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Alison Steedman is the editor at Dating & Hookup. She lives in Los Angeles with her boyfriend and their histrionic cat, Charles Dickens, where she still carries on a nostalgic and long-distance love affair with her 20's in Brooklyn, NY. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @yosteedman, and you can also send her your writing at [email protected], both of which make her very happy.
Yes, Brad and Angie are engaged. And for a split second this somehow softens my viewpoint of them. Because, to-date whenever I happen to see their faces on the tabloids I am overcome with feelings of general malaise and a thought track of “shut-up, shut-up.” (Though, I do have a smidge of a prurient interest in their children, the twins especially. Maybe it’s envy. They’re so beautiful! Strangely innocent! They’ll never have to worry about money!)
Yet, here I am feeling a sense of softness at the Brangelina engagement. Except, before they did that, they adopted and had oodles of children. It’s like they were so rich that they didn’t have to worry about it, or follow rules like the rest of us. Don’t most people agree that two committed parents are good for kids? (I realize that they very well may have been “committed” before they were engaged, and there’s all kinds of ways to have relationships but, like…it’s still weird.)
Just generally, I feel like there is something deeply hypocritical and unselfaware about the whole Brangalina thing. Can one really be a praise-worthy UN ambassador when one has a $250,000 diamond engagement ring and arrives to hug starving children on a private plane? They are so brazen.
But then, there’s how I felt when I saw they were engaged: a combination of “oh, sweet” and also in there…relief. It begged the question, is there a part of me that’s still a traditionalist, like my grandmother, willing to forgive and rectify, so long as they’re married?
Thankfully, I don’t think so. While there’s something about their child accumulation / love affair that pings heartstrings and eyeballs ’round the world, for me at least, the Brangalina marriage is just a small moment in which they do something that other, normal people do. And I think their impending marriage, strangely, makes me feel better about myself, if only for a moment.
To be fair, I suppose Saint Angie & the newly affianced Mr. Pitt are better than say, Kim Jong Il. And there’s also the argument that their celebrity supports their humanitarian work, and that in order to make tabloid headlines, you need $250,000 engagement rings. But I’ll never know the truths of that equation, and I still refuse to fawn.
That is a serious leg-slit future first lady!
Remember when you went to prom and thought you were the most beautiful thing on the planet. Then later, you look at your prom photos (And you’re were wearing copious amounts of butterfly clips, sea green eyeshadow and a Jessica McClintock dress.) and you’re like, oh, no. This is kinda like that.
Image by Brett Jordan
Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.
Maybe you already saw this, because it was the most-read and most-emailed article in The New York Times this weekend.
Interesting. Kind of a do’s & don’ts. Do live together if you’ve talked about it and both consider it a step toward a long-term commitment or marriage. Don’t live together if you think it’s “convenient” and don’t have a truly honest talk beforehand. In short, cohabitating in an imperfect relationship can sustain that relationship unnaturally. Couples think there’s an easy out, but there’s not.
Does anyone know anyone who uses Foursquare? We seriously do not, not with Facebook having check-in. But maybe we’re uncool, because clearly there are people out there using it, 20 million of them.
Wait exception, I just remembered, back in New York I knew a guy who was mayor of the Whole Foods at Union Square. He would bring this up repeatedly in conversation. Apparently this was a tremendous coup. And I guess so, that place was crow-ded!
Also, once I looked up the mayor of The White House. I think it was an Indian guy, literally, based in India. He had something like 40 check-ins. Fun-ny!
Helmut Newton’s famous self-portrait — that’s his wife on the right! Is one of several iconic photos being auctioned off at Chrysties this week. This one is expected to be the most expensive, at $140,000.
What is it about Helmut Newton? His woman are so sexy, disdainful, powerful. They’re dare-I-say-it, rad.
Who wants to fuck with this lady? Nobody. I do however, basically want to be her.
So glutonous! So spiteful. So complicit.
I will get blood on this dress. Note, this photo isn’t in the auction. I just got really into googleing Helmut Newton.
Cow girl. Ditto, this photo isn’t in the auction.
