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DISCLAIMER: I am not a player. I have never been a player. I was a shy kid growing up and have always been more of a “Relationship Guy” than a “Swinging Single”. So before the women reading this post prepare to riot and rake me over hot coals, just hear me out.
Midway through another Sacramento summer, when the calendar flipped from June to July I couldn’t help but think to myself: “Where are all the women?” After all, this was supposed to be the Summer of Love. Like I said, I’m no player, but I wanted to have at least SOME fun while the weather was still nice. Well my friends, as the old saying goes: be careful what you wish for (try to keep up with me here, but picture me talking really fast)….
First, on an early July Wednesday, a girl who used to work with my friend Marty contacted me out of the blue. I had met her months earlier when we were all out one night, but nothing had ever come from it. We ended up talking online for over an hour that night and made plans to go out the following week. Then, that Saturday, I met another girl at a friend’s birthday down in wine country. Numbers were exchanged and another date was set up. That very same night, I met up with my friend Stephanie, who had a friend with her. Let’s just say we hit it off that night and the next morning MORE plans were made. Add two more girls to the fray over the next couple days and suddenly, with five girls in play, my cupboard had gone from bare to overstocked in just one week’s time. Got all that? Sounds tiring, right? Try living it. That’s right kids- dah ALERT!
Over the next couple weeks I went out with each and every one of these girls. My mom once described dating as a series of interviews. I couldn’t help but recall that old comparison as I asked each girl the same normal dating “qualification questions” – “Where do you work?” “Where’d you go to college?” “What do you think about Entourage this season?” The list goes on. I needed to see what was out there and what was real.
After the first few days of August, two girls have started to distance themselves from the pack; my friend Marty’s old co-worker and my friend Stephanie’s good friend. Sound promising? It is. But with one minor caveat; they BOTH have the same name! Amy! Luckily for me, they spell their names differently (Amy vs. Aimee) so I at least have some way to tell them apart. And so begins, the Tale of Two Amy’s (Aimee’s).
Fast forward to the present and things have started to get a bit muddled. After all this dating, things are beginning to run together. I was having a perfectly lovely dinner with Amy at Café Bernardo in downtown Sac. We were trying to decide what we could get to share. I came across the mushroom salad and suggested we get that, although I saw that it had dill and noted that I knew she didn’t like dill. “I don’t,” she said, “but how did you know that?” I started to answer and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. SHE didn’t tell me that. AIMEE had told me that! Pull it together, I said to myself, pinching my leg under the table. Luckily, I was able to cover it up this time, but I couldn’t go on mixing things up and make a fool of myself.
I felt like this was straight out of the Seinfeld episode where George was dating two girls at once and couldn’t remember which one he saw Godspell with and which one he went ice skating with. At first, I had this feeling that I had to pick one of the girls and move forward with her before anything else went wrong. But, after a few days of contemplation, I wondered if I really did have to make a decision. After all, neither girl has approached me yet about becoming exclusive.
As I said earlier, I’ve always been more of a Relationship Guy, so this stable of girls was uncharted waters for me, as I have just discovered this whole dah concept. But in today’s society, the traditional notion of dating has really de-evolved in recent years. Like my co-worker Pat told me recently, it’s not like this is the 1960’s where we’re free to date around until we offer our varsity jackets and decide to go steady. Even as recent as 10 years ago, a hook-up at a college party led to having a girlfriend the following day. If one was able to get to know a person with a few more dates and not be stuck in bad relationships, I’m sure people would be better off. We should all be allowed to test the waters. Let’s examine the players…
There is Amy, who things are moving much slower with. She is goofy, but in a fun way, which I really like about her. She’s the one I talk to a lot more in between dates, but sometimes it’s hard to gauge her interest level, which could be attributed to her being a bit more quiet and reserved. But she makes me laugh and smile, and I am definitely excited when I know I am going to see her.
Next is Aimee, who is almost the polar opposite of Amy. She is a much more aggressive and outgoing personality and is a ton of fun to be around. I have done the most with her physically (oops!), but am not sure about long term potential. We have a great time when we’re together, but sort of fades into the background when we’re apart. Is she just a Hot Sex Prospect, or is there something more there that I am missing or not giving a fair chance to? There is also the added pressure of Stephanie, who is one of my best friends. Is her presence and constant questioning of what’s going on with her friend preventing me from properly moving forward with Aimee or is my desire to not make this an awkward situation for Steph making me work harder at something that just isn’t there? I guess it really could go either way.
Then there are the other girls I have gone out with, who I might not have initially connected with as much as the Amy’s (Aimee’s), but I did have fun with them and not sure I want to close any doors just yet.
Does my ambivalence about each of the girls mean that there is not long term potential there? Remember, I am someone who, in the past, either was totally single or went all in with a relationship with very little in between. So this is where you all come in. I wanted to see what Becky and Jess’ loyal readers had to say about my situation. Feel free to weigh in with any advice or comments. Basically, my question is if there is anything wrong not only with dating several girls at once, but also starting to move forward with more than one of them. Does a decision have to be made, or should I continue to enjoy what has quickly become quite an interesting Summer of Love. Let’s discuss…
(Up To The Minute Update: Tonight, as I was finishing this blog, I got texts from BOTH girls wanting to meet up this evening. And they were within 10 blocks of each other! This is getting heavy. Aimee was basically offering a night of drinking and sex, while Amy was offering a night of drinking and hanging out with her friends. I was already on the way to meet Amy when I heard from Aimee, so Amy won out tonight. Incidentally, she is in the other room right now, so let’s not let her hear us talking, OK?)
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The Guy Next Door developed his nice guy roots growing up in the Midwest and has brought them to the Big Apple, where he has lived for the last decade. He hopes to add some insight into what it's like navigating the tumultuous dating scene in The City That Never Sleeps as the self-proclaimed Non-Date King, as well as sharing the ins and outs of fine-tuning a guy's dah. The Guy Next Door lives in Manhattan and, when he is not busy non-dating, works in the entertainment industry.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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