I met the fabulous guy I’m currently dating at a party. My third party of this particular (Thursday) night, actually. Pizza and beer with the girls in the Village, followed by karaoke in Koreatown, all to prepare for a work party I wasn’t too excited about. The work party ended up being wilder than expected, and, to my surprise, I discovered a cute co-worker I had never noticed before. He was hanging out near the dance floor, and, as the 90s rap mix blasted, I realized this white boy from Wisconsin was rapping along to every word. And not just the overplayed top 40 hits. Wu Tang. Method Man. I was smitten.
So we started to chat, and spent the rest of the night joking, dancing, and eventually making out. I took him home with me, and here’s the part I’ll never tell my mother: I slept with him. Then, I let him sleep over. He found me on Facebook on Friday, and asked me out on Saturday. Several months later, we’re planning our first vacation, and have yet to hit any major obstacles.
The part that would really kill my mom is that all my relationships have started this way. Well, sometimes I meet the individual in question more than three hours before sleeping with them. And I’m not always three screwdrivers in when I meet them. That said, I’ve never hesitated to hook up with someone I was into, and it’s always worked out surprisingly well, despite the fact that everything we’ve ever been told emphatically assures us that happy endings never follow from, well, happy endings.
Here’s my two cents.
As the lovely ladies here at WTFIsUpWithMyLoveLife.com have proclaimed, “dating” is dead. Relationships don’t start with coffee, phone chats, and awkward dinner dates. They start in any number of ways, including a mutually satisfying sexual encounter. And I’m not saying we should all run out and put out until we find love. I am saying that if you are attracted to a guy, and you want to get intimate, don’t refrain solely because you think there will be dire consequences. I’m here to tell you that what we’re all told about the ruin that inevitably flows from following our sexual instincts doesn’t always hold.
The truth is, guys don’t want to be with girls who play games. They’re as annoyed by the stupid, rigid formula that traditional dating thought suggests is the only path to happiness as we are. And, at the end of the day, they want someone who is comfortable with their sexuality – the night of, and the morning after. They want someone who understands that spending a night together can mean the beginning. Or the end. Or something in between. But waking up next to someone with a sense of humor and a sense of perspective is a great experience, either way.
Clearly this is not a technique appropriate for individuals who believe sex, etc., should be saved for marriage or long-term committed relationships. Or for women who are simply uncomfortable with that level of intimacy so soon. But every woman needs to ask themselves where their personal comfort line begins, and where they want the meaningless societal standards to end.
Another caveat. I happen to be more attracted to the guy cracking jokes in the corner than to the players dropping lines. Still, when you first meet someone, you never really know if they’re a gem or a jerk. Thinking back, I think I’ve found gems because, if I’m into you enough to take you home, you’ve impressed me with your wit and your lack of wiles. Nothing’s cuter than a guy who keeps making excuses to talk to you, who listens to you when you talk, and who looks you in the eye (not behind you at the girl who didn’t realize that dress was sold as a shirt). Basically, if the guy comes off as a player – he very well might be. And if those are the guys you’re attracted to, then you might need to play the games – enough to keep up with the ones he’s playing.
However, if you’re like me, you want a partner who’s comfortable with who they are, and who appreciates you for who you are. And if you’re an individual who enjoys sex with someone you’re physically and mentally attracted to, and are looking for someone who enjoys the same, then a good roll in the hay might actually be a great way to find what you’re looking for. At the very least, it’s a fun diversion as you conduct the hunt.
Ruth Bader Sinsburg is pretty sure that Ruth Bader Ginsburg would agree, in principle, with all the major points that she expresses on this site.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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