Men that are never getting out of “the friend zone.”
Images originally compiled on BuzzFeed.
The New York Times bestselling young-adult series Internet Girls has been high on the list since 2008. Hunger Games is #3 this year. (I know it’s violent, but seriously?) The books are written in “internet language” (lol) and feature explicit language and sex.
The series author Lauren Myracle says she believes that the reason the books worry parents so much is because they worry about their kids, and that the series can feature “good girls making bad decisions.” However, she hopes that the realistic but honest nature of the books help girls to make better decisions. And after all, isn’t fiction the very best when it speaks to something real?
Even though we live in an age where techno-romance is commonplace, I guess a title like Internet Girls is still salacious…if you’re 45. Everyone’s scared of unknowns.
Read the complete interview with the author on The Daily Beast.
Creative Commons image by seanmcgrath.
This just in from our WTF?! spies. Girls are asking boys to prom so much these days that it appears to be the norm.
In fact, two younger brothers of our friends were asked to prom in adorable and really public ways. One guy was asked when a girl covered his car windshield with colorful post-its saying “Will you go to prom with me?” Another was asked when his date got his entire wrestling team to wear shirts asking him to go to prom with her. So cute. And cool, right?
Can I tell you that I wouldn’t have asked a dude to go to prom with me for a bajillion dollars in 1999? Much less publicly! I mean, I knew it should be okay. And I really wanted it to be okay. Except no one did it. So while it may have been theoretically okay, it was definitely a risk and therefore not okay.
Perhaps there are people out there who were confident enough to take social risks in high school. But those people were emphatically not me. I was too worried about whether I had the right brand of jeans. Express, Mudd or Diesel (the crème de la crème)? It was an eternal question. (Gross, 17 year-old superficial teenybopper Alison, gross.)
Anyway, our evidence in anecdotal. But I’d be willing to bet that it’s accurate. And it’s certainly good news. I mean, men and women are supposed to be equal. It follows that both sexes should be empowered to make romantic advances.
Do you guys have experience with this? Is this totally unsurprising to you? How did it work in your high school? Has it changed for your younger siblings or cousins?
I’m curious!
xx
Image by ~MVI~ /broken camera
My American gender struggle includes worries such as whether domestic chores are shared equally with my partner, the skeevy nuances of that one networking-non-date, or even more substantially equal-pay for equal work.
Compare that to Pakistan.
- Pakistan is the third most dangerous country for women in the world.
- More than 1,000 women and girls are murdered in “honor killings” every year.
- 90% of Pakistani women suffer from domestic violence.
- The female literacy rate is 36%.
- In cases of sexual abuse, women who speak up bring shame on their families and are often ostracized.
Not only is it a changing world, but it’s a confusing, brutal and unfair one, too.
Read this story in The Atlantic in which Zara Jamal, a Pakistani-born student at McGill, interviews six women and translates their stories. The incredible thing? Most of the women are the breadwinners in their families, and it is only in their professional lives that they find safety and peace.
To Be a Woman in Pakistan: Six Stories of Abuse, Shame, and Survival
Do you guys ever read your horoscope? I never do, ever. For example, never when I was sitting at lunch back when I had a desk job did I think something like, oh awesome, it’s the first of the month and that means Susan Miller has posted my horoscope. (Leo if you’re wondering.) Never did that happen.
So yes, friends, in case you haven’t been introduced to the in-depth funness that is Susan Miller, I present it to you now.
P.S. I have also never had anxiety about the zodiac signs of my partners and whether or not they we were the right love match. I worry just for fun everybody!
But in the two decades since, the proportion of all American adolescents in their mid-teens claiming sexual experience has decreased, and for boys the decline has been especially steep, according to the National Survey of Family Growth by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Today, though more than half of unmarried 18- and 19-year-olds have had sexual intercourse, fewer than 30 percent of 15- to 17-year-old boys and girls have, down from 50 percent of boys and 37 percent of girls in 1988. And there are virtually no gender differences in the timing of sexual initiation.
This really surprises me.
dahGRAMS
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