When you dip your toes into the dating world, whether it be IRL or online, you are bound to come out with some interesting stories – at least I do.
Rather than wallow in self-pity because I have yet to find my “true love” I find that viewing the whole experience as a comedy show is somewhat of a consolation. While horrifying, appalling, embarrassing or just an outright comedy of errors at the time, a good number of the awful dates now provide laughs, rueful head shakes and a tension breaker for current dates or those who are diving into the shark infested dating waters.
When asked about “worst” or “most awkward” experiences, I often cite one particular incident that I now find highly amusing. I call it “My Most Uncomfortable Match Ever.”
It all started out innocently enough with my friend encouraging me to sign up for eHarmony. He figures I’m newly relocated to LA and had been single long enough. “Time to jump back in,” he says. “FINE!” I caved.
He suggests I try out eHarmony since they are touted as being more about “finding long-term relationships” using their complicated psychic algorithm. Figuring this would give me better odds at finding a partner rather than the bombardment of oddities wanting to hook-up that I had had to weed through on the other “contact whomever you want” sites, I cough up the credit card, sign up, and then diligently fill out the questionnaire.
Now I just had to sit back and wait for word on whom the eHarmony feels will be a good match! Nice.
A few weeks into the experience (and a number of matches into it), I’m sitting in my office one morning and check my email. I have more matches!
I click on the email and I feel the blood drain from my face. Staring back at me, listed as my potential harmonious mate, was not some scary ex-criminal or whatever… it was something I consider far worse.
It was my boss. eHarmony had paired me up with my boss. A photo of my boss that I had taken at his birthday party stared back at me with (what seemed to be) a mocking smile.
Was I being punked? Surely this had to be some sort of joke. WTF was up with eHarmony’s magical algorithm? He’s my boss for crying out loud.
Aside from not wanting to date him (no particular offense to him, I am sure it is mutual) and the fact that our personalities are not really suited for a non-work relationship, I would rather not be paired up with someone I work with. I did NOT particularly want it blasted around my workplace that I was “on the market,” so to speak.
Now, if you are familiar with eHarmony, there is no anonymity (read: mercy) in this event.
Bossman received an identical email with my smiling face front and center. As if he could sense the email had just been opened, an eerie silence fell throughout the office.
Then he popped his head in my doorway and we awkwardly laughed it off. I confronted him on a few answers I knew to be false on his profile and he admitted he had had a female friend of his help him fill it out. He kindly offered to give me advice on the online dating world if I needed it and we silently agreed to not speak of it again. “Magical algorithm” my arse.
Of course I have other stories that are close runners up to this fiasco: the man who had to blow into a breathalyzer before he could start his truck – 5 DUI’s will do that to a fella – or the man who wanted me to use him as a footstool (I suggested he might search for some fetish sites, I preferred inanimate ottomans…) and a number of others that balance out the great guys I had the fortune of meeting. I still hope to meet my Prince Charming one of these days but in the meantime, I collect the anecdotes for memoir fodder and amusing memories.
Now that I have started this ball rolling, what has been your most awkward dating experience?
I am a photographer, traveler, archivist, blogger, producer and creative hot spring. My world revolves around trying to keep my overactive mind occupied, entertained and somewhat focused.
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