Dating is hard, not dating is hard, semi-dating is hard, everything is hard, and that’s what she said.
We all have questions about dating. “Why didn’t he/she/scary clown text me back?” “How do I approach people?” “Is this a good photo to put on OKCupid?” and on and on and on until you are so sick of yourself and so sick of everyone else and you’re just tired and want to go home.
I have some ideas on how we can all date better.
1. Always assume you’re paying for dinner/coffee/drinks/tickets to the wax museum. No, this isn’t directed towards men. This is directed towards men and women. Do I prefer if men pay? You bet your sweet bippy I do. I always prefer when people buy me things. But I’m still going to leave the house with enough money (cash, no way in hell am I going to be let Future Drunk Almie run up another $80 bar tab) to cover whatever it is I’m planning to spend it on that night. So by “assume” I guess what I’m really saying is, always have enough money to pay for yourself. Offer to pay, even if you don’t want to, even if it’s just for the sake of being polite. But dudes really, just assume you’re going to pay and we’ll offer to split it, and decline our offer. Ideally.
2. Be honest, but kind. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first date, the first month into a relationship, or if you’ve been married for such a long time that you can’t even remember being single and free and happy anymore, you should always be truthful with your intentions and feelings. This saves everybody a lot of time and a lot of pain. This is not permission to say mean things even though you think they’re true. This is letting someone know, early on before things go anywhere, what you want and don’t want. If you don’t want them, please let them (us) know as soon as you do — but kindly.
3. Text back. Even if it’s to say, “Hey, can’t text/talk now, give me [amount of time here]” because people — not just women, dudes do this too – will allow themselves to go a little bit crazy if their text is ignored. We’re so used to having things instantly and having instant communication and we all know that a text takes 3 seconds to send. If the person texting you is someone you aren’t into, don’t just ignore them. Consider how much time and the quality of time you’ve spent together and decide if the most appropriate thing is to call, text, or email them to let them know that you’re not interested. If you’ve made it very clear and they still text you, then ignore them.
4. Do not put pressure on yourself or on your date. I’ve heard people joke that the worst dates are those that feel like interrogations or job interviews instead of dates. Do not feel that you have to be witty or interesting. Be breezy. If there’s an awkward silence or pause, it’s totally fine. Sometimes pauses aren’t even awkward; it’s the trying to cover them up that make them awkward. Also, if your date isn’t into you do not pressure them into spending more time with you. No one likes that. No one.
5. Don’t be a dick. This applies to both genders.
OKAY KIDS, HAVE FUN!
Image: 1930′s Young Couples from LIFE photo archives.
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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