I’ve been dating for over a decade now and if any of the countless losers, weirdos and, yes one time an actual sideshow freak, have taught me anything, it’s that I am way too trusting. Ask any good friend about my behavior in bars and you’ll be met with a heavy eye roll. While it can sometimes be beneficial to have me as a wingman, it can also be a little trying. The thing is, I talk to everyone.
That guy who stands too close. The really drunk Irish man. The dude whose eyes are definitely not open. The know-it-all nerd who insists on talking about Proust. The sad girl in the corner booth. Somebody’s dad.
I love talking to strangers. Unfortunately, most of them turn out to be nutso, and I am forced to find an escape route out of the conversation, by myself. By this point in the night, my friends are long gone, shaking their heads at me from across the room, and I don’t blame them. So, the easiest way I have found to exit an unwanted conversation is to simply postpone it by giving away my phone number.
This innocent action has stemmed late night texts from unknown numbers and calls from guys I don’t ever want to speak to again. The texts I can handle. I either decide to engage in the crazy for a few days until it ceases to be entertaining, or I ignore it altogether.
But the calls; I have to pick up the calls. I don’t know what it is in me, but I literally feel compelled to pick up every unknown number. I don’t trust that someone will leave a voicemail, and what if it’s important??
As a result, most of the time I end up giving my best “hello” to a recorded telemarketing call instead of the cute guy I actually liked because I can’t take any chances that someone won’t leave me a message. Aloof just isn’t my jam.
Obviously, this is coming from the same place as talking to everyone who makes mild eye contact with me. The problem is I don’t see this personality trait changing so I have to find solutions. Being the tech savvy woman that I am, I dug up a few apps to help anyone else that is afflicted with chronic diarrhea of the mouth and can’t stop engaging with everyone in a five-foot radius.
Oh man, this is the mother lode of caller ID apps for many reasons, but most importantly it can identify basically anyone, including all those randos from the bar. Is it a telemarketer? You’ll know. Is it Patrick from Good Luck Bar, who told you he liked your glasses? Yes, please automatically save his number into my smart address book. Or, is it your best friend with news about her last reluctant online date? I love that if it is your BFF, the app will show you her latest Facebook status update so you can be prepared to either get celebration ice cream, or disappointment ice cream.
Tried and true caller ID app for sure, and if you pony up and pay a little extra for the premium app, it let’s you see who’s viewed your profile. If OkCupid and LinkedIn have proven anything, it’s an addicting feature I want, want, and want.
Sue me; I like this one because it not only tells me who the heck is calling me, but it also gives birthday reminders! This way I can call my friend instead of letting my heartfelt message get lost in a Facebook feed.
The great news is, with the help of modern technology, I don’t need to change my bad habits one bit. I can just screen my consequences a lot better.
Heather is a contributing editor at the-dah. She is a Los Angeles based writer, improviser, snacker, social media mistress, and aspiring adult. Read more of her food-stained stories about growing up weird at Terrible-Twenties.com, or follow her digital alter ego @MissHezah on Twitter.
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