Smart, suave and situated in many a girl’s dah, today’s “Ask A dah Guy” expert has agreed to tell us the brutal truth. Do men like when you make the first move? Can you win back the affections of a Guy Who Just Blew You Off? What sneaky post-dating trick should we ladies stop falling for?
To submit your questions for next week’s column, email us at with “Ask A dah Guy” in the subject line!
Question #1: Do guys like when girls make the first move? What type of assertive move is appealing – and what’s too forward?
In the age of social media, where girls can passively Facebook add you or follow you on Twitter, I think guys’ minds have been opened up to girls making the first move. Here’s my advice on how to actually do it.
Some girls can overcompensate and come on too strong in real life (just like a guy), so your best bet is just a conversational opener. Unless the guy is totally a beta male – or clueless – he will take it from there. If we are at a bar, for example, I like when a girl just mentions anything that’s going on in the bar that night. That’s always better than hearing, “You’ve got a great smile but you must have a girlfriend,” or something awful like that.
If you like a friend-of-a-friend or someone who you already know in real life, reach out via email or Facebook and just say, “Hey we should grab a drink.” You don’t have to throw out a day – if he’s interested and knows how to treat a woman he likes, then he will reach back out with a day and time.
I think some women will approach a guy, and then they’ll date for a while, and then the guy will lose interest and the girl will blame this on the fact that she approached him. She’ll end up thinking something like, “Oh, well, he was willing to hook up with me, but he would never take me seriously since I made the first move.”
FYI, this is not a healthy attitude. Like Michael Jordan said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Or, I guess like Carrie Bradshaw said, “Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?”
Question #2: When a guy in your dah starts fading out and is in danger of becoming The Guy Who Just Blew You Off, what’s the best way to get him interested (aka texting or hanging out) again?
Sorry – but most of the time, he’s just not interested.
That said, how many times have we all met happily married couples who talk about some breakup they had earlier in their dating life? I’m sure that right before they broke up, it seemed like the guy (or girl) was losing interest. So it’s tough to be 100% certain that something is doomed before you really know.
I think the key here is to tone down the crazy as much as possible. I’ve had girls make awkward jokes that aren’t funny, like, “Oh, look who’s alive!” or something like that. It just comes across as desperate.
If he does still have feelings for you, and perhaps is just stressed with life, work, whatever, then the more normal and understanding you are, the more he will miss you. And posting a few sexy photos of yourself on Facebook never hurts, either.
Question #3: What’s one secret trick that lots of guys use, that you see girls fall for all the time? Is there a “guy move” that we women should know about, but usually don’t?
Are you trying to get me kicked out of the boys’ club with this one? Alright, I apologize in advance to my entire gender, but here’s a trick. It’s known as “fertilizing” or “laying a foundation.”
When Jess rolls out the male dah, this will make a lot more sense. But for now, you should understand that guys have many levels of girls who they are content hooking up with, but not dating seriously.
Unfortunately for us, having a dah of women who are willing to hook up with us can require some work. So we put in that work (to a point). Tuesdays and Wednesdays are great for a casual phone call, just to “catch up” and see how someone is doing. But to be clear, this is all part of the “fertilizing” process.
Sometimes I hear platonic girlfriends complain, “I don’t get it! He called to talk, but he didn’t really set a time to hang out. WTF?!”
Here’s the truth: the guy has no intention of hanging out that day, but he knows that you can’t just booty call most women once every other week (unless she’s fully on board with you being her Hot Sex Prospect). So we check in, in order to “lay the foundation.”
Speaking of this… I need to go make some calls.
Ladies – submit questions for next week’s Ask A dah Guy by emailing us at with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line!
dah Guy is here to answer YOUR questions about love, sex, romance, ambiguous text messages and all things post-dating. No question is too big, small or weird for him. Email him at [email protected] with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line to get your love quandaries answered.
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