning lights — or was straight up (and straight up painful), I have some advice on how to cope with a friend breaks up with you.
Drink lots of wine.
Am I actually advising that you drink to cope with your problems? You bet your sweet bippy I am. Don’t drink forever. Don’t drink so much that you forget your own name. Don’t drink and Facebook (or Tweet, or call). But if you don’t have a drinking problem and are looking to knock back a glass of Olivia Pope style red wine without feeling guilty, I give you my permission.
What a week! I’m still recovering from an injury, so I def needed something to make me laugh and smile, hence this week’s edition of Best Lady Tweets! I found what I think are some of the funniest and wittiest tweets from women on Twitter. I hope they make you laugh and smile as well! And do feel free to recommend your favorite lady tweeters!
10.
Some days I just wish Lionel Richie could whisper "tom boi le de say de moi ya" to me and play with my hair until I fall asleep.
— denise (@Stellacopter) April 30 2021
As open as we are about relationships in 2015, thanks to the endless sharing via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and others, there seems to be one relationship issue we’re still not ready to bust wide open — couples therapy. Going to couples therapy definitely isn’t as closeted as it used to be, or as shameful; celebrities like Dax Shepherd and Kristen Bell are happy to discuss their times in couples therapy, with Shepherd saying, “In my previous relationship, we went to couples therapy at the end, and that’s often too late.”
But there’s some disagreement about that. A recent article in The Cut about the subject quoted a young woman who said, of couples counseling, “If you need couples therapy before you’re married — when it’s supposed to be fun and easy, before the pressures of children, family, and combined financials — then it’s the wrong relationship.”
So which is it?
Hello everyone! Each week I search Twitter for the best tweets from women — tweets that are funny, true, and just all-around great. The unintentional theme of these week seems to be regret. Nothing like taking your regrets to Twitter, right? Right. So here’s what I found this week! Enjoy!
10.
I bet my therapist thought I was showing up today.
LOL, more like SIKEologist.
— Raspberry Jam (@Jenny4ashley) April 23 2021
“So why are you single?” Have you ever gotten that question? Have you ever heard, “So why are you in a relationship?” Probably not. Yet, when people (specifically women), are single, it seems like there has to be some massive investigation as to why. Like we should parade Chris Hansen out to ask the tough questions: “Can you tell me what you’re doing here? Can you tell me why you’re single? Have a seat.”
Boy, did I have a crazy week. In a rush to watch Mad Men before it started, I ran from the kitchen, slipped, fell, and sprained my wrist and broke my toe. So I am in definite need of some cheering up, and that’s what this week’s edition of Best Lady Tweets is all about! I found some funny tweets from some funny women. Laugh along with me!
10.
I wish Hillary Clinton would just make her campaign slogan “It’s about fucking time.”
— Twitnter Is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 12 2021
Sometimes, when you’re doing things, you have to do other things, and that’s a hardship in anyone’s life. We all strive to be better at doing these things, and that’s why I’m offering these tips. Because there are moments when certain things in our lives become other things in our lives and that’s when we realize that we can do any of the things. I believe in all of you. Here are the Top 10 Things You Need To Do In 5 Ways To Be 20 Times Better At These 4 Things (By Age 30). The second thing will shock you!
10. Text your man sexy texts!
Ladies, this is a real truth that may shock you, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it, as I am not a sugarcoater deviant — your man isn’t always gonna be there for you, so be sure to tart yourself up and send him some sexy texts — straight masterpieces! This isn’t slutshaming or a takedown of misogyny — don’t believe me? Just watch! No but seriously, ladies, it’s important to let your man know that he is the number one dude for you, unless he cheats on you, then leave him forever! Just do it! I am your God now.