Dear Engaged People with Single Friends,
As you embark on the exciting, yet probably headache-inducing journey that is wedding planning (I used to have cable and a reality TV addiction so I know how it goes) I implore you to consider one tiny little idea that could benefit all the single ladies (and gentlemen) that you plan to invite to your nuptials.
Assign us a date.
Please. I’m not kidding. Seriously.
You see, like most 20-somethings with hefty student loans and a dream, I’m a busy lady. The closest I get to meeting a new guy in any given week is when I tell the Starbucks barista my name. I never even finished my OKCupid profile because, really, when my relaxation time comes down to online dating or watching “30 Rock” on Netflix, I will pick Liz Lemon every time.
I’ve gone to weddings alone and no matter how awesome the reception or how kickass the guest list it’s just not as fun as having a date. It’s not a single girl problem, it’s a fact of life. Like the sky is blue and Courtney Love being a mess, we also hold this truth to be self-evident–going to a wedding with a date is just better.
Last week I got a wedding invitation for one of my oldest friends. On the address label was the “and guest,” the dreaded yet ever-so hopeful “and guest.” So I mentally scrolled through my dah to see if I could find a date that wouldn’t suck and/or be awkward. Ex-boyfriend? No way. Ain’t nobody got time to explain that it’s not a date and we are not back together. Male friend from back home? Nope. Drama between him and the maid of honor. Hot sex prospect? HAHA, yeah no. No need to put a wedding date label on some no strings simplicity. No way no how. That would be like ruining a Pop Tart by actually putting it in the toaster. Best (gay) friend? Nah, he hates weddings. Guy at the office? Inappropriate. Fling from grad school? Lives in Europe. Justin Timberlake? Married. And I don’t know him. Alas. Could I hire a guy like Debra Messing did in “Wedding Date”? That would surely backfire. Big time. Sorry, grandma for even thinking about bringing an escort to the wedding.
I kept striking out and I literally started to panic. How would the girl who can’t even finish a sentence or a whole salad without having to rush off and do something else find a date for this wedding? All my friends are married or engaged (i.e. have de facto wedding dates) and I get excited when the sushi delivery guy lingers at the door a little too long. Sigh.
So what I’m saying is help a sister out. Assign me a date to your wedding. Use it as an opportunity to get me to slow down for a second and meet that guy you’ve been wanting to set me up with. You pair up bridesmaids with groomsmen, so sit me next to your guy’s funny cousin who’s just as sarcastic as I am. I’m not asking for a love connection, I’m just looking to meet a new person and have a great time while we celebrate your eternal commitment to another person…and the open bar. The assigned dates could be a great way to bridge that his side/your side divide that can happen at weddings where a lot of the guests are coming from out of town.Think of it as a wedding favor. A BIG favor, in fact. In return I’ll get you a banging gift and try not to make an embarrassing toast about the Jolly Rancher/vodka/Backstreet Boys incident in high school.
Just think about it?
Your friend and wedding guest,
P.S. I truly am very happy for you and wish you nothing but the best and a life full of love and happiness…but if you’re single again when I finally tie the knot, I will happily return the assigned date favor.
Caitlin lives in Brooklyn and spends her days practicing random acts of journalism while buying more albums/concert tickets than is financially prudent. She likes lemon water, ring pops, '90s radio on Spotify and tapestries. She tweets about music and being awkward at @ctrembz.
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