Maintaining a positive outlook and being constantly a ball of cheer and sunshine can be a difficult thing to sustain. I, a human being with emotions, have and still do struggle with this! I know!
Shocking! (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm). I am in no way a person to take official good advice from. I fuck up a lot and enjoy wallowing. I’m a professional brooder. However! I am turning that around! A new leaf! A new tree! Forest! Etc! Anyway you guys, here’s some simple suggestions for achieving and maintaining that same level of purring contentment of which my cat seems to be queen:
1. Treat yo self. WITHIN REASON. I am guilty of buying stuff for myself to feel better and then wondering why I can’t pay my internet bill on time. Keep it basic. Nail polish. Fancy coffee. Cheap shoes. Yes, money can sometimes buy happiness.
2. Get dressed up, dance to Beyonce in your car, and go out somewhere with your buddies. Talk to that weird bald guy after a few too many tiki drinks; leave your hang ups behind. A tiki bar is a magical place. It’s like Vegas, except not at all in any way!
3. Get in there and clean that shit out. I’m a hoarder. I’ve been lording over a box of junk for about five years. I finally did a deep cleaning of my closet and got that mischief managed. Now, I just have to figure out some way to get it down a giant hill to a dumpster. C’est la vie.
4. Fuck the people who say to watch what you eat. Yes, you should be healthy. Yes, you should be conscious of your body versus what it needs and what it wants. I try my very best to only put good foods in my body. However, if you want to eat a bag of potato chips once in a blue moon, eat the goddamn chips. It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Deep breaths, people.
5. Animals! Pet them! Tame ones! Like, friendly puppies and kittens and ferrets! (I love ferrets. I know, they smell. So has every man I’ve ever dated. You get over it.) There is nothing I love more than pressing my squishy kitty’s face on my face and hugging her until she bites me. She is the cutest little mushy booboo ever ever ever, and yes, I have accepted my crazy. Side note: Do not attempt to pet squirrels! Or bears! This is a bad idea!
6. Make a list of your accomplishments and reassess them, even if they aren’t that impressive. Even if they are as simple as ‘today, I put on makeup.’ Trust me, mine are nothing to write home about. But hey, I moved out at eighteen and have been taking care of myself all by myself ever since. That’s something, right? …right? (Yes.)
7. Oh hey, get the fuck outside. Remember your friend, vitamin D? Makes me feel like a whole new B. Just wear sunblock, ya fools.
8. Say positive things to your reflection in your mirror. I know, it’s stupid. It’s lame. Suck it up. It’s cool to be uncool. Do you, girl.
9. If you want to stay home and veg out on the couch with your cat, that is perfectly okay. You are allowed to be lazy to an extent. When the thai food togo containers start piling and you can smell your cats litter box from across the house, then it is time to put on an actual pair of pants that aren’t made from flannel. Until then, Netflix away.
10. Say hello to a stranger! It’s amazing how much a silly conversation in line to get coffee with someone can brighten your day. Even if it’s awkward. Especially if it’s awkward! Who knows, maybe it will turn into a You’ve Got Mail type situation and you’ll fall madly in love with each other and he’ll be all George Clooney-esque and you’ll be delightfully adorkable and the soundtrack will be an instant classic.
11. Find something that you love and keep it secret. Example: watching wedding videos, jerking off on your dresser, using q-tips. Keep it simple! Secret’s can be fun and I feel a little more interesting when I have them. When I feel interesting, my confidence goes up! Mysterious ways, you guys.
12. Whatever you do, do not listen to sad music on repeat. It really does affect your mood! I am most creatively-stimulated when I am in the shower, listening to great music! Whatever makes you feel the need to get up off the couch and at least get dressed and make terrible coffee, whatever works! If you can, throw on some headphones and dance in your living room when no ones home, even better. I am a terrible dancer and would not subject my sweet moves to any poor soul. But damnit, if I don’t love pretending I’m amazing at it in the safety/solitude of my own home.
13. Do not value yourself based on someone else’s opinion. Do not rest your path to happiness on another person. The only way to find happiness and keep it is to be in complete control over it. Depend on yourself first. It is unfair to you and to that person, to expect them to make you feel better. Learn to love being alone. Know that anyone else in your life is just a great addition to your already wonderful self.
14. Remember that you are not alone. There are people that care about you. Even if you can’t think of them off the top of your head or they aren’t answering your texts or calls or showing up to your birthday party. Hey, I care about you. I’ll be your friend, friend!
15. At the same time, remember that you are just one human among billions of trillions of humans. Everyone is fighting the hard fight. Take a deep breath, close your eyes; you’re gonna be just fine.
Thank you German Simpsons Wiki site for this phenom picture.
Taryn is a twenty-something cat lady based out of Los Angeles. She writes things in her downtime from watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer and taking too many professional iPhone photos of her cat. She loves french fries maybe a little too much. You can read her other writings at: catsmakebetterboyfriends.tumblr.com
